Top eight. Don’t hate! Or so we’re told. The dancers shimmy onstage for their eight count solos, and wow, does the stage look empty with so few of them! Melissa is wearing bustier that’s mostly gray, but the bra part is bright orange. I can’t decide if I think this is horribly tacky or kind of brilliant.
I’ve been asked where my recap from last week’s result show is. To be honest, it would be about four sentences long, because all we did was watch the previous night’s performances all over again. Oh, but the group performance was fantastic. Perhaps it is best said in rhyming verse:
Mazel Tov: SYTYCD Episode #17
Nigel’s off getting a degree
Not a real one; it’s honorary.
It’s just the ladies here tonight
So of course, we have a catfight.
The Paso Doble—love or hate?
Debbie feels the need to castigate
Mary for proclaiming she loves it so
When whomever performs it gets kicked off the show.
The group dance was a Wade Robson thing.
The Black Eyed Peas were here to sing.
Voters did not think the Paso Doble was dandy,
So we said goodbye to Kupono and Randi.
Voila. Yeah, I went there with the dandy/Randi rhyme.
Mia is back to judge, sporting a multicolored version of the Kate Gosselin reverse mullet. Ellen DeGeneres is also on the panel tonight. I think she’s hilarious, so I’m excited to hear what she has to say. I also hope Mia goes all Mia on the dancers, if warranted, because I kind of feel like they’ve been too easy on them recently. When asked about any formal dance training she’s received, Ellen tells us everything she’s learned, she’s learned from the streets… in a gated community, with no kids, with a guy named Eduardo, but not really. Mary uses the phrase “off the chain”; an act I’m pretty sure is illegal for anyone over the age of 22 and four months. Cat sweetly asks Mia about her two Emmy nominations, only to be quickly and curtly corrected that it’s been THREE. Then Mia goes on and on about being an artist; I don’t know, I got bored.
Travis is back as a choreographer (yay!) for a group dance. We’re told the dance is simple, but fast. They are wearing lights and funky Lady Gagaesque costumes. I like it, but I think I’ve come to expect so much more from all group pieces—I don’t know. I was underwhelmed. Nigel liked it. Ellen claims she can do that, and takes credit the wearing of lights idea. Mary liked it. Mia declares Travis “has it going on”. She also threatens to wear the costumes on the results show, and oh my God, I wish she would.
Evan is paired with Janette, whose name I’ve been misspelling this whole time. Oops! My husband wonders aloud if Evan can handle “this spicy meatball”. Hee! They will be performing Sonya routine while dressed in dominatrix looking gear. Janette did really well, like I expected, but so did Evan, which I didn’t expect. Nigel liked it. Ellen jokes that she could do that. Mary thought it could have been a little “rougher” at the end, but goes on and on about how much she loved it, until Nigel tries to physically shut her up. Mia says she thinks Evan’s gotten by because he’s adorable, and he’s great stylistically, and he’ll never be the dark dancer that Sonya requires. She tells Janette she’s her favorite, favorite, favorite dancer this season. Janette literally collapses with gratitude.
Kayla decides to chuck showing off her amazing extension for a bunch of waving her arms around the place. Hubby notes “Ellen actually could do that”.
Jeanine and Brandon have been paired, and they seem overjoyed. They are doing a very “still” waltz. They open with a huge lift held for a long time, and that’s about it for the excitement. It’s pretty, I suppose, but honestly it seems a little clumsy and a lot snore. I took this opportunity to check my facebook. Nigel said it was so demanding, but the music almost put him to sleep, and he didn’t get as much as he wanted. Ellen says she disagrees, and makes us laugh. Mary says it’s the slowest waltz they’ve done on the show, and it’s tough, but they “did it respectable” (sic). Mia said that she expected it to be magical, because of the training they’ve had, but there were so many hiccups and stuck moments that she wasn’t taken away.
Jason’s solo. It’s good, but not remarkable.
Ade and Melissa are reunited. They have a Tony and Melanie chachacha. It’s okay, but again, I’m a little underwhelmed. It wasn’t as spicy as I wanted it to be. Nigel says great routine and it was sexy. Mary thought it was okay, but not great from a technical standpoint. Mia says it was Ade’s worst performance of the season. And to Melissa, she says she did an excellent job ridding herself of the ballet hips in order to wiggle them or something. Eh.
Janette gets brave and does a contemporary routine, with a few of her salsa moves thrown in. She does really well!
Jason and Kayla have a Tyce piece. He’s a man caught up in the music, and she’s a temptress trying to woo him. It’s very jazzy and I liked it. Nigel says it was classic, declared that Jason’s feet were perfect, and tells him that he reminded him of Gene Kelly. He says Kayla can do anything, and thinks it’s one of the best routines he’s seen this evening. Mary says everything was fabulous and that they “did it effortless” (again, sic). Oh, then she takes out a brand new train whistle and puts them on the train. Mia proclaims herself the only sane one on the panel… okay punk sheepdog hair, keep telling yourself that. She tells Jason that he needs to work on his upper body because his chest isn’t open, and it’s killing his lines. She’s totally right, that’s a great note for him. Mia asks Kayla if she acts and sings, and Kayla replies that she does sometimes. Mia says she should, because it will be Tony after Tony after Tony because she’s the dictionary definition of girl and perfect and star. Sigh. I am so conflicted over Mia. I think she’s a brilliant choreographer, and she clearly can teach well, but she just seems to take herself SO seriously and can be so mean for no reason… I don’t know.
Ade’s solo is next. He does a popping sort of thing along with his backflips and turns and whatnot.
Does everyone on this show look like they are losing weight? I can’t imagine that you wouldn’t, dancing about a million hours a day, but wow, some of these folks look like they are going to blow away with the first gust of wind.
Janette and Evan are back with a rumba. I thought it was just okay. Nigel says he loved the choreography, but it’s a hard routine to get votes with, because it’s just smooth and sexy. He notes that he found it a little lacking, and then he complains about Evan's… eyelids? WTF is he supposed to do about that??? Ellen notes that she loves Evan’s face, because everyone in LA goes to the same doctor and their faces all look alike. True that! Mary and Mia say they liked it.
I get really distracted at this point, because my dog has a little bump that appears for a few hours, then disappears, then comes back, and when I Google “bumps on dogs that reappear and disappear” the results I get say “bumps that appear then disappear and come back are usually cancer”, and I freak out, so…apologies.
Melissa does ballet to some rock song. It’s fine. My dog takes this opportunity to sniff some flowers. He really loves smelling flowers; I think it’s one of his cuter habits. Don’t have cancer, puppy!
Lauriann Gibson, who has choreographed for Diddy, among many others, is “preparing the soldiers for victory”. There is a lot of yelling at Jeanine and Brandon in the boot camp style rehearsal. They perform, and personally, I think Brandon is just killing Jeanine in this. She’s fine, but he is SO good. Nigel said that’s what he’s asking from his top 8, and notes this is the flattest night he’s seen on SYTYCD, until now. Thank you! It has been a bit dull! He thought Jeanine was great. Huh. I didn’t so much. Ellen likes it. Mary puts them on the hot tamale train. Mia heaps praise Laurieann, and makes her cry. She thinks they were both incredible.
Evan does his typical style and I love it.
Jeanine’s solo is fantastic.
Tyce choreographed a dance about breast cancer for Melissa and Ade. Okay ya’ll, I BAWLED during this dance. But then again, I got sucked into watching Dr. Doolittle this weekend, and as God as my witness, I cried during that too. I don’t like things dying or hurting. The dance is beautiful, from what I can tell through my tear crusted contacts. Nigel is choked up…well, all of the judges are. They all love it. We get to Mia, and she has just broken down. She says she wishes she were strong like that for her Daddy when he had cancer and OH MY GOD I just want to hug her.
Brandon’s solo is amazing; Cat calls him a racehorse.
We end with Jason and Kayla, performing a Shane piece. He’s a zombie, and she’s a schoolgirl turned into a zombie. I’m usually eh about Shane Sparks, but I love this one. Nigel says he’s been disappointed with the hip hop on the show this year, but he loves this. The rest of the judges do too. But I wonder how the other hip hop choreographers feel after hearing that from Nigel!
I have no idea who is going home tonight. My guess is Evan and maybe Melissa? Or Kayla? I really don’t know! Thoughts?
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