They show all of the contestants in line, and is that Kirsten Dunst? If so, this is sign #8 that your acting career in the toilet.
The opening montage shows mostly promising dancers, a few obligatory nightmares, Mary screaming her head off, and that Nigel’s hair has actually gotten worse. Who knew that was possible? It’s gone from bad to horrendous. And his smile is still creepy.
New York auditions are first, and they are kicking it Brooklyn style. They try to show dancers being gritty, and yeah…no. Cat, whom I ADORE and want to be my new bff, is still charming as ever, as she dances with the kids in line and does her thing. Tabitha and Napoleon are the guest judges, and we’re treated to glimpses of their fabulous dances from last season.
The first to audition is Gabby, who has rheumatoid arthritis, and is the daughter of a circus performer. OF COURSE she is. She dances pretty much exactly like Hawaiian Mark from last season; complete with that weird bird like quality. She actually “whoops” during her performance, does a butt spin into writhing on the floor, and some odd backwards run thing. But her whoop doesn’t drown out the judges, who feel compelled to go on and on and on about her. Nigel calls it one of the best auditions in five year; Mary hollers like she does. I don’t get it; but she’s through to Vegas. Whatevs. Mia and Sonia will LOVE her.
Now Storyboard K and Hobgoblin, who paint their faces green, introduce us to “mutation”, a new type of dance. They say “Obama wanted change, and we’re bringing change to the dance world.” Eyes rolling. They are weird, and leap on the judges' table, and are put through to choreography. I can tell you right now they can’t do anything else. When choreography starts, they just drop out on their own. Good call, guys.
Now we see “Crazy Kate” clearly violating the under 30 rule—26 my juicy—doing some awful west coast swing. She doesn’t get through, but the judges are kind.
Peter gets all tough and challenges us to a “tap duel”. Boy, you best not be throwing down if you don’t know who you’re messing with! We now see Peter eating spaghetti with his family back home, and talking about how close they are, and you immediately know that he’s going to be in the top 20. Seriously, they aren’t going to waste this much time with someone they aren’t putting through all the way. There is an empty place setting on the table…I’m guessing it’s for the camera guy? If so, how considerate! The family seems nice. His audition goes well; they put him straight through to Vegas.
And now we have the once-a-season display of a dancer with a physical disability auditioning. I am a sucker for this; I always cry. Tiffany’s spine didn’t straighten properly, and the doctors told her parents she wouldn’t make it a day. She tells Cat about how every day, people laugh at her. Seriously? What the hell is wrong with people. It is just not okay to make fun of people with disabilities! Anyway, her audition? Is good! That woman has extension! I like that Nigel critiques her fairly, and give suggestions for improvement. She doesn’t get through, but she does get a standing ovation from everyone.
A bunch of other good people, and now Naboya (sp??), a popper for Tokyo. I heart him; he’s a Japanese version of Twitch. He is charming, goes through to choreography, and ultimately makes it through to Vegas.
Day two brings us Arielle, who auditioned before, but was cut on the last day in Vegas. She does a contemporary piece that involves a lot of grabbing her head like she has a migraine. But she’s good; gets through.
Next couple is terrible. Here’s a hint y’all—when you’re performing a serious piece, and the judges are guffawing, you’re probably not going through.
Now we have some guy dancing very emotionally with an umbrella. He’s fine; and has a sad story about how the umbrella represents his aunt who just died, and he cries, and he’s through to Vegas. He’s very dramatic.
Oooh, some guy just ran up the wall and did a flip! I like me some of that. He goes on to choreography, then Vegas. Good, I really liked him.
Now we’re in Denver. Sonia is our guest judge for this round. Oooooh lordy, this should be interesting. That woman is crazy. The contestants are all apparently “ready to rock the Rockies”. Nigel’s hair looks even WORSE!!!
First up is Kayla. Oooh, we have sad story…and…bingo! Footage of her at home, living with her Mom and grandparents, because dad is “out of the picture.” Welcome to the top 20, Kayla! They scrimped and saved to pay for her dance lessons, and they are all just so proud of her. They have dogs that they seem to adore, so you know these are good people. Kayla dances, and she is really really good. She’s through, and her grandpa? Is BAWLING. Which makes me cry, too. He is sooo proud.
There is a commercial for the movie “Up”, and it looks like the best thing ever. But then again, the commercials for “Hole in the Wall” during SYTYCD last year also made it look like the best thing ever. I think we all know how that turned out.
Back to the show and OH MY GOD! There is this like 80 ft. statue of a bear peering into the windows of the place where auditions are being held. It is bright blue. I must get one of these for my home. Denver just won as “best place in the world” in my book because of this fabulous statue.
What fresh hell is Mary wearing today? She has a red plaid shirt, some leather fringe vest—girl, you gots to get a new stylist, right now.
We now have a montage of female dancers performing well, and Sonia practically having an orgasm over each and every one of them. The montage is set to some song with the lyrics “Hey, I’m in love, my heart is beating like a jungle drum”. On a side note, I think this would be a good running song. Remind me to iTune it later.
Oh, and now we have our first same sex ballroom dancing pair. Nigel? Is not a fan. He’s all “ I think boys should be boys and girls should be girls”. Honey, tell that to your Farrah Fawcett haircut. They both go through to choreography.
We have brothers popping together; they are cute. Oooh, we have footage of them swimming together! They go to choreography, and then get cut? Non-audition footage for someone who doesn’t make it through? This is rocking my world. The lack of a sad story should have warned me.
Last but not least, we have Brandon and Natalie. Natalie was Katie’s roommate from last year; the one who didn’t get picked for the show. And Brandon lost out to Gev in the finals in Vegas. Ooooh I hope this goes well. They show that awful scene from last year’s auditions where Katie was like ‘whatever, if you don’t pick me now, you’ll never get me”. Natalie is like “yeah, that was really hard last year, but I was so happy and so proud of her”. Natalie’s audition is first, and she’s really really good. YAY!!!! Sonia is DYING, and doing some weird praying thing and declares herself Natalie’s biggest fan. She’s crying.
I am sorry, but I can’t take Mary seriously while she’s wearing that terrible vest!!!
Brandon is incredible. Really, really incredible. He needs to go straight to Alvin Ailey; he was born to dance Revelations. Mary cries and says she has the greatest job in the whole world to be able to witness dancing like that. Yes yes y’all.
And that’s eppy one. So happy the show is back!!!
