Peripatetic, Poetic and chic: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #19

Our opening number is a very twisted dance to “One” from A Chorus Line. I’m calling it now; only Mia would take such a classic and do it up like this. It’s really captivating. And I called the choreographer—yay!

We’re celebrating our 100th episode tonight. Mia says she loves the babies coming back to the nest and getting nominated for Emmys and such. Mary says this show means the world to her, and has changed her life, getting all weepy in the process. Nigel says TV at its best can reach out and unite a nation, and he feels like that happens on this show. Well—I do love our SYTYCD conversations, y’all, but I don’t know if Nigel’s the Great Uniter or anything. Easy with the pats on your own back!


We see highlights from the past five seasons. Why don’t we have people who can spin on their head this season!?!?! It’s just not the same.

Recap of last night. Breast cancer dance makes me cry again!

The four girls learn their fate. Melissa—is safe! She’s shocked, and so thrilled. I’m pretty shocked too. Kayla and Janette are in the bottom two this week. NOOOO not Janette!! Kayla I can see—she’s great, but it’s not like we see her “growing as an artist” or whatever.

Our first of three dances from previous seasons is up; it’s the flower and the hummingbird dance. I actually never saw this the first time around. Wade choreographed it, and it’s very interesting. No wonder it won an Emmy!

The guys are next. Ade is safe, and Jason is in the bottom two. Brandon and Evan are left, and Evan…is safe?? That’s…odd. I actually started typing “and Evan is in our bottom two” because I just assumed. Maybe his fan base was angered by the unfair criticism of his eyelids?

Our second routine of the night is “the bench” routine that garnered an Emmy for Mia. It’s still amazing.

The bottom four perform their solos. Really nothing new to say on this. Although last night, I thought that Kayla almost fell over a few times, and it turns out, that was part of the choreography. Which might explain why she’s in the bottom tonight?

Our last dance is Ramalama, another Emmy winning dance from Wade. And he’s dancing in it! They are dressed like Elizabethan era zombies and it is fanfreakingtastic. Their entrance on the stairs prompts my hubby and me to make plans for a stair dance off over the weekend. He is so going down in big huge flames.

And now we’re back with Katie Holmes, finally! Seriously, we’ve been hearing about this for how long now? Katie looks crazy skinny. I haven’t seen her in anything since Dawson’s Creek, so it’s hard for me to see her looking all Joey Potter and think that she’s married to Tom Cruise and is a momma to adorable Suri. She’s going to be dancing AND singing. Did you know Katie Holmes could sing? I had zero idea. Given that they’ve beaten us over the head with the fact that THE Katie Holmes is going to perform on the show tonight pretty much all season, I’m expecting a production along the lines of the Central Park scene from Enchanted. It opens with some 1920’s car pulling up, and Katie gets out and lip syncs beautifully. I do have to say, she sings well. Then we switch to some cloud set—are we supposed to think this is live?—and she’s dancing in a Chicagoesque costume with a bunch of guys. I don’t know anything about Katie’s dance training, but all she’s doing is flicking her leg around, doing a glorified grapevine, and pulling her hat over her eyes. The highlight of this routine is a lift consisting of no less than four men hoisting Katie up in some Jesus on the cross formation. It’s not thrilling. So back when I took choreography, we had entire shows revolving around choreography for everyone—the professors wanted to make sure that we could make ANYONE look like they could dance. Did Tyce skip that class? Is he spoiled by working with only trained dancers? Because I kind of think I read about Katie taking dance classes in my US Weekly, and it certainly didn’t show in this dance.

We learn which girl is going home, and it’s Janette. NOooooo!!!! She’s my favorite!!Cat, who seems truly fond of her, gives her like eighteen kisses. The judges give her a standing ovation. Nigel says that she was his favorite too, and he wanted her to win. Well maybe you should have SPOKEN UP and we wouldn’t be in this situation! Oh…do you think the judges go home and vote?

Our bottom two guys are next. Jason is going home. I suppose it’s time. His farewell video reveals that he was one sock guy during auditions. Oh! I totally remember him now!

Remind me to vote next week—I can’t believe Janette is gone!!!

How Could You Be So Heartless: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #18 (and kind of #17)

Top eight. Don’t hate! Or so we’re told. The dancers shimmy onstage for their eight count solos, and wow, does the stage look empty with so few of them! Melissa is wearing bustier that’s mostly gray, but the bra part is bright orange. I can’t decide if I think this is horribly tacky or kind of brilliant.

I’ve been asked where my recap from last week’s result show is. To be honest, it would be about four sentences long, because all we did was watch the previous night’s performances all over again. Oh, but the group performance was fantastic. Perhaps it is best said in rhyming verse:

Mazel Tov: SYTYCD Episode #17

Nigel’s off getting a degree
Not a real one; it’s honorary.
It’s just the ladies here tonight
So of course, we have a catfight.

The Paso Doble—love or hate?
Debbie feels the need to castigate
Mary for proclaiming she loves it so
When whomever performs it gets kicked off the show.

The group dance was a Wade Robson thing.
The Black Eyed Peas were here to sing.
Voters did not think the Paso Doble was dandy,
So we said goodbye to Kupono and Randi.

Voila. Yeah, I went there with the dandy/Randi rhyme.

Mia is back to judge, sporting a multicolored version of the Kate Gosselin reverse mullet. Ellen DeGeneres is also on the panel tonight. I think she’s hilarious, so I’m excited to hear what she has to say. I also hope Mia goes all Mia on the dancers, if warranted, because I kind of feel like they’ve been too easy on them recently. When asked about any formal dance training she’s received, Ellen tells us everything she’s learned, she’s learned from the streets… in a gated community, with no kids, with a guy named Eduardo, but not really. Mary uses the phrase “off the chain”; an act I’m pretty sure is illegal for anyone over the age of 22 and four months. Cat sweetly asks Mia about her two Emmy nominations, only to be quickly and curtly corrected that it’s been THREE. Then Mia goes on and on about being an artist; I don’t know, I got bored.

Travis is back as a choreographer (yay!) for a group dance. We’re told the dance is simple, but fast. They are wearing lights and funky Lady Gagaesque costumes. I like it, but I think I’ve come to expect so much more from all group pieces—I don’t know. I was underwhelmed. Nigel liked it. Ellen claims she can do that, and takes credit the wearing of lights idea. Mary liked it. Mia declares Travis “has it going on”. She also threatens to wear the costumes on the results show, and oh my God, I wish she would.

Evan is paired with Janette, whose name I’ve been misspelling this whole time. Oops! My husband wonders aloud if Evan can handle “this spicy meatball”. Hee! They will be performing Sonya routine while dressed in dominatrix looking gear. Janette did really well, like I expected, but so did Evan, which I didn’t expect. Nigel liked it. Ellen jokes that she could do that. Mary thought it could have been a little “rougher” at the end, but goes on and on about how much she loved it, until Nigel tries to physically shut her up. Mia says she thinks Evan’s gotten by because he’s adorable, and he’s great stylistically, and he’ll never be the dark dancer that Sonya requires. She tells Janette she’s her favorite, favorite, favorite dancer this season. Janette literally collapses with gratitude.

Kayla decides to chuck showing off her amazing extension for a bunch of waving her arms around the place. Hubby notes “Ellen actually could do that”.

Jeanine and Brandon have been paired, and they seem overjoyed. They are doing a very “still” waltz. They open with a huge lift held for a long time, and that’s about it for the excitement. It’s pretty, I suppose, but honestly it seems a little clumsy and a lot snore. I took this opportunity to check my facebook. Nigel said it was so demanding, but the music almost put him to sleep, and he didn’t get as much as he wanted. Ellen says she disagrees, and makes us laugh. Mary says it’s the slowest waltz they’ve done on the show, and it’s tough, but they “did it respectable” (sic). Mia said that she expected it to be magical, because of the training they’ve had, but there were so many hiccups and stuck moments that she wasn’t taken away.

Jason’s solo. It’s good, but not remarkable.

Ade and Melissa are reunited. They have a Tony and Melanie chachacha. It’s okay, but again, I’m a little underwhelmed. It wasn’t as spicy as I wanted it to be. Nigel says great routine and it was sexy. Mary thought it was okay, but not great from a technical standpoint. Mia says it was Ade’s worst performance of the season. And to Melissa, she says she did an excellent job ridding herself of the ballet hips in order to wiggle them or something. Eh.

Janette gets brave and does a contemporary routine, with a few of her salsa moves thrown in. She does really well!

Jason and Kayla have a Tyce piece. He’s a man caught up in the music, and she’s a temptress trying to woo him. It’s very jazzy and I liked it. Nigel says it was classic, declared that Jason’s feet were perfect, and tells him that he reminded him of Gene Kelly. He says Kayla can do anything, and thinks it’s one of the best routines he’s seen this evening. Mary says everything was fabulous and that they “did it effortless” (again, sic). Oh, then she takes out a brand new train whistle and puts them on the train. Mia proclaims herself the only sane one on the panel… okay punk sheepdog hair, keep telling yourself that. She tells Jason that he needs to work on his upper body because his chest isn’t open, and it’s killing his lines. She’s totally right, that’s a great note for him. Mia asks Kayla if she acts and sings, and Kayla replies that she does sometimes. Mia says she should, because it will be Tony after Tony after Tony because she’s the dictionary definition of girl and perfect and star. Sigh. I am so conflicted over Mia. I think she’s a brilliant choreographer, and she clearly can teach well, but she just seems to take herself SO seriously and can be so mean for no reason… I don’t know.

Ade’s solo is next. He does a popping sort of thing along with his backflips and turns and whatnot.

Does everyone on this show look like they are losing weight? I can’t imagine that you wouldn’t, dancing about a million hours a day, but wow, some of these folks look like they are going to blow away with the first gust of wind.

Janette and Evan are back with a rumba. I thought it was just okay. Nigel says he loved the choreography, but it’s a hard routine to get votes with, because it’s just smooth and sexy. He notes that he found it a little lacking, and then he complains about Evan's… eyelids? WTF is he supposed to do about that??? Ellen notes that she loves Evan’s face, because everyone in LA goes to the same doctor and their faces all look alike. True that! Mary and Mia say they liked it.

I get really distracted at this point, because my dog has a little bump that appears for a few hours, then disappears, then comes back, and when I Google “bumps on dogs that reappear and disappear” the results I get say “bumps that appear then disappear and come back are usually cancer”, and I freak out, so…apologies.

Melissa does ballet to some rock song. It’s fine. My dog takes this opportunity to sniff some flowers. He really loves smelling flowers; I think it’s one of his cuter habits. Don’t have cancer, puppy!

Lauriann Gibson, who has choreographed for Diddy, among many others, is “preparing the soldiers for victory”. There is a lot of yelling at Jeanine and Brandon in the boot camp style rehearsal. They perform, and personally, I think Brandon is just killing Jeanine in this. She’s fine, but he is SO good. Nigel said that’s what he’s asking from his top 8, and notes this is the flattest night he’s seen on SYTYCD, until now. Thank you! It has been a bit dull! He thought Jeanine was great. Huh. I didn’t so much. Ellen likes it. Mary puts them on the hot tamale train. Mia heaps praise Laurieann, and makes her cry. She thinks they were both incredible.

Evan does his typical style and I love it.

Jeanine’s solo is fantastic.

Tyce choreographed a dance about breast cancer for Melissa and Ade. Okay ya’ll, I BAWLED during this dance. But then again, I got sucked into watching Dr. Doolittle this weekend, and as God as my witness, I cried during that too. I don’t like things dying or hurting. The dance is beautiful, from what I can tell through my tear crusted contacts. Nigel is choked up…well, all of the judges are. They all love it. We get to Mia, and she has just broken down. She says she wishes she were strong like that for her Daddy when he had cancer and OH MY GOD I just want to hug her.

Brandon’s solo is amazing; Cat calls him a racehorse.

We end with Jason and Kayla, performing a Shane piece. He’s a zombie, and she’s a schoolgirl turned into a zombie. I’m usually eh about Shane Sparks, but I love this one. Nigel says he’s been disappointed with the hip hop on the show this year, but he loves this. The rest of the judges do too. But I wonder how the other hip hop choreographers feel after hearing that from Nigel!

I have no idea who is going home tonight. My guess is Evan and maybe Melissa? Or Kayla? I really don’t know! Thoughts?

Somehow, it's still the dawning of the Age of Aquarius...So You Think You Can Dance Episode #16

Tonight is the night that everything changes—the power is entirely in the hands of the American voter. I’m a little bitter that I’m not ensconced in a comfy movie theatre chair, eating popcorn and watching HP6 right now, but that irritation recedes when I learn Debbie Allen is our guest judge. OMG I LOVE Debbie Allen!!! Wouldn’t she be the world’s best mom? I’m 99% sure if she kissed your booboo, it really would heal.

Nigel reveals his disquiet regarding the judges’ loss of voting rights, and admits to being a control freak. Mary elaborates how difficult it will be to change partners after so much time working together. Debbie is warmly welcomed back, and tells us her three favorite girls and three favorite guys are still in the competition. She also says that she’s been watching at home, and has thrown her cup of Haagen-Dazs at the screen on more than one occasion. Love it! Honestly, a dinner party with the SYTYCD judges would be the very best dinner party in the world.

Our first dance is the girl’s ensemble routine. They’re performing a Bollywood dance, and it’s wonderful. They look gorgeous!!! Nigel delivers the obligatory “Nakul is cool” comment, and puts all the ladies on his “hot bangers and mash” train. VERY interesting! If you had a “Hot whatever train”, what would your food item be? I’ll have to give this weighty decision some thought. Mary and Debbie both love. I plan to Google where I can get lessons as soon as this show is over. (P.S. For those in DC or NYC who are interested, voila. I so want to do this! http://www.dhoonyadance.com/classes.php )

Kayla and Evan are the first new couple to perform. We see a bit of Mia’s addiction piece again, and I swear, had Kupono been dressed up as a giant Snickers bar, that would have exactly been the story of my life. I am utterly incapable of resisting all things Snickers. Anyway, Kayla is the tallest girl in the competition, and Evan is the shortest guy, and shots of them rehearsing the waltz while she towers over him are a bit funny. Evan says he’ll dance like he’s nine feet tall, and Kayla says “I’ll plie…a lot.” Hee. Also, Evan has HUGE pitties. I know they’ve been dancing for about five hours and all, but for the love of God, if you’re on camera, wear a shirt that hides that nonsense! They perform, and the camera guy decided this routine would be best viewed from an aerial point of view, apparently, because all I can see are the tops of their heads. I suppose that’s one way of hiding the height difference? When they finally show them straight on, they just zoom in on Kayla’s bracelet, so…I don’t know, maybe the costume jewelry was an integral piece of the dance? Evan seems to be doing well with the lifts. Nigel notes that they look the same height, and it’s because…whoa, Evan is rocking some three inch nurse shoe heels, and Kayla is wearing flats. Nigel notes to the choreographer that he didn’t see much Viennese in the Viennese waltz. Wow, I don’t think I’ve seen him give critiques directly to the choreographers before! But he thought that Evan was strong and supportive, and that the lifts were great, when it could have been a nightmare. Mary thought Evan’s footwork needed work, and gives Kayla gets a “FABULOUS!” Debbie says “Darling, you HANDLED your big woman! I don’t care what kind of waltz it is honey, they were in three/four, and they were in time…” She gives more warm praise, and once again: love her.

Brandon performs his solo. It’s good; I think he was better in Vegas, but whatevs. When my husband and I spontaneously perform our own solos, which we are wont to do after a beer or two (or dead sober, or any time, really), they always include some kind of barrel leap, lots of meaningful reaching out, and a bit of rolling around on the floor. I also throw in the “wave hands around head and through hair” move required of the female dancers. Brandon’s solo includes all of these.

Our next couple is Jeanette and Ade—the tallest guy and the shortest girl. They both seemed really excited about the grouping. His pick is gold and sparkly this week! Oh dear. Is he starting his own line? NappyTabs has choreographed a dance whereby Ade infuses Jeanette with funk. Apparently art is a reflection of reality in this case, as Jeanette is many things, but funky she is not. In the dance, the pick acts almost like a wand which controls Jeanette’s movement, and once again I’m reminded that I’m missing Hp6—grr! The dance is performed well and is a lot of fun. Can Tabitha and Napoleon do no wrong? Nigel shoves two pencils in his head and says if that’s what you can do with a pick, then he’s wearing one next week. He tries to critique, still wearing the pencils, and Mary breaks down laughing. Cat notes that it’s hard to take him seriously while he has pens in his hair, and he says “I have to talk Mary out of her clothes later” while making hypnotic type gestures—seriously, I’ll post a screenshot of this for reference. You can just imagine the screams this elicits from Mary. Cat just says “That is a terrible visual”. Mary sobers up, tells Nigel to “just cut the crap”, then adorably yells “That was fuuunky!!!!” Debbie says “Whooo, honey, these children wore me out! I wanted to get up there and dance with you!

Randi’s solo. Wow, she’s really good! Not that I thought she wouldn’t be, but it’s fun to see solos from the contestants who have skirted the bottom three so far.

Kupono’s solo. He’s wearing the necklaces and torn clothes. It’s funky. He sings along to the music, though—huge pet peeve of mine.

Jeanine and Jason are our next pair. Jeanine deadpans that “Last week, I had the Russian Folk dance, which stole the night.” Travis Wall is back as a choreographer! Fun. I actually really love Jeanine after the highlight reel. Their dance is a story about two longtime friends dealing with their romantic feelings toward each other. Poor Travis just looks terrified. They perform, and wow, I LOVE this!!! They perform beautifully, and it’s so well choreographed, and it ends in quite a kiss. My goodness! They get a huge standing ovation from everyone, including the judges. Nigel says he’s so happy to see Travis grow from being a dancer on the program to a choreographer. Mary is silent initially, prompting Nigel to yell “Mary is lost for words! I want you to do the same routine every week!” Mary finally hollers that she’s just ready to pass out, she’s so happy, and she loves seeing Travis back, and she’s crying, and Travis is crying, and Jason looks like he’s going to cry, and oooh! And then Mary hears something! Hooray for the train! Debbie loved the piece, and the dancers. She notes that this show helps evangelize dance in a way that nothing has, and she’s so happy to be a witness to the growth. Me too! And PLEASE bring Travis back as regular choreographer! After this, I may just have to go out and buy his SYTYCD workout DVD. (Note to MSG—I will drink tons of Crystal Light to rehydrate after I work out. Yes I will!!)

Melissa’s solo, yay ballet! It’s very pretty.
Evan’s solo. Wow! He’s looking dapper in a tuxedo, and he dances a beautiful Gene Kelly type routine. I thought it was lovely. I wonder if Ryan choreographed it? As Cat said, let’s hear it for “It’s Evan!”

Kayla’s solo is lovely, and she’s all legs. It’s ridiculous.

Randi and Kupono are paired for a Paso Doble. It looks like a disaster in rehearsal. Choreographers Tony and Melanie say “they were in total panic mode today, and they should be! It was rough!!!” Oh dear. They perform, and it’s Kupono and... some random chick? Honestly, who is he dancing with? Did Randi get hurt? OH GOD no it’s Randi, wearing some crazy wig. They perform, and egh. It is a trainwreck. And I love me some Paso Doble! I always think that I would love to dance this on Dancing with the Stars, except I don’t actually want to be a star. Can they create Dancing with the unknown Virginians as a spin off? Anyway, Kupono drops her at the end…oh, this is terrible. Nigel thinks that Kupono wasn’t strong enough, and that he wasn’t sure about the wig with Randi. Not sure about it? He’s being kind. The wig and the tawdry barmaid costume were dreadful. He says it didn’t work as a couple or as dancers, and that it didn’t feel authentic in any way. Cat says that it’s hard to be a new couple, and Mary notes that it’s hard for everyone, and some people take the challenge and blossom, but Kupono and Randi did not rise above. She describes the passion with which the Paso Doble should be danced; mauling poor Debbie in the process. Finally Debbie has to defend herself with an “AlriGHT, Mary!!!” Debbie says it’s hard not to agree, and it didn’t seem like they didn’t trust each other. When momma Debbie can’t even find words of comfort or praise, you KNOW you sucked.

Ade is once again shirtless—shameless pandering to the female audience! -- And combines Alvin Ailey with Bring it on. Methinks Cat has a little crush on Ade!!!

Jeanine’s solo; she does a great contemporary piece. In general, the solos here seem much better than when they dance for their lives. Maybe lack of nerves?

Jason performs a really interesting piece to “Train Fare Home” from Muddy Waters. Way to take a risk! You know, I like Jason more tonight than ever.

Melissa and Brandon are our last couple to perform. They are doing a Tyce Broadway routine to Aquarius. I don’t know about this damn liberal hippy nonsense, but they dance the bejesus out of the routine. Well, the part of it I could see—the last part of the dance was completely obscured by smoke. Nigel loved it, and said it brought back great memories. I bet it did, Panama Red. Mary loved it, and beats Debbie up some more. What is that all about!?! Debbie, get yourself some Workman’s Comp!!

Jeannette’s solo is last of the night, and she is such a firecracker. Love her!

We wrap it up with the guys performing an African routine. This is new! Evan looks a little petrified. They all tell us how much trouble they had with it during rehearsal. They perform, and…God bless Evan. He keeps making these goofy faces during the performance, and I’m cracking up watching him. But on the whole, the piece has amazing energy, and it’s very complicated, and I love it. Jeffrey Page, the choreographer, seems so pleased. I hope we see more from him!! Nigel tells Evan he looked like a dancing milkshake. Mary loved it. Debbie loves that this is the origin of hip-hop and jazz, but this piece was so pure and authentic, and it was wonderful. Debbie was proud. We could end the show on this nice note, but Nigel throws in that it was MUCH better than last week’s Russian folk dance. Oh that’s great. Like our relations with that country aren’t strained enough. Let’s move on, and stop trying to provoke international incidents, shall we?

I’ll be sad to see any of these guys go home, but I think it will be Randi and Kupono who leave us tonight. Thoughts?

If I catch it coming back this way, I'm gonna serve it to you: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #15

Our dancers, bedecked in red military style uniforms, leap and slither onto the stage ferociously to the White Stripes. The dance is fantastic and very hard hitting, but the unfortunate costumes make them look like a bunch of enraged marching band kids who went AWOL from the Macy’s parade. The choreography is beyond. My conjecture is that this is the work of Wade; hubby guesses it’s NappyTabs, and he’s correct.

Cat looks like she got the “premium bronze” spray at the Mystic Tan, and is wearing loads of blue eyeshadow, and still manages to look stunning. She informs us that it’s Nigel’s 60th birthday—Bonne Anniversaire, Nigel! He says he went to the shop to get a bit of a facelift, but Mary got there first and took all the Botox. Hee—I’m happy we’re all so open about it! I do wish she’d cut back on the habit though—she’s naturally pretty! Tyce FINALLY shows us a little bit of that Tasty Oreo attitude that we’ve come to love—he was TyceLite last night, and me no likey.

Our first two couples to learn their fate are Jason and Caitlyn, and Brandon and Jeannette. Brandon and Jeanette are safe. I know this isn’t a fashion show, but the costumes here…seriously, y’all. Caitlyn is wearing a bra and panty set that I almost purchased during the Victoria’s Secret semi-annual sale, and a see through petticoat. It’s a strange combination.

Next up are Philip and Jeanine, and Randi and Evan. Jeanine has this whole Princess Leia/ Foxy Cleopatra gold lame thing going on. With little ado, we learn that Philip and Jeanine are in the bottom three. While discussing how they choose who will go home, Nigel discloses way too much information, and pretty much takes all of the tension out of the show. Everyone wonders who will make the top ten, because they get to go on tour. Turns out, they bring the rest of the dancers along as swing dancers, which—while that makes sense, it totally takes the fun out of the whole “top ten” thing. He also tells us that the judges discover who the bottom three couples are the morning of the results show, and determine who will go home before the show starts. So why do we have to go through this “dance for your life” sham?!?

The last two couples are Karla and Kupono, and Melissa and Ade. Melissa and Ade are in the bottom three for the first time, and although she’s a little annoying, I’m excited to see Melissa’s solo. No chance she’s going home. Tyce says he wasn’t shocked, because Ade dropped the ball in terms of energy. Melissa’s costume reveals that she has crazy ripped abs.

While the dancers get ready, they show footage of the auditions for season 6. They focus on Teddy, whom Tyce hails as “fantastic, awesome, brilliant!!!” Teddy is wearing a bow tie and argyle pants and kind of waddles around the stage. Hubby wonders “is this a joke?” To wear argyle is to win my heart, though, so I love Teddy already. Additional footage shows some guy spinning on his head. I hope he makes it!!

Solo time! Caitlyn performs first, and busts out a cutesy routine. It’s fine. Jason sticks with the shirtless leaping about that the judges seem to love from the guys. Jeanine dances a contemporary piece and shows off her amazing technique. Philip does his popping thing. Melissa dances to some farting tuba song. Seriously, I thought my dog was tooting before I realized it was part of her music. She moves beautifully, but the fart noise is really distracting. Ade brings the house down with his routine; specifically with a back flip so high he almost gets caught in the rafters. Cat tells him he gave her the “Deeley chills”; every guy watching the show turns green with envy.

Cat introduces DJ David Guetta and Kelly Rowland, who will sing their new song. She’s singing live, which I appreciate.

Kick off time! Nigel tells us they have approached this from a “positive standpoint”, thinking only of the girls they want to continue on this show, and Caitlyn will be going home tonight. Um, that’s not really positive for Caitlyn, though, right? It’s not. She cries, and wow, she looks just like Leann Rimes!

Nigel tells the men that they are all brilliant dancers. He tells Philip that he’s been fantastic on the show, but they’ve been disappointed with his performance in genres with which he's unfamiliar. He’ll be going home tonight, but there’s a twist: Both Philip and Caitlyn will be on the tour! So this whole “top ten” thing is kind of irrelevant this season. Interesting. Takes a bit of the sting out of it, no? I love how the producers just kind of make up the rules as they go along. Philip is still crying, though, and he delivers a very classy and eloquent speech. He hopes he inspired people that don’t have money or access to a dance studio, but do have passion, to go for it. The judges give him a standing ovation. Awww. Now I’m all misty eyed!!! My hubby feels quite strongly that they are getting rid of Philip now, while they can, because they don’t trust America not to vote him through to win. However, with this new twist, they can still bring him on the tour. This point has merit.

I think the biggest shock of the night was not Philip’s exodus from the show, but the fact that DJ Guetta was a white guy. There are good, white DJ’s?! Who knew?

I want some stuff like that there: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #14

The last night before we have our final top ten! Cat, dolled up Old Hollywood style, tells us that we’ll see each couple dance twice tonight. Yay less filler! The women’s hair of truth this week tells us that Caitlyn will be doing some sort of ballroom; her hair is in a low chignon. Melissa is sporting the type of perm popular in 1987, so I’m thinking she has to have Mandy Moore choreography tonight. Kupono is wearing a ton of guyliner; that can’t bode well.  Our guest judge is Tasty Oreo; I feel like we’ll get a very constructive critique or a lot of snark, so it’s a win-win. 

 

Melissa and Ade have a Doriana Sanchez disco. Whee! They perform, and the dance has tons of energy. I have to say, Ade does a remarkable job tonight. Melissa is great as well; she always is, but Ade seems to be having a blast. They do this crazy upside down split thing that seems superhuman.  Melissa falls at the end of the performance, but really, it doesn’t matter. Also, they do this super fast butt wiggle that I shall endeavor to learn. Nigel loves the energy and finds it tremendous. Mary said if they prayed to the disco gods, then she needs an amen.  Tyce thought it was “friggin’ great”.  Mary screams some more, just for hoots.  

 

Kupono and Kayla will perform a Mia routine about addiction.  Mia says that at some point, we all probably contend with wanting something that is bad for us. True that, Mia! Kupono talks about how he doesn’t want to portray an addiction, having had family and friends battle addition. He cries, and it’s a little heartbreaking. They dance, and my goodness—this is the reason why Mia is so famous. It is absolutely stunning, and Kayla and Kupono do an amazing job. Mia is crying afterward.  I thought this was one of the most powerful dances I’ve ever seen on this show. Nigel thought it was brilliant. Mary applauds Kupono’s ability to stay in character no matter what.  She says Kayla is flawless every week. Oh and Grandpa and Grandma are crying! !! Tyce notes that with Mia, you don’t feel like you watched a dance, you feel like you had an experience. Cat says she thinks it will be one to remember from this season. I agree!

 

Caitlyn and Jason are doing a foxtrot from Tony Meredith.  Caitlyn basically says that she’s excited to do any dance that doesn’t suck and require her to wear the world’s worst costume.  They perform, and it’s okay.  I liked it, but it didn’t stand out for me. Jason looks quite debonair, though! Nigel likes it, and thought Caitlyn was smooth, cool and elegant. Mary thought it was tremendous and that it suited them. Tyce thought they both looked like stars, and that they “captured the essence”.

 

Jeanine and Philip are doing a Russian folk dance. Speaking of Russians, it’s actually a goal of mine to befriend more people from that part of the world. At a party last year, I heard a Russian tell her three-year-old daughter “Oh, that bunny is your friend? Your friend has turned his back on you! Because you were too loud!”  in much the same manner that I’d imagine KGB agents of old would speak. It was fabulous.  Anyway, Philip and Jeanine perform a Kalinka.   It’s pretty basic, but has a few fun elements.  The judges critique, and Nigel says it reminded him little kids dancing. He thought it wasn’t about the dancing, it was about the folk style they were asked to do. Well, that’s your fault, producer!  You invited these choreographers on your show; you had to know the style of dance they would create. The complaint that it was too simple is a little insulting—what, are they supposed to change the nature of the traditional dance of their country just to suit you? Not very gracious, Nigel! Mary basically agrees with Nigel. Tyce says he disagrees, he thinks they executed the dance very well, and that it was entertaining.  Thank goodness someone was classy about it!

 

Randi and Evan have drawn a NappyTabs dance. They portray a young couple who find out they are about to have a baby. Rehearsal looks good. I really like the dance, but I don’t get the pregnancy plot line AT ALL .Not even a little bit. It looked more like an engagement story? I don’t get that they are nervous; they just look happy. Nigel likes that they weren’t asked to be urban, and could just be themselves. Mary said she was expecting a train wreck, because she didn’t think they had it in the to perform hip-hop.  Tyce commends the story telling. He thinks Evan needs to find “more”, but he loves Randi. Every week, we hear that the judges are expecting something more from Evan, but they love him.  Why does he keep getting a free pass? I think he’s lucky they’ve avoided the bottom three!

 

Brandon and Jeanette have an authentic tango by the couple that performed earlier in the year, Miriam Larici, and Leonardo something.  They perform, and it’s absolutely wonderful. I can’t believe this is the same couple that did the rocker vs. hip-hop routine; it’s like they’ve transformed.  I love Brandon and Jeanette as a couple—they are so versatile. Nigel actually gives them a standing ovation, and then all of the judges join him.  Nigel says it was a close to perfection as he’s ever seen on this stage for ballroom.  Mary says Brandon was right there in the moment every step of the way, and that Jeanette was flawless. Tyce loves the specifics and the attention to detail, and calls them a power couple.  He compares their dance to making freshly squeeze orange juice, and goes on and on about how you make it. I don’t know that I get how that relates to dance, but I would give my eyeteeth right now for some orange juice. Mary screams some more and starts making choo choo noises; I take it they are on the hot tamale train? . Even Nigel is screaming. My dog has no tolerance for this hooting and hollering, and makes a run for it.

 

Oooh we learn that next week, the couples will switch partners. It happens, but it’s sad!

 

 

Melissa and Ade are back for their second dance, a Ron Mondez waltz. Ron seems very happy with the dancers.  They dance to Mary J Blige “Natural Woman”, and it’s lovely. That’s always what I think when they dance. Nigel says her classical training gave her beautiful lines, and Ade’s strength made for some beautiful lifts. Mary wanted to see more strength and ease from Ade while he was dancing. She calls Melissa mesmerizing. Cat calls Tyce a “Brooklyn Brownie”, and I think my hubby is jealous.  My “Virginia Vegetable” doesn’t have the same ring, though.

 

Kayla and Kupono have a Joey Dowling Broadway piece about love at first sight. Kupono says that he will miss Kayla’s clammy, sweaty hands and feet; Kayla deadpans “that’s what he will miss me? Wow that is awesome. “.  Hee. They dance to “Dance at the gym” from west side story.  I don’t know that I got the whole crazy in love thing, but I thought it was great. Nigel felt like they were missing the true emotion of the dance.  Mary says she can see where Nigel is coming from; that they didn’t latch onto the style, but it was danced well. Tyce, also a Broadway choreographer, says that they didn’t get down to the truth of West Side Story. I don’t remember Joey saying they were specifically portraying Tony and Maria, but whatever.

 

Caitlyn and Jason have Mandy Moore routine, and they are all happy to be back in their comfort zones.  I think they perform well, but I don’t think anyone is arguing that they are good dancers. But it was kind of eh for me.  What is not eh are Caitlyn’s bangs; what the hell is going on with them? It looks like a crazy wig. She also looks like she’s taken up a hard smoking habit; her eyes are all tired and small.  Nigel said it was good, Mary said it was really good, but it lacked magic for her.  Ooooh, Jason doesn’t have a shirt on, and he totally has hickey!!!! I miss what Tyce says because I’m too busy trying to determine if that’s a hickey or a scar.

 

Jeanine and Philip are doing a Tony Meredith jive as their last piece. This jive actually is really, really fun. Philip is a sailor on furlough and Jeanine is…a prostitute? I don’t know, but I like it! Nigel loves the choreography, and also thought Philip was the best he’s been outside of his style. He tells Jeanine if she’s not in the top 10 he’ll be surprised. Mary says she can guarantee she’ll be there next week. So…pressure’s off Jeanine? Mary said she thought this was going to be a huge disaster for Philip and that he was going to be off the show. She tells Jeanine she was on fire. She’s on the hot tamale train! Tyce says what Philip lacks in technique he makes up for in performance, and that Jeanine is a star. They are doing an awful lot of “you’re totally in the top ten” to the contestants tonight. Hope they are sincere!

 

Randi and Evan. have a sexy samba from Pasha and Anya. Randi and Evan are cute, for sure, but sexy? I don’t know so much.  They perform, and I def. don’t get sexy, but I think they dance well. Mary thought it wasn’t dynamic, and they didn’t really commit themselves. Tyce tries to make sexy faces, but he sounds like my cat—in-law when he’s furious with me for existing.  Oh but Tyce interrupted Mary, who was about to put Randi on the Hot tamale train. Big mistake, Tyce! The longer she waits, the more she’ll scream!

 

Our last dance of the night is a Wade Robson piece with Brandon and Jeanette. Brandon seems thrilled to be working with Wade. Who wouldn’t?  He was Britney’s choreographer!  The premise of the dance is that they are two thieves, one crazy, and one more cautious. It’s very fun and they dance perfectly. Oh, I will miss them as a couple!!  Nigel says that he’s so impressed that Jeanette the salsa dancer has picked up every style so well. Mary hollers that they saved the best for last.  Tyce tells them that they have that “thing”.  Can I get an Amen!

My prediction? Tough call, but I think it’s Caitlyn and Jason’s last night on the show. Thoughts? 

Where each and every lulu belle goes: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #12

Our top 14 perform, and it’s a two hour show… for seven dances. Oh Lord, give me strength. You know it’s going to be an episode ridiculously full of filler we see about 78% of the auditions before the opening credits. Cat is wearing the exact same dress I wore as a bridesmaid a few years ago, only she’s gussied it up with a studded leather belt and sparkly huge shoes.

Tonight our guest judge is Mia! Oh goody, I hope she tells more people off. She does those weird crab claw hands again as she’s being introduced. Is that her signature move now? Mary’s face has returned to that puffy mask like stage—boo! She’s so vocally expressive that it makes a lack of facial movement really disconcerting. Cat practically begs Mia to tell us that she’s grown to like Brandon; Mia obliges.

And on that note, we shall see Brandon and Jeanette perform first. They have drawn a Jean Marc et France cha cha cha. This week, contestants share their feelings regarding their big long journey of…three weeks. I’ll take this time to get on my knees and pray to Jesus that we don’t have to endure a two hour episode next week, because what is left to share? Dancers detailing the bunions forming on their feet? Sometimes less is more, producers. Now, I would LOVE to see lots of Jean Marc and France blather, because they are so, so charming. Sadly, all we get is footage of Brandon and Jeannette falling. On one hand, seeing them struggle during rehearsal makes me appreciate a great performance. On the other hand, it’s kind of boring. They dance, and it is amazing! They are my favorite couple. Jeanette is so fiery and energetic, and hits everything. Brandon looks like he’s been doing this his whole life. I swear, every time I see them dance I just want to get up and shake a booty, too. Nigel calls it the best damn cha cha we’ve ever had on the show. Mary tells us exactly why it was so good from a technical standpoint, then stands up and screams that they have two first class tickets on the hot tamale train. Whoot! Mia tells Brandon that she’s tough on the students that have the most potential, and that she won’t be satisfied until she feels he’s living up to his potential. The crowd goes wild over her comments, and Jean Marc stands up cheering, and Brandon cries. Even Cat looks teary eyed. I would also cry, but I am way too mystified by the Russian fur hat with earflaps the 13 year old looking kid behind Jean Marc is wearing. What the heck is that? And he also has a lip ring. Good lord, please don’t tell me this is the latest craze. (A note: I watched this episode with my in-laws, and even my father in law was somewhat horrified by this fashion faux pas. It was that bad.)

Kayla and Kupono tell us of the devastation wrought by losing the partners that they danced with for two weeks. They are doing a Sonya routine about vampires. I’m sure this will be a huge hit with the Twilight fans crowd. The dance is performed very well. I think sometimes style can upstage the dancing (as with the crash test dummy dance), but I think they really let their talent shine in this piece. Nigel tells Kupono he was a new man. Mary raves about Kayla’s legs. We see several shots of an ecstatic Sonya, and we can see that fur cap boy now wears his hat at a jaunty angle. It is truly atrocious. Mia tells them they are gorgeous, the costume and makeup are brilliant, that it’s Sonya’s best piece on the show. Sonya looks very grateful for the praise, and fur cap applauds approvingly behind her. Mia tells Kayla that she’s wonderful and compliments Kupono’s ability to take a note, and his calm power. She thought the whole thing was amazing.

Randi and Evan recap their time together, with a focus on the “but” jokes. Y’all, it’s time to move on from that. They’ve been paired Joey Dowling, who is a Broadway choreographer. Joey is very tall and very pretty, and she will chew you up and spit you out if you suck! Rehearsal footage shows her being super tough and later telling us that she’s going easy on the dancers. I would not want to get on the bad side of Joey Dowling! They dance to a song from Sweet Charity, and Evan does this crazy slow motion cartwheel over a table, and sometimes I can’t get over how strong these people are. Nigel tells us this was quite the homage to Bob Fosse (I love the general dance education on this show), and praises Joey. Nigel loved Randi, wanted more from Evan, but tells them they are both in his top ten. Nigel is not shy about playing favorites! Mary reminds us that the dancers only get five and a half hours to learn the choreography. Which—wow, that’s not a lot of time. Mia found the choreography “Buh-rillant” (her phrase du jour), but found Randi’s movement a little “heavy” (just what every girl wants to hear, no?), and expected more from Evan. They just get a “good job”.

Caitlyn and Jason are dancing a Brian Freeman dance. Caitlyn is an alien who has destroyed the earth, and is trying to find the last surviving male to impregnate. Brian notes that Caitlyn is having trouble picking up the details of the choreography, and Caitlyn says it’s all a little weird and she hopes they don’t scare off voters. They perform, and…Jesus, Mary and Joseph. What the hell is she wearing? It’s like wardrobe went dumpster diving behind a theatre where Cats is performing, retrieved a torn black unitard, repaired it with duct tape, and added huge tin foil dog collar spikes on the head for good measure. I will bet good money that furrier cap boy is responsible for this hot mess. They dance, and they perform well, but you know—I absolutely hate this dance. I just did not enjoy it at all. Nigel tells us he thinks Brian Freidman is from another planet and it’s very weird, but commends the dancers for committing themselves 100% to the weirdness. Nigel calls Caitlyn a “dancing condom”, and Cat reminds them “safety first”. Mary said it didn’t “sit right” with her. Amen! Mia thinks it was fun and enjoyable. I think this is as close as the judges have ever come to saying “that dance sucked, choreographer”.

Philip and Jeanine are next. We see a lot more of Philip’s busted pants from last week again. They have pulled a Tabitha and Napoleon piece for this week. Again with the NappyTabs for them--lucky! This dance involves them being chained to each other, and it’s supposed to represent the contestants experience on the show. Holy crap, dancing while chained to another person looks really hard. The piece is really interesting! Nigel loves it. Mary thought it was very creative and commends their great dancing. Mia felt like the “chainography” was distracting.

Up next are Melissa and Ade, who have magically drawn the pas de deux out of the hat. Okay—I shall now call BS on this whole random, draw out of the hat concept. I’ve had my doubts for several seasons. When Kaytee and Joshua got the first Bollywood dance last year, I thought to myself “no way is that random; they wanted the best pair to dance that routine.” Maybe this was a special exception to the hat draw, but then that’s crap. Anyway, I won’t complain too much, because I am THRILLED to have real ballet on the show. They are dancing a pas de deux from Romeo and Juliet—apparently it’s been Melissa’s dream to be Juliet, so that’s nice. They perform, and it is so, lovely. Ade holds his own, but Melissa is breathtaking. Nigel pats himself on the back for now incorporating classical dance and the diversity of styles performed on the show. Mary praises the beautiful performance, and Mia says she’s so excited that classical ballet is on the show now, and that it was danced so well. She also loves that it’s a black and white Romeo and Juliet, and honestly, I didn’t even notice that. Sometimes I’m clueless.

Karla and Vitolio have drawn the “kiss of death” the quickstep. Mmm hmmm. The judges totally want them to go home, and now this? TOTALLY not random! At least Jean Marc is involved! We get to see Jean Marc’s analogies, which Vitolio finds helpful, and I find adorable. They dance to Rufus Wainwright, which makes me happy. I found their performance charming. I know nothing about the quickstep, but it seems like they are dancing it well, their footwork looks really good. Nigel loves the choreography and thought they danced well. Mary tells us it was well done, and whoos their scatter sashays. I want to scatter sashay through life!

Predictions are moot at this point, and I missed the results show, so I can’t recap that. I read that Karla and Vitolio went home—sad, but not surprising. Until tomorrow, y’all!