It's a "No" for me: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #4

Vegas week! We’re spending the week at the Planet Hollywood casino. Seriously? Do Planet Hollywood restaurants exist anymore? If they do, has anyone eaten at one since the early 1990’s? 

I do like that they always call this the search for America’s favorite dancer, as opposed to America’s BEST dancer. Because let’s be honest—that person’s probably hanging out with their co-workers at the New York City Ballet. The best these guys can hope for is to end up on Dancing with the Stars (which would totally rock), or as the backup dancer for Lady Gaga (also fabulous).

Speaking of backup dancers, there is a rumor out there that I was a backup dancer for Britney Spears. This rumor once made it into the William & Mary Alumni magazine in the “class notes” section. I will neither confirm nor deny this piece of information. But I will address the rumor that I was an NFL cheerleader. That is false. 

Nigel’s hair looks pretty good! Mary’s face is now both frozen and puffy. I can’t give her too much crap about that because I can guarantee y’all that there will be a point in my life when I will look at the mirror, freak the hell out, and run to my nearest plastic surgeon or dermatologist. Actually, that look in the mirror may have happened this morning. Wrinkles AND pimples, really? Sigh. I digress.

All 173 dancers perform solos to remind the judges who they are. That must have been the longest day of the judge’s life. Watching 173 solos? I don’t care how good they are, I’d be ready to claw my eyes out. 

Up first is Alex Wong, a dancer with the Miami City Ballet. He doesn’t have a contract that would forbid this kind of thing? Good God, this boy is ripped. He dancers divinely. Mia’s jaw drops. My jaw drops. Brandon’s got some serious competition! They don’t give official feedback, but you can tell the judges are smitten. The rest of the contestants freak out, as well they should.

Tony wears a suit and performs to that “Somebody’s watching me” song from the Geico commercials, with pictures of Nigel standing in for the googly eyed dollar bills. It’s a fun routine, but there wasn’t much actual dancing. Better step it up!

Nigel says that collectively, “You’re not as good as we thought you were”. Ouch!! I would be cranky too, though, after 173 solos. For this first cut, if just one judge wants a dancer to stay, they are safe. The judges cut 45 people from this round. They aren’t messing around!

The hip hop round is first, and Tabitha and Napoleon have choreographed a dance to Boom Boom Pow. Gabby, the quirky bird-like dancer with rheumatoid arthritis, is a disaster. Oooh! Mia’s quote of the day: “I love cutting, because I like seeing people who aren’t good at what they do go home.” Damn, woman! I have to be honest, I do not love Mia. I used to love her choreography, but I feel like that’s taking a turn to the pretentious. Example #1: That ghastly Clockwork Orange meets Barnum and Bailey dance from last year. Egh! Anywho, the judges tell Gabby she was terrible, but they liked her solo, so she gets another chance. Whatevs! I could’ve told them she was a one trick pony back in the beginning. I need to be a judge on this show. 

Someone who got cut says “Excuses are the tools of the incompetent, and I will not use them.” I will! I love me some excuses. I feel like my ability to justify anything is a talent! Another reject doesn’t know what year it is. Um….I suppose he did just spend hours dancing to a song with the brilliant lyrics “I’m so 2008; you’re so 2000 and LATE”, so that could be confusing. Also, Black Eyed Peas—if you’re going to use lyrics like that, you probably shouldn’t release the song in…2009. Because now YOU’RE 2000 and late. Just sayin’. 

They send half of the contestants home on the first day? Yikes!

Day two begins with a Jean-Marc and France waltz. I love them, even if they have a propensity to choreograph to songs by Celine Dion and American Idol finalists. I still think the Twitchington tribute to their daughter last year was amazing, even if Mia did slam Kerrington for being too pretty. Grrr Mia. 

Commercials tease that Natalie or Brandon might go home. OMG... if Brandon goes home I will lose all faith in humanity.

Now it’s time for jazz with Sonya. Get your crazy hats on! Oh, and they are focusing on Brandon and Natalie!!! We get to see their auditions again, which is all kinds of great, because Brandon’s was a work of art. Sonya actually asks Brandon and Natalie to demonstrate to the dancers what she wants out of her choreography. Thinking they will get through this round. 

But when the actual auditions roll around, Natalie is just not good. . It was odd. Oh my god—they cut her!!! I didn’t think she was THAT bad—I’m kind of shocked. They didn’t even ask her to dance for her life? This is crazy. Nigel and Sonya hug her. Oh no….she seems heartbroken because she feels like she let the judges down. Brandon is crying, and the rest of the dancers kind of freak out because they feel like nobody is safe. Boo.

Lil’ C tells Brandon that he’s not impressed, and Mia agrees with him. She says that she’s heard he’s brilliant, and she hasn’t seen it, and she’s disappointed. I’ve decided that Mia hates all that is good in the world. She probably kicks puppies as a second hobby. Nigel says he does think he’s brilliant, he thinks everything he’s done is fantastic, and he thinks he’s one of the best dancers they’ve had. Oh man. Brandon is weeping all over the place.


Gabby is still a mess. Lil’ C just keeps muttering “it’s bad, so bad…” and kind of rocks to console himself. Nigel holds his head and wails “it’s nothing, it’s nothing!” People, get a grip on yourselves!!! Debbie Allen tells Gabby she’s breaking her heart; her solo is amazing, and she’s such a disappointment, and it hurts them to be so wrong. They ask her to dance for her life, but she has to get at least three votes from the judges. Her solo is wonderful. Mia is crying and calls her a gem. Mia seems a little unstable right now, y’all. Someone slip her some lithium bicarbonate. Lil’C calls it buck. Mary is wearing some crazy puffed sleeve thing that nobody over the age of 26 should wear. I can’t remember what she thought about the dance. 

At the end of the day, the 73 remaining learn that they have to break into groups, grab a random CD, and choreograph a routine to it during the night. Oh….I hate this part of the auditions. It’s so pointless. What does being able to choreograph a dance with your peers while being deprived of sleep have anything to do with this competition? There’s always some group that’s fighting or mad that someone went to bed, and it’s generally just a waste of time. 

Why are all of these girl contestants sporting messy Mohawks like Mia’s. Is this the new trend? I am not a fan. 

Group Choreography: First group is a disaster. Silky the tapper is asked to dance for his life. One of the many Mohawk girls goes home. Adam calls something “so convention 101 barf.” I have no idea what that means, but Adam said it, so I assume it’s the gospel truth. The judges hate all of the choreography and dancing. What do they expect? I hate it too! Only five got cut in that round. Was it really worth it??

Oh man. Now they have to do Mia’s chorography on no sleep. Favorites get slashed, including Naboya the Japanese popper, the future Laker girl, and Tony has to dance for his life. We get a sibling update; the sister with the curly hair from Miami (Megan) is safe. Her sister Caitlyn seems to forget the choreography, and is asked to dance for her life right then. Her solo is really good, I thought, but they call it “old fashioned”. Nigel tells her to bring her dancing up to date. Mia hates her, of course, because Mia hates all conventionally pretty girls. 

Evan and Ryan—the tapping brothers. Oh, I love them! Ryan is first; Mary calls him adorable and tells him he nailed it; he’s through to next round. Evan is also great; however, Mia makes him “flea hop” off the stage. Have some self respect, Evan!!!

My satellite is going out with these storms. Boo!!

Tony does okay the second time around. He’s crying. The piano of pain plays. Debbie says he let them down, and gives a long speech, but he goes through, and the just breaks right down on the stage. Cat hugs him and says “I love it when fully grown men cry” and laughs right in his face while he’s crying. She does this cutely, though. She is such a good host.

Final day! Tasty Oreo’s choreographing to West Side story. AAAAHHHH LOVE! 

The girls are dancing to “America”. I am thrilled about this, as it’s my favorite song from one of my favorite musicals. One of my great regrets in life is not having an opportunity to perform in West Side Story. I must save this eppy on my DVR so I can learn this dance.

Whoa…Fantasia Barrino is trying out??? Oooh no, it’s that girl tapper, Bianca. Holy crap, they could be twins. She doesn’t make it past this round; nor does Gabby or Sister Megan. It’s about frickin’ time they cut Gabby. They’ve hated her every round! Sister Megan seems a little bitter that she got cut, but that her sister made it through. My husband has a theory that Megan wasn’t the cute sister, but that dancing was her thing. And now Caitlin comes along, and has only been dancing for five years, and goes farther than she does in the competition. I think this is an excellent theory. They cut it down to 16 girls. 

The boys are next, and are cut down to 16 as well. Brandon, Phillip, and Tony make it.

Montage of the top 32 solos. Do we not get to see those!?! They skip right over to it, and start talking about the dramatic reveal of the top 20. Which we will learn about—tomorrow!