The top 20 perform, finally! I’ve consumed nothing but cupcakes and wine in the last twelve hours, so I’m feeling super punchy and a bit charitable, y’all. I expect to throw my back out trying to tipsily learn some of these moves tonight. Anywho, the top 20 remind us of their skill by performing mini solos. Or they just annoy us; Melissa takes half of her fifteen seconds to do that “I’m naughty” finger suck thing, and busts out some odd grande plie. That’s the best you’ve got?
Cat introduces and does that talk out of one half of the mouth that Alicia Silverstone did in clueless. Some people can pull this off and look cute, and some people try it and look like they’re still numb from dental work. Cat falls in the former category, of course, because she is adorable.
Adam is our guest judge; yay! I heart him. I love how genuine he is with his praise, or disappointment of behalf of the dancers. He talks about how he’s producing three movies right now; one of which is “Step Up 3D”. Katee, Twitch and Joshua from last season are in it, so…you know where I’ll be whenever this comes out.
Our first couple is Jeanine and Phillip. Interesting pairing…a Hoku with a Britney. Lucky Jeanine! Tabitha and Napoleon are the choreographers. I really like Phillip, so I hope this goes well. Oooh! The dance reminds me a lot of the Chelsie and Mark “Bleeding Love” piece from last year, which is a good thing. They totally nail it. The dance ends with them cuddling on the floor, and Cat has to tell them to stop “shnecking”. Hee! Adam calls it un-freaking-real. Mary fakes disappointment, then screams her head off. It scares my dog. Nigel notes that Jeanine really held her own with Phillip, which certainly was a challenge.
Asuka and Vitolio are up next, and Tasty Oreo is the choreographer. The premise is that they are filming a silent movie. I thought it was fine and danced well, but I don’t think Vitolio brought the energy that I expected. His jumps barely made it off the ground, and I know he can do better. The judges concur that it was good, but too safe. If you can’t garner a scream from Mary on the first performance night, you know you’re in trouble.
Karla and Jonathan. Before they even dance, I’m predicting that they will be in the bottom three. They are doing a strobe light enhanced cha-cha to Poker Face. They dance and I think he’s good, but I don’t like his facials. She’s fine. I thought it was good, not great. The judges are more enthusiastic than I am. Mary makes Jonathan’s wish come true by screaming for them.
Randi and Evan! They are doing a jazz piece by Tasty. It’s a passionate piece, and Evan worries aloud about not knowing how big Randi’s husband is, and apologizes in advance. They perform, and this dance has an energy that I love. I don’t think it’s danced as cleanly as the others, but I like the entertainment value. Mary does more screaming. I like it when she punctuates things with “yes you do” and “yes you did!’. I wish I could provide feedback to people at work in the same manner; it would make performance reviews so much more interesting. “You NAILED that forecast YES YOU DID! WHOOOO!!! WHOOOOO! HERE COMES THE TRAIN!” Once again, Mary’s hollering frightens my dog. Cat calls them the cutest little couple and tells them she just wants to pick them up and put them in her pocket. This is like the millionth reference to their height. How stumpy are these people?
Paris and Tony. They are doing a NappyTabs piece. Tony shows difficulty maintaining a “stank face” during rehearsal. Honey, just look back on footage featuring Mary's leather fringe vest from the Denver auditions, and you will have no problem making a stank face. They perform, and honestly, I think it’s just eh. I felt like Paris with her pigtails and smile was way too perky for this type of dance. Adam gives it an “I thought you did well, but…” Mary and Nigel found it forgettable. I think Tony’s built in fan base may keep them out of the bottom three, but I think they’re in danger tonight.
Caitlyn and Jason. They are doing Bollywood oh YAY! Kaytee and Joshua’s Bollywood piece last season was one of my favorite dances of all time. By the look of the rehearsal, it looks like it’s going to be great. Caitlyn cutely jokes about her lack of finger muscles. They perform, and I love it love it. It's way more complicated that last year’s piece, and requires Caitlin to hold a handstand in various positions forEVER. Critique time; Adam jumps up and screams “YOU GUYS ROCK!” They so did. Mary and Nigel love it as well.
Jeanette and Brandon are doing the foxtrot. HEY! This looks nothing like the foxtrot Valentino taught my hubby and me for the first dance for our wedding! We got cheated! Oh, and now there’s a flood warning going across my screen and I can barely see the dance. From what I can see it looks really nice. They do some crazy lift spin at the end—always good to end with a punch. The judges weigh in, and OMG!!!! HAHA So Cat asks Mary to give us an eyebrow (her former signature move) and give us the verdict, and Mary replies “I can’t, because of the Botox!” Hahaha! The dancers double over laughing, and Jeanette becomes my favorite dancer because she does this flawless imitation of Mary’s mask face. Mary screams her head off and hollers “I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT!!!!” Honey, it was no secret. I miss her facial expressions, though! She also screams that if people can’t see Brandon’s greatness, THEY’RE CRAZY! THEY ARE CRAZY!!!” My dog gives a little growl as Mary’s shrieking disturbs his nap.
Ashley and Kupono are dancing a Wade Robson piece. He’s back this season? Did America’s Best Dance Crew not work out so well for him last summer? I’m predisposed to like this couple because Kupono reminds me SO much of a friend from college with whom I lost touch, and miss. The dance is…crazy. They are crash test dummies in love, and they have a dog? And the dancers are painted white. It’s wacky, but danced well. The judges praise the dancing and acknowledge that choreography is going to be either loved or hated. You can tell they are trying to be polite; they call Wade a genius, and say that at least this piece is memorable, and will be discussed. Wade seems to give credit to a woman whom I assume is his Yoko Ono. Did she choreograph the piece? If so, that’s crap!
Before we go to commercial we see more of Melissa naughtily biting her finger. What is that? I am so done with her!
Melissa and Ade. Ade has amazing jumps and attends a college I’ve never heard of. The choreographer is Mandy Moore...eh. She seems nice enough, but I find her dances kind of trite and cheesy. Also, she will only use adult contemporary music produced from 1983-1988. Rehearsal footage shows Melissa saying she likes the naughty twister in the choreography. Okay, please beat us over the head with this some more. You’re naughty. We get it. They perform, and the song is by….Richard Marx? Of course. Only Mandy. When will she do one to Huey Lewis and the News? I actually like the dance, and thought it was performed really well. Also, there is a wind machine. The dance made Adam cry, aww! Mary screams her head off again. Nigel loves.
Our last couple, Kayla and Max! They are doing a samba, which is great for Max, the Russian Latin ballroom dancer. They are dancing to this fabulous House of Gypsies song that I must download. If the rehearsal is any indication, they are going to be incredible. And they are! I actually got chills while watching it. Holy effing crap this is the best dance EVER! I wish I could swish my hips like Max. If Mary doesn’t put them on the hot tamale train then there is no justice in the world, and the HTT will lose all meaning it ever had for me. They bust out this fabulous move that requires Kayla to leap on Max, wrap her legs around his waist, and they both do the shimmy. I hope my husband is prepared for me to pounce on him in a similar fashion early and often, because I MUST add this to my movement vocabulary. It would be a hit at weddings and picnics. It ends, and Adam is so amazed he apparently has to claw his eyes out. He says that Kayla makes him believe in God; Mary asks for an Amen. And here it comes…Mary says she hears the train, stands up and starts to lose her damn mind. My dog grumpily goes upstairs; my husband comes out of the office and asks what the heck is going on with Mary. It was that loud. Mary puts them aboard the hot tamale train. Nigel calls it extraordinary. And it so was!
So my prediction for the bottom three couples: Karla and Jonathan, Paris and Tony, and Asuka and Vitolio. Your thoughts?
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