Cue Music: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #3

Welcome to the city of angels. Oh lordy. By the look of the hideous scarf wrapped around Cat’s neck like a bib from Red Lobster, it appears that Mary’s stylist has found another victim. This criminal must be stopped!

Our guest judge is Adam!!! He choreographed the movie “Hairspray”, among others. He’s a very animated and amusing judge, so I’m excited to see him. Some of last year’s top 20 contestants are in the audience as well.

First up is Bianca, who tried out last year, and almost made it to the top 20. She’s a tap dancer. I have to say, SYTYCD has a super high number of people who audition repeatedly, esp. those who made it to the final cut in previous seasons. How heartbreaking will it be for them if they don’t make it onto the show again? Bianca wows the judges, and it’s Vegas again for her.

Xavier and Brynelle are siblings, and they are CREEP-PAY! During their pre-audition interview, they discuss with pride how they always hold hands, go everywhere together, and are so close that their friends call them girlfriend and boyfriend. Their audition piece is very passionate, but not danced well. Mary asks “Are they brother and sister?” Adam confirms that they are, and all of the judges (well…Mary as best she can with botox face) look horrified. I’m sure my face mirrors their expression. My husband actually had to turn away, it was so ew to watch. If the CIA is looking for a new way to make detainees uncomfortable now that waterboarding is out, I would highly recommend that they use this footage.

Debra does a dance about pain, and searching, and reaching. It is not good, and not just because she doesn’t have the typical dancer physique. I like that the judges give her constructive feedback about what type of movement would work best for her body. She stays classy and thanks them.

Suzanne performs what she calls a “fairy medicine dance”. Nigel asks what she’s on, and she replies “joy”. I don’t think I’ve heard crack called that before, but okay.

More LA trainwrecks; some guy in clown makeup, another guy dancing en pointe to Rhianna. Judges grimace.

Calico the swing dancer shows us her stuff. Her dancing is nothing special, but she’s smiling and really seems to enjoy herself. It’s a no for Calico, but Adam offhandedly says “I’d love to dance with you”. Calico beckons him up to the stage, and Nigel insists that he go. Adam’s like “um…really?”, but up he goes. Like all of the other contestants, they display Adam’s biographical information on the screen, complete with “Age: 21ish”. Heh. He steps up to the mic to receive his feedback, and the judges invite the old contestants to critique him in their place. He then performs a pitch perfect imitation of the contestants who are put through to Vegas. This was an amusing diversion.

Ricky and Asuka are an international latin ballroom couple; Asuka made it to the final round last year, but didn’t make the top 20. Again with that? They are fantastic; Adam recommends that Ricky push Asuka down a flight of stairs, because it’s so hard not to watch her. Hee—I heart Adam. He would be the world’s best dinner guest. They both go through to Vegas.

Nathan is the last audition of the day. He almost gave up dancing because he was tired of being mocked. He is amazing, his turns are unbelieveable, and he’s one of those people that aren’t just technically good, but captivating to watch. There’s a big difference. But he’s only 17, and you have to be 18 to compete. Nigel gives him a ticket to Vegas, but for the next season. Can you do that? I guess if you’re the executive producer, you can do anything you want.

Day two!Sammy’s a popper who is rocking a red Mohawk. He chats with Cat about how he’s a dancer, but also used to wrestle. Cat excitedly takes this opportunity to demonstrate her “The Rock” move, which actually looks more like she’s super constipated. This is why I love Cat. Sammy performs some crazy hair choreography that the judges love, he goes through to choreography, and ultimately to Vegas.

Stacey is dressed in 80’s attire, and OMG she is TOTALLY copying my “Fan of the Game” dance!!!!! I gots to copyright my nonsense. She does not go through. Harumph. The judges clearly do not recognize brilliance when they see it!!

Amanda Kirby is next. We see her with her family at home; her dad has MS. She’s crying; he’s tearing up and says seeing her dance is inspirational. Sigh. I’m sorry if I sound like a jerk--these stories are def. sad, but it's always the same: sad story, people cry, they dance well, they go to Vegas. We all have problems, sister! Her audition is good; she does some sexy move and Nigel gets all letch like he does and eww—I HATE it when he does that. But I think I know why his grin creeps me out now—his teeth are way too big for his mouth!!! Same with Simon Cowell. Neither of them have teeth that look any kind of natural. I know they are veneers and all, but still. I bet they went to the same dentist. He needs to drink more coffee and stain ‘em up. Anyway,she’s good, and she’s really pretty, and she’s through to Vegas. I don’t see her making the top 20, but she would be a great Laker girl.

Phillip auditioned last year, but got pneumonia, and couldn’t go to Vegas. He’s back, and as he’s warming up, Nigel pulls him out and gives him a ticket to Vegas. But he’s not done, because he’s auditioning with Arielle, whom he met last year. We begin their interview, and oooh—the piano of pain is playing. Sigh. Here comes the tough luck story. Welcome to Vegas, Arielle! Family was in a horrible car wreck; Phillip drove her to the hospital to visit her mom. Momma then taught Phillip how to partner from her wheelchair. Their audition is really cute; they manage to combine his popping and her contemporary into a great routine. She makes it through to Vegas—obviously.

Kevin “Shakiro” is excited to show the judges his style of Latin dancing. He is wearing a plaid shirt and white Levi’s that are way too tight on his not slender frame. OH MY GOD camera man PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD stop zooming is on this guy’s crotch!!!! Ugh! The judges note that he wasn’t dancing, he was just shaking. But like they do, they encourage him to keep dancing if he loves it, even if he’s not meant to be a professional. That’s fine, as long as I’m not subjected to staring at his crotch wiggling in all its HD glory on my TV screen.

I’m super tired the song they dance to in choreography. “nobody nobody nobody…”

We’re in Seattle now. The intro song is that “apple bottom jeans and boots wit the fur” song. Really? This is not Oakland. And our guest judge? Is Mia!!!! Oooh, y’alls in trouble! Mia is an amazing choreographer. She does not suffer fools gladly. And she will rip your head off if she doesn’t like you. Previews show her telling some poor soul “that was the biggest piece of s**t I’ve ever seen.” Heh.

First up is Christopher. The judges guffaw during the audition, to the point where Mary is in hysterics. Nigel remarks that his partner, who is not competing, is the sensible one. It’s all kinds of awkward.

Nick Nasty, an aspiring tattoo artist, is next. He does a hip hop, break dance type routine. In the beginning he does well, and Mia looks like she just wants to eat him up. But after about a minute he stops, claiming that he can go for five minutes or so, but he ran out of energy. Nigel merely remarks that he didn’t make it two minutes, and asked what happened. Nick gets crazy defensive and amazingly rude. Mary says that he was a yes, but now he’s a no, because of his personality. Mia points out that if he’s this disrespectful to the executive producer, how will he be to the choreographers and other dancers. I hate those people who tell the judges off. Nasty Nick shaves his head, but I will bet you good money he was a redhead!!!

They show a montage of terrible performers. They have yet to send one person through to Vegas on day one. Apparently rainy weather does not inspire good dancing. Ultimatly only four people make it through to Vegas from choreography.

Day two. Nigel begs them to ‘bring something magic”. I beg Nigel’s hairdresser and dentist to do the same.First contestant has some Hawaiian name that I cannot spell, but his nickname is “Porno”. He dances with a chair, and copied Sonya’s haircut. Mia thinks he has “something”; he’s through to choreography.

More people who are good, and go through to choreography.

Oooh, Sex is back! He auditions every year. The judges plead for him not to return.

Leonid from the Ukraine is up next. Omg, I LOVE his accent. He dances like he’s at a rave. Mia says she would love to see a battle with him and Sex. And it’s on! They take up about a quarter of the show with this dance battle, probably because they have no good auditions to show. Vegas week is next! And the previews show Nigel with a decent haircut. About time!!!!