So You Think You Can Dance Episode #2: The Recap

Today we’re in Miami, where we are told repeatedly and enthusiastically that it’s “Caliente, baby”. Judging by the montage following these proclamations, being caliente inclines folks to plant their feet in a squat and jiggle the rump really fast, because we see about half the people in line bust this move. I think I will incorporate this jiggling into my repertoire; maybe then I’ll win the Washington Nationals “Fan of the Game” contest. (I’m still bitter about my loss last week, y’all. Stinkin’ cute little kid.)

Our guest judge this time is Tice DiOrio (Not “Tasty Oreo”, although that’s exactly how it sounds when you say his name out loud.) I love most of his work, except I think he’s the one who choreographed some crazy cave man dance last year and both dancers who performed it got the boot.

First up is Tony, who is wearing a polo and khakis. He tells us he has the “Tony” style, which involves the grapevine, making licking motions at the camera, and doing some dog-going-#1-move. Sigh. Tony, the goofy guy dancing is so 1999 teen movie. Nigel initially looks quite alarmed during his spirited but terrible audition, Mary laughs, and Tice looks annoyed about the obvious waste of time. The judges critique; Tice belabors the “you were bad” point, and afterwards, preppy Tony proceeds to have an asthma attack or something outside of the theater. Not a good start, caliente Miami!

Pricilla is next, and she redeems her city. From the footage shown during the interview, she’s very good. Tice won’t stop moaning “Oh yeah” during her audition, and it’s very distracting. Good technique, theatrical…Tice is in loooooove. She’s through to Vegas.

Our next ballroom couple auditioned last year; Jeanette made it through to Vegas but got cut; Romulo didn’t make it through at all. What does this year hold? They kick booty!! Lots of fun (and dangerous looking) tricks. Mary screeches and demands that the go to Vegas, and so they do. Yay! I like them.

Twins with hot pink eyeshadow and terrible costumes. That never bodes well. They are not good. Nigel calls it a nightmare; Mary seems speechless, and Tice calls it “tragic, but fun”.

Montage of Tice’s critiques. He points out to one girl that she sniffed her armpit. He tells another guy “if you’re going to do drag, drag it up on the stage and do it right!!!” This is why I love me some Tice!!! But also why after a short time, he annoys the crap out of me.

We shall now be “showizzhammed”, Joseph says. Indeed! He’s got one of those cute popper type routines. Through to choreography. I loved him; I’m such a sucker for this style of dance. They better put him through…and they do!!!! Yay!!!

Cat greets the dancers as they run out with their tickets and celebrates with them. She is so cute! My husband has been told that he’s totally allowed to have a crush on her.

Day two!!

Wislande is a hot mess. That’s all I have to say about her.

Oooh another tapper! Erik “Silky” is tapping to Thriller. Do you know that William and Mary holds the Guinness world record for most people to dance Thriller at one time? Tribe Pride! Anyway, Silky is really good. Oooh. Last week, Peter the tapper challenged the world to a tap duel. Silky would take that guy down!!!

Now we have Miss Washington auditioning. Paris has been doing pageants since she was 10. She’s dancing very well to some effed up version of one of my favorite Britney songs. Why would you not use “Toxic” in its original, brilliant form, Miss Washington?!?!

More good people. They go through.Question: When did it come de rigueur for girls to wear tiny tight shorts and normal shirts out of their closet for dancewear? I get on my knees and thank Jesus every day that was not the trend in my dance class days. My juicy was not built to be stuffed into those shorts, even in my buffest days.

Talia got married at 18, and after four years of marriage, was widowed. They are interviewing her at home, and showing family photos. Just like one plus one make two, sad story plus home video equals Top 20. Congrats, Talia! Audition; she’s just okay, I think so. Her facials are really annoying. Will she be an exception to the rule??? She gets up through to choreography, and makes it through to Vegas. I knew it!!

We’re off to Memphis (but not Graceland, sadly.)Dancers greet us with “welcome to the dirty south, y’all!” What does that even mean!?!? Why is the south always referred to as “dirty”? I think we have enough image issues without propagating this notion.

Lil’ C is our guest judge. He’s a great hip hop choreographer, but his critiques are usually words that don’t belong together but are somehow mushed into a sentence. Except when he calls something “buck”, which was my new favorite adjective last year.

Marico introduces us to Memphis Jukin? Whatever it is, he does it well. He’s the type of dancer who seems capable of mastering any style. The judges love it, and put him through to Vegas. Good for him!

Oh man. I love this next guy. He’s wearing a huge red headband. His second cousin is Howie from the Backstreet Boys, and he learned how to dance from their videos. Oh dear. I think that only ever worked out well for Snowball the Cockatoo. Dustin dances to Lady Gaga, and for a brief and terrifying second, I think he’s going to do a striptease for us. It’s a no for Dustin. Thank the lord!

Ooooh no. Creepy Christopher Corroza, who is a pale white guy with red hair twisted into really long dreadlocks. Okay, if I have a son who is a redhead like his momma, THIS is why I want to dye his hair. I think it’s a hard, cruel world for the redheaded boys out there. I get a lot of dismayed “noooo, that’s not true” when I tell people this. Whatevs! You didn’t suffer through 9th grade English being told “you know that Jack is a devil-like figure, because he’s a redhead” or “please note, Duchess in ‘The Outcasts of Poker Flats’ is a redhead, and therefore a prostitute” (Thanks, Mrs. Flippen!). Critics, I present to you Exhibit A:Chris is wearing denim flamenco pants and a shirt that looks like wallpaper from the 1970’s. He performs his own style called “electric”. Captivating, it is not. He hops around waving his arms. It is painful to watch, particularly because he clearly takes himself so seriously. When the judges try to provide constructive feedback, he bitches (the only word for it) to them that they are being “critical”. They say “yes, we’re judges, that’s what we do”, and he snips some more and marches off the stage before they can finish. I totally blame this deviant behavior on his hair color. Def. whipping out the sun-in, y’all. If Gwen Stefani can dye her kid’s hair (thanks for that insight, US Weekly!), then so can I!

Caitlin is up now; her sister just auditioned in Miami, and got through to Vegas. She performs beautifully. She’s only been dancing for five years? Wow. They stop the music when she is literally in a handstand. Oops. She goes through as well—yay sisters!

We hear Anna’s super sad story about her dad committing suicide. They just don’t share this stuff if the contestant isn’t going through to Vegas, so while it helps us get to know the contestants, it kinda takes the mystery out of it. Also, is it mandatory to have a hard luck story in order to get into this competition? It’s not “So You Think You Can Endure Some Personal Tragedy and Dance”. They put her through to choreography. And of course she goes to Vegas.

Travis is here from Texas. His dad is a Texas high school football coach, and Travis is not a guy’s guy, to put it mildly. His dad loves him to pieces, and it’s so nice to see parents accept their kids for who they are. Since we’re hearing from daddy, I’m pretty sure he’s a yes. He is really good, and when offering feedback, Nigel applauds daddy, too! Good good. He goes to choreography, then to Vegas.

Brothers who tap dance, but are auditioning separately. One will use a whoopee cushion as a prop and his accompaniment. The other made it to the top 40 last season. Evan, the one from last season, gets through to Vegas again. Ryan of the whoopee cushion? Through as well. They are cute.

More twins. Hope they are better than the pink eyeshadow girls! Lauren and Lydia are great, but I think I like the one in blue better. They are both sent to choreography and after a fake out from Nigel, they are both through. What is it with the siblings this year?

Eppy two! I think I was a little more excited about the people we saw last week, particularly Brandon. At this point I’m kind of feeling “seen one amazing ponche, seen ‘em all”. We’ll see what tonight holds!