Jumped the Couch: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #10

Week Three of the good stuff! So I think you can tell a lot about what’s to come, based on the hairdos the women are rockin’ during the introduction. This week’s offerings are particularly promising: Jeanette is channeling 1986 Cher, Jeanine has some 50’s look going on; I don’t know what Caitlyn’s deal is, but she’s wearing a pleather fringe dickey. SPEAKing of fringe, today I was informed that Mary’s infamous leather fringe vest is actually in style right now. I refused to believe it. I ran home to pore over my latest issue of Vogue, and saw no such evidence. But then the Post said that not only is the cowboy look en vogue, but that horrible grunge look from the 90’s has risen up like Lazarus . Dear lord, is the Armageddon coming??? These looks are NOT attractive!

Our guest judge tonight is Toni Basil. She’s attached a hat to one half of her head that is half beret, half Chinese hat. At Cat’s urging, she divulges her big news: She is receiving a”Living Legend of Hip Hop” award, along with someone named Boogaloo Sam and MC Hammer. Apparently they all helped promote American street dance in the 70’s and 80’s. Um…y’all, she’s the one who sang “Oh Mickey”. And I think she may have also choreographed the cheerleading moves in that video. Nothing says gritty street like Oh Mickey! She reminds me of my ballet teacher when I was in kindergarten. If only she were wearing a turban, jelly shoes, and chain smoking…

This week, couples will reveal what they would do with their lives if they weren’t dancing. Their stories better be long! If they keep up this two hour format, we’re going to have to get much more substantial filler to take up air time. Karla would be a journalist; she majored in it at NYU. You know, she does seem really articulate; I could see that. Jonathan would be in Cirque de Soleil. Not really much of a stretch there, Jonathan. Today they are doing a Dave Scott hip hop routine. Dave Scott’s goatee freaks me out; it’s too flat and wide or something. Karla should nail this because she’s in that hip hop crew. They perform and… they aren’t together at all. Oh no. Are they supposed to be synchronized? I can’t even tell. She is doing pretty well, but he is awful. Whoa, until he does this back flip where he kicks mid air. Nigel, usually constructive in his criticism, somewhat angrily calls it a “Sunday School picnic outing”—whatever that means-- and declares that they will be in the bottom three. He goes on and on and seems pretty irritated, for whatever reason. He’s making Karla and Jonathan cry! Cat says “Nigel’s getting all gangster on us” and wonders aloud if he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Apparently swapping out natty suits for faux “members only” jackets has put him in a bad mood? Toni tells them that they need a ghetto grove. It is really hard to take her seriously with that hat! I wish she would demonstrate what she means by “ghetto groove”, because that would be good entertainment.

Oscar and Vitolio are dancing a Mandy Moore routine. Previews show Oscar wearing the world's ugliest costume ever—some sort of lace body stocking with an electric blue bra, and bright pink lipstick. Ooooh I want to guess the song. I’m thinking Bangles or Cyndi Lauper. Oscar’s alternate career would be making jewelry for ballroom dancers. Vitolio would be a singer in a band. He demonstrates his talents in a huge wig and costume and I think he’s missed his calling!!! Mandy has choreographed “thrash rocker jazz”. Oh dear me. Rehearsal footage shows Oscar having a breakdown and Vitolio is soooo sweet when he cheers her up!!! Cat cutely calls them “softies”. They dance to Pat Benetar (darn! I was wrong) and ooh I love the opening move! They perform well, the lifts are great, but the jumps are eh. Come on Vitolio! You have great jumps! You better be having one of those “diarrhea moments” you told us about; that’s your only good excuse. I found it entertaining. The judges critique: Nigel lets his rock star out and does a tongue wag. Eek. Mary says she likes it, but it didn’t take the roof off, and that she expected more. Oooh is Mary’s Botox wearing off? I’m seeing more facial expression. Toni advises that they don’t let technique get in the way of their emotions.

Melissa and Ade are doing a rumba. Oh I bet she will love this. Melissa would be a Pilates instructor. Ade would be a sound engineer. Melissa busts out the first half naked costume of the year. They perform, and it is steam-MAY! Ugh…Nigel goes on and on about Melissa’s body parts. And then he busts out a “what a difference “Ade” makes’ pun. Somebody please take his meds away from him. Mary loved the dance. Toni is all hot and bothered!

Commercials: Did anyone watch Glee? It looks like the best show ever.

My hubby misses contestants who can dance on their head. Don’t we all…

Brandon and Jeanette are up next. Brandon would be lighting and design person. He likes to make the stage “sparkly”. Oh man, Brandon, PLEASE don’t let weirdly slightly homophobic Nigel hear you say that. Jeanette would be a loan processor; she’s a year away from getting her finance degree. She says it sounds boring, but it’s interesting. I totally know where she’s coming from! They are also doing a Dave Scott routine. It’s rock vs. hip hop. It looks really good in rehearsal, and they seem confident. I think it will be good. She looks ferosh!!!! I love it. The dance has energy and really interesting choreography that they both perform well. Nigel calls it “Jr. 50 cent and Cher” and that’s actually the perfect description of their costumes. He liked it. Mary said they really hit that, yes they did! Toni drones on and on. I feel like there is a lot of potential for some crazy in Toni, and I would like to see that unleashed.

Kupono and Kayla have drawn the Viennese waltz. Kayla says she would model if she weren’t a dancer; actual shots of her modeling show real promise. Kupono would do costume design (please dear god let dancing work out so that’s not unleashed on this world. Amen). Jean Marc and France are the choreographers. YAY! I love me a Jean Marc waltz. Rehearsal shows Kupono really struggling with lifting Kayla. Really, producers, we know he’s not going to throw her to the ground during the performance. I think the actual performance is all kinds of lovely. Nigel calls it beautiful and elegant, but not a dance to make anyone stand up and cheer. Someone in the audience goes “yeah it will” and everyone starts to cheer. Way to go, Kayla’s exuberant grandma! Mary puts them on the hot tamale train. I didn’t see that coming! Toni notes that Kayla doesn’t let her technique get in the way of her reality. She needs to find a new line.

Randi and Evan are dancing a Mia Michaels routine. Randi is getting a degree in special ed. Oh, she seems like she would make a great teacher, no? Evan would own a custom car shop. Mia has choreographed a dance around Randi’s…booty. Evan is supposed to be mesmerized by it. My hubby asks me “Becca, would you like to do this dance?” Why yes, me and my juicy would!!! Mia complains that right now, in rehearsal, the dance just looks cliché. Oooh y’all better not make Mia angry!!! They perform, and it’s very Mia, and I really like it—very interesting. Cat calls it cheeky. Nigel notes this is simple, BUT it’s beautiful. He proceeds to beat the “BUT” joke into the ground. What the hell kind of glasses is Mia wearing?? Mary yells that they were terrific. I tune Toni out.

Caitlyn and Jason are doing a Paso Doble. Ohh this is always the dancer’s waterloo. Caitlyn would like to do broadcast journalism. I can see her being a newscaster in a mid market. Jason would play soccer. Rehearsal footage proves to be the most entertaining part of the show since Nigel threw the hissy fit at Karla and Jonathan. Jean Marc, with his cute accent, directs Jason: “You say “oooh, I love her…” NO!! NO!!! YOU HATE HER AHRRRR!!!!” More histrionics from Jean Marc. I could watch two hours of just this! They are dancing to O Fortuna, and opening is pretty magnificent. I can see them doing this better than most contestants who draw the Paso Doble…and, yeah, I think it was good. Not fantastic, but entertaining. Nigel said it was good, Mary said it was a really strong performance. She gives critiques specific to the style of dance, and that’s what I like so much about these judges—they REALLY know their stuff. Toni likes that even if they struggled with technique, but they performed all the way through. Her insight is basically worthless.

Our last couple is Jeanine and Philip. Philip would be an inventor. With that Engineering and Physics double major, I think he’ll have a chance to do that. Jeanine would be an actress. They are doing a Tasty Oreo routine; yay! Rehearsal, and oh goodness—Tasty is making Phillip jump over a couch the long way. Holy crap! He gets it in rehearsal, and for once I am actually worried that they won’t be able to pull this off during the performance. They perform, and I think it’s super cute. They are dancing to a song from Singing in the Rain, and it’s very 50’s and stylized and just cute. They have a pillow fight-ish, and Jeanine appears to be choking on feathers at one point. Hazards of the profession, Jeanine. Nigel makes Philip show off the split in his pants, and Jeanine pulls it so you can see his tighty whities. Poor Philip! Getting kicked in the nether regions last week, and now this? Nigel tells Philip he’s going to have to grow even more as a dancer. Mary says she’s allergic to feathers, but not to that dance! Toni said she thought it was adorable, but she doesn’t think that’s a great compliment, because it should have been danced better. Whatevs.

So my bottom three prediction: Karla and Jonathan, because otherwise Nigel would incite riots. Next I think Caitlyn and Jason, and…I don’t know…Jeanine and Philip? Hard to tell!! Thoughts?