Honey, I KNOW I can dance

You've got to be amazing every time, and if you're not, you gotta GO: SYTYCD 6_8

2009-10-15T19:46:00.004-04:00

We’re back in Vegas tonight, where the original group of 152 dancers has been whittled down to 77. In just two days!

The judges aren’t messing around this time. The remaining contestants will learn a jazz routine by Laurieann Gibson, who bursts onto our screen screaming “ five, six…. and EEEAAAAIIIIGHT!!!” She is not wearing her signature giant headphones tonight, and this accessory oversight has apparently made her grumpy, because she spends the next hour hollering at the contestants. You know that little saying “there is no such thing as a stupid question?” Laurieann wholeheartedly disagrees. When one contestant dares to ask her what their opening position should be—something I would think the dancers would need to know—she replies with “I know you can’t believe you got here, but there are people waiting in the wings! ACT LIKE THAT! The AUDACITY of you to ask me such a RIDICULOUS question!!! NOW DANCE!” Y’all, that is so going to be my standard response whenever anyone asks me a question for the next six months, through and including the NOW DANCE part. I’m sure that will go over well at work. During one rant, ballroom superstar Iveta notes, “It’s like I’m back in Russia!”

More screaming and scared dancers, and now it’s audition time. The husband and wife team of Karen and Matthew are split up for this round. Karen is safe, but Matthew totally botches his audition. Nigel says he wanted more fire from him as a Latin dancer, and he’s out. I don’t think lack of fire was his problem, I think it was not performing the dance AT ALL. Anyway, jazz is not going well. At one point, Nigel stops an entire group and yells at all of them, telling them to do it again, and do it better. Iveta and the same sex ballroom dancer William get cut this round. Is anyone I know even left?Oh, I suppose so. Our last group contains early favorites Molly Gray (High School Musical) Billy Bell (brilliant dancer, broken nose), and krumper Russell who is a god. During their audition, Adam notes to Debbie, who appears to be bored and picking at her fingernails, that Molly and Billy look like children (they so do!), but they are so good. Nigel notes to Molly that she has to start dancing like a woman, and not like a little girl—that’s why they have 18 year olds on the show; not 16. What the heck does that mean? Is she supposed to start working a pole? He asks Russell what other training he’s had. Russell says he just takes whatever comes at him; he just dances. Nigel clarifies “so you’ve had no formal training whatsoever”, and Russell says no. Adam interjects that doesn’t seem possible, and I totally agree with that. I call BS. Russell seems a little shaken by this inquisition, but Nigel tells him “You’re doing SO well; keep up the good work”, and Adam concurs. All of the dancers in this round are safe.

But oh, dramarama! Molly has injured her foot. She tries to shake it off, and tells Cat that she doesn’t want the judges to know. But the pain grows worse, and we cut to commercial as she’s being toted off to the hospital.

Later that night, Cat tells the dancers that they are being broken up into groups, and they have all night to choreograph a dance. Oh man. I HATE this part of the audition. It’s rarely good; it’s all drama…ugh. Fortunately, we are spared most of that! We’re only subjected to a very small amount of drama before we go straight to seeing what the dancers produced. What the heck. Are they going to follow up on the Molly thing?

Anyway. First up are Russell and four contemporary dancers. They’ve randomly selected a Broadway routine. Footage of the previous night shows that they were done choreographing and rehearsing in about an hour. Nice! Tyce ooohs and aaahs the entire time that they perform, so you know they are probably safe. And they are! Montage of groups; at one point, Debbie calls something “dreadful, and uncomfortable to watch” and yes, it was as harsh then as it sounds now.

The last group of the to perform contains Molly, and we finally learn what happened the night before. Molly was carted off to the hospital, and her group left to fend for themselves. After deliberating about how to proceed, the group decides to choreograph without Molly, and plan a chair based dance for her should she return. Really, since they had no idea if she was coming back, and they knew she was injured, this seems smart. Mollie comes back two hours into rehearsal with a report that she has a really bad sprain. They try to accommodate her ankle in the dance, and of course she hates that, and worries that the judges will hate it. Maybe? They perform, and it seems to be a dance about…a girl who has a sprained ankle? Given the situation, I think it’s fine. Mia disagrees with me, and declares, “As a whole package, I just thought it was stupid; I thought it was dumb.” Nigel says he felt like they hid behind their characters. But they are all through anyway.

Now we’re back with the dreaded Mia round. We see footage of her yelling at the dancers last year, shouting such gems as "You know me, I’m a cutter, and I will cut you” while scary music plays in the background. But instead of hollering, Mia starts out by telling everyone not to be scared, and next thing we know we’re going all Namaste. I give this fifteen minutes, tops, before the yellin starts. Oh but I’m wrong! There’s a lot of hugging going on. What the heck?!

They perform the Mia routine. First up is Kevin from Boston, who made it to the last day of Vegas last season before getting cut. The judges coo over him during the audition; afterward, Tyce calls him brilliant. Russell, Billy Bell, and Molly all do well. Last up is Legacy the hip-hop dancer, who barely made it through last week. He gets all emotional during the rehearsal. And now he’s crying after performing, saying that this dance changed something inside of him, and that his movement meant something to him. OOoh, way to go Legacy! Mia has got to LOVE that! And she does; he survives this round. Wow, this guy turns on the waterworks. I’m one big ball of hormones and I don’t even cry this much! But apparently the tears are contagious, because EVERYONE is crying after this round—crying on the phone to their momma, crying all over each other…what the heck is going on? I gots to take me a Mia Michaels master class so I can experience this for myself.

We’re back for the final round of choreography, which will be a Tyce Broadway piece. We meet Pauline again, who also made it through to the final day in Vegas last year. She’s performing with someone who I’m going to bet right now is Joey Dowling’s sister; there is no way she’s not. But Pauline falls during the final leap, and her ankle is crazy swollen.

As she rests, we see the other girls perform. Oh Ellenore! She’s soooo good. Ashley, of another husband and wife pair, makes it through with the judges telling her that she’s grown the most out of all the dancers.

Pauline is back from the hospital with news of a sprain. She's rocking the crutches, and has been told not to dance on it for two days. Unlike Molly, she appears to be interested in heeding the advice of the doctors.

Boys round. Ryan of Ryan and Ashley is through too, and not just because he has crazy washboard abs. They judges love love love all of the contestants…until they get to Dominic. Dominic gets cut, and proceeds to break down like nobody has broken down before. We are talking collapse to the floor in heaving sobs type of hysterics. Nigel looks appalled, and yells at him for breaking down like that.

We close the night with the final solos. Billy Bell is first, and good lord, he’s amazing. Adam starts sobbing during his solo, and Tyce repeatedly whoos. So even though they aren’t getting critiqued, um…you kind of know. Montage, it’s amazing, judges are crying and throwing things, they are so happy. This season is just going to own last one. I can’t wait! Now I have to ponder my top 20 predictions.

Your Cha-Cha Stinks! So You Think You Can Dance 6_7

2009-10-08T15:34:00.001-04:00

This. Is. Vegas week! The 152 contestants roll out of SUVs, whooping and yelling “Vegas, Baby!” How trite. It makes me miss Vitolio, who wasn’t shy about letting us all know that this is a “diarrhea moment”. Vitolio kept it real! Nigel’s hair is much shorter and hipper. Lookin’ good, Nigel!

Each contestant performs a solo to remind the judges that A. They are great dancers and deserve to be here or B. Mary was still drunk during the New Orleans auditions, and she let anyone who could walk in a straight line through. First up is that Nathan guy from the season five auditions —he was too young to participate that season, but Nigel gave him a ticket to Vegas for season six. Cat tries to build the “can he still cut it” suspense, but about four counts into the music he puts that question to rest by busting out some octuple pirouette. The rest of the dance is a bit odd—he spends about eight counts just twirling his finger in a circle. But the judges seem to get it, and he’s safe.

BTW I didn’t recap the auditions (I have a decent excuse!), but one of my favorite moments was Mary’s list of things not to do, which included that God awful “Reach to nowhere” move. THANK YOU! They should have bouncers in the wings to throw out any contestant who dares incorporate The Reach. I would be happy to volunteer my services.

Ellenore (whose name my spell check keeps trying to correct to Eeyore) does a cute and funny routine that manages to show off her personality and excellent classic training. Debbie Allen proclaims her love multiple times, Tyce wants her in the top 20, and the judges give her a standing ovation. She is so through to the top 20. Calling it now.

Montage. Great turns, girls writhing, Nigel looking letch, someone spinning on his head. More montaging that starts out with Debbie swearing, but morphs into pretty much the best stuff I’ve ever seen. The New Orleans bounce guy is back looking better than ever, inspiring all of the judges to bounce along with him, and prompting me to bounce along at home. It’s really contagious, y’all!

Folks get cut; including two of our hard luck story kids: Allison, who is hearing impaired, and that Thomas guy from GA who lived in some drug riddled town or something. I don’t recognize most of the people who got cut this round, except for Caitlyn Kenny’s sister.

The remaining 111 people have an hour to learn a NappyTabs piece. New Orleans bounce looks crazy relieved to hear that hip hop is first. Teddy with the crazy pants during the auditions makes it through. Next up is Ryan (Evan’s brother), and GAH! We’re subjected to his whole story AGAIN!!!!! Holy crap. I really hope he gets cut just so I don’t have to hear this story rehashed every single week. His group performs, and…wow. Looks like this might be my lucky day, because boy is he botching this! He’s a half a count off, and…I’m not sure he’s even doing the same dance as the rest of the dancers. Wow. This is bad! Nigel calls him out for stinkin’ up the joint with his terrible dancing, and says they are giving him one more chance, but he better step it up quickly.

Day two! Louis van Amstel has put together a super fast cha-cha routine. The krumper (sp?) from Boston has the good fortune to get paired with a ballroom superstar, and looks fantastic during his audition. I like the versatile ones! Some guy gets a crazy bloody nose—seriously, I almost fainted from the sight of it (this is why I’m not a doctor, and why I don’t watch horror movies). In general, ballroom looks like it’s going really well, other than the busted beak.

Some people I don’t really remember are asked to dance for their life. The busted nose kid performs and goes through; even without having a chance to really rehearse. Good for him! Ryan is in the last group of the day. Since this is now apparently the Ryan show, we see about eighteen minutes of his rehearsal and performance. I don’t know much about the cha-cha, but I know terrible when I see it…and this is terrible. You know how the Paso Doble is supposed to be all aggressive and mean and macho? That’s exactly how he’s dancing, and it looks really out of place. Maybe he got confused about the style? Anyway, the judges look all kinds of upset. Nigel gives a pretty long explanation that he wasn’t great yesterday, and that he wasn’t great today, and he’s going home. He calls Evan on speaker phone to let him know that he got cut, and waxes poetic about how some things aren’t meant to be, etc, and you can’t take things for granted. I think he’s pretty surprised—I get the feeling that he thought he was a shoo in for this season’s top 20.

Dances for life! First up is John from New Orleans. Nigel complains that “the lights were on, but nobody was home”, and that he needs more personality. Debbie says something like “I just can’t see keeping you when there are so many other better dancers here”, but something about the way she says it makes it sound a lot less harsh than it was. One of my old dance teachers (hi Shirley!) had an absolute gift for this; she would give you feedback, and it wasn’t until you were repeating it to your friends that you realized she basically told you that you were the suckiest suck who ever sucked. Legacy the b-boy is freaking out before his dance for his life. He’s crying all over the place. Man up, Legacy! He does a respectable job of his solo. Nigel says that his cha-cha stinks (that’s what she said!), and he needs to bring his game up. Mia calls him an asshole, because what he does is amazing, but he sucks so much? Okay Mia. He gets all yeses and is through to the next round.

More cuts post ballroom: Teddy gets cut, as does New Orleans, and basically anyone I recognized from the auditions. Bummer!

Next week: more Vegas, more crying, more people leaving in ambulances. (Should that be ambuli? What an awkward plural!) Other than Ellenore, and that High School Musical girl, I really have no favorites thus far. Thoughts?

Season Six is Heee-re! HELLO-oooo!

2009-09-10T11:37:00.000-04:00

Welcome back to So You Think You Can Dance! Today’s auditions are in LA, and our guest judge is Adam, heart! Cat notes that the bar is set super duper high, and right as she says “the judges are looking for near perfection”, they zoom in on this girl’s giant chest. Sigh. Yes, exactly.

This season starts off just the way I like it—with a crazy. First up is Cole. As Nigel says “Cue Music”, Cole begins move—I wouldn’t really call it dance—before the music starts. A confused Nigel again calls “Cue…” until he realizes this is THAT kind of a performance. Cole runs around the stage reaching and searching and shouting word. The judges try to cover their smirks and shake with contained laughter. I’ve got to be honest; you put this dance to The Fray’s “You Found Me” and you have a version of most of the solos performed last season. Nigel commends him for trying something different, and says it was very “off off Broadway”; Adam snarks “Yeah, like Cleveland off”. It’s a no for Cole

Up next is Mollee. Mollee was a dancer in High School Musicals 1, 2 and 3. We get our first hard luck story of the season; this one about how her mom has made all these sacrifices for her, etc. Sigh. Maybe I needed more time in between seasons to get over my annoyance about the “So you think you can have a tragic life and still dance” tone the auditions always take. Mollee is really good, and she’s adorable. During her audition, Adam comments “she is SO this show”. BTW, I wish I could listen to Adam commentate on every aspect of life. That’s kind of why I followed him on Twitter; unfortunately, all he tweets about is how much he loves Miley Cyrus. Anyway, I will bet here and now that Mollee makes the top 20.

We briefly see David and Amanda (I totally remember her from last season!) and Brandon (not that Brandon) perform, receive accolades, and get put through to Vegas.

And back for more this year is Ryan, Evan’s brother. Whatevs, we already know his story and we know he gets to Vegas. I will say right now I don’t think he’ll make the top 20.

Bianca/Fantasia told us that she wouldn’t be back this season. She lied!

Now Ryan does the same thing the first crazy did; he doesn’t dance to music, but speaks in rhyme. He’s a tap dancer, though, so I suppose this makes sense? Now I’m bored; we already saw this audition last season. Adam gives him a standing ovation, says it was the most special and unique performance, and calls it the best audition he’s ever seen on the show. Um, it was good and all, but I don’t know about that.

Biancasia is prodded by the judges to have a tap battle or trade or whatever the kids call it these days. She and Ryan go at it, and it’s great. So…if they put her through to Vegas, they have to let her in the top 20. It’s just getting cruel at this point. She’s been in the top 32 about eight thousand times now.

Oooh, here comes a crazy. Christopher Aguilar tells us he wants to produce a film caused Drum Song? Dancing poorly but enthusiastically to a medley of songs from Chicago, he does manage to inspire the judges to display their best jazz hands. He tells the judges that he wants to make the main characters in Chicago men and see how that changes it. Uh…kind of completely, no? Adam is not a fan of this idea, and I have no idea how a movie about making Roxie and Thelma men has anything to do with a “Drum Song”…I think I must be missing something. And someone needs to tell Christopher Aguilar that crack is whack.

More people make it through to Vegas. Hmm. I wonder if Natalie will be back this year?

We’re back with Amber, sharing the story about how her mom got paralyzed. My husband notes “At least this story has a point. I hate those ones where they are like “My mom got in an accident, and she got a scratch…she’s okay now, but …she was bleeding pretty good for a day.” Her momma tells us watching Amber dance gives her joy. Honey, before you take one step, I will pronounce: Vegas for Amber! The judges give her great feedback; Amber’s momma cries. And while Beyonce’s “Halo” swells in the background, the judges tell her she’s through to Vegas. Good lord, they are laying it on THICK tonight.

Montage of contemporary female dancers, all of whom seem way better than Jeanine. I liked her just fine, but I’m still in shock that she won.

Christina brings her dance coach to perform a salsa routine with her. He’s not auditioning. She’s good, but she’s no Janette. However, the judges adore her. Nigel asks Pepe (the dance coach) why he’s not auditioning; he replies that he doesn’t have the training Christina does, and Nigel tells him that he’s “bloody good”. Take a hint, Pepe, and get yourself on this show! Christina makes it through to Vegas. She clearly got the memo that you HAVE to have a hard luck story, so she makes sure we know her ticket to Vegas is for her “Daddy up in heaven”.

Clips of the bad dancers. To be honest, they aren’t THAT bad. The one kind of overweight guy pulled off a double pirouette.

Philip, another tapper, is here. Apparently he and Ryan were roommates while on tour for “Fosse”. Wow. These people are not joking around. They’re already professionals! Cat digs for dirt on Ryan; asking if he has stinky feet, etc., and now we all know that Ryan has a smiley face on his buttocks. Things I didn’t need to know.

We see none of the choreography round. With six weeks of audition shows, that’s okay. And Mia is our guest judge next week! Let the claws be unsheathed!

She's the One: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #23

2009-08-12T11:12:00.001-04:00

I’ll start with a confession—I’ve been reluctant to post this, because I’m really going to miss our weekly SYTYCD discussion, and I don’t want it to end! But after long last, here it is.

Our top 20 open the show with a reprisal of Tyce’s “Brand New Day” routine. I’ve already forgotten who half of these people are! I was in The Wiz in 9th grade, and to this day, I feel compelled to grapevine and wave my arms to and fro when I hear this song. This is great and all, but I still think our version of The Wiz would kick this version’s butt stage left, right, and center. You heard me. Go Bulldogs!

Cat greets us, and informs us that there were 21.6 million votes. Tonight’s winner will win $250K, and the cover of dance magazine. No contract for a role in the next Step It Up movie, then? Bummer.

Tonight we have Lil’ C, a 50’s glam Mia, Tyce snapping it up, lovely and perfect Debbie Allen, debonair Adam, Mary rocking pigtails and a gaudy as hell necklace, and of course Nigel.

Our flashback of the auditions starts out with…Sex. Lord, let it end with him. Once again we see the whole naughty ballerina thing, Vitolio grabbing his crotch as he runs out with his ticket to Vegas, and Mary crying over Brandon’s solo. They also show the judges fight over Brandon, Ryan vs. Evan, and Natalie not getting through. I wonder if she’ll try out again. Oh I forgot about Miss Washington. She actually made the show, didn’t she?! Flashes of the dances this season, and when we see a crying Mia say “I wish I had the strength that you had for my Daddy” I lose my you know what and start bawling. Again! God.

Super long review of last night’s show. If there were an Emmy award for the show most capable of filling time with pointless footage, SYTYCD would surely be in the running. That whole Brandon Kayla dance was so good, but so strange. Is Brandon about to get an autopsy? Was Kayla supposed to be some sort of dominatrix mortician? Let me tell you, this is EXACTLY the type of funeral home I want to go to when the good Lord calls me home. They pretty much show the whole show again, so if you missed last night’s show, really—you’re no longer behind.

The judges introduce their favorite routines of the season. Oooh I want to guess! I think we’ll see the Cancer dance, the Addiction dance, the comic book cartoonish Wade routine with Brandon and Janette, B&J’s disco, and Kayla and Max’s samba. The first one up is the NappyTabs routine that Philip and Jeanine performed the first week. Wow, I don’t remember this AT ALL. OH now I remember this. Kind of. It’s sort of snore? Eh…I was less than impressed with the quality of the routines this season, so whatevs. You know, the top four had to perform five new routines last night, I hope they had a few weeks to rehearse these, and didn’t have to cram it all in this week. Anyway, the dance is good! I kind of think they pick these to highlight the people going on tour; maybe this was the only decent routine Philip had?

Oh YAY our next routine is the tango that Brandon and Janette did! I LOVED this! I swear, Janette’s legs are like a pair of Wusthof knives. It’s still amazing. I miss Janette, and now I’m all bitter again that she didn’t make the final four.

The charming and lovely Debbie Allen tells us her favorite dance of the season was the Louis van Amstel waltz with Asuka and Vitolio. Huh. Well, if Debbie says it’s her favorite dance, it must be the best! Oh, and this WAS great! It still has that floatingish quality that it did before. Holy crap though; Vitolio practically throws Oscar right off the damn stage at the end. Yikes!

Mary says one of her favorite numbers was Jeanine and Jason’s necklace dance. Much talk about the kiss. It’s still great and they kiss like they mean it; it garners a standing ovation from the judges and a thrilled Travis Wall.

Mia’s favorite routine of the season—besides her own, I’m sure-- is Max’s and Kayla’s samba from the very first show. FINALLY someone picks one of my favorites. Mia’s eyeshadow matches Kayla’s dress! I have to say, tonight, this dance lacks the spark that it had during the first show—it just seems like they’re going through the motions.

The top four dancers meet up with Kerrington to view the remake of Fame, which comes out this fall. Debbie Allen tells us that the time is right now, and she’s happy to bring the brand back to life. Well, tonight is just turning into a trip down my musical theater participation’s memory lane! But my main memory from Fame is being run over by a piece of scenery. Oh and that crazy dance I had to do with Sean Dugan, who went on to appear in Oz on HBO. Anywho… I swear, if Debbie Allen started a religion, I would chuck the Catholic Church and join that congregation in about a nanosecond. Ha, when discussing the movie, Debbie totally forgets the director’s name. I’m sure he appreciated that. She gives us that iconic “If you want fame, it costs. And you start paying here, in sweat” speech that she delivered in the original Fame. Preach the gospel, Debbie! Oh and she gets to bring another dance back, so she picks Calle Ocho. I didn’t know we could bring group routines back! Once again, it’s steamy and fun.

Nigel tells us that he got invited down to Australia to choose their top 20 dancers. Their winner is with us tonight to perform a solo choreographed by Sonya. She dances to a song that I think we heard on the Kill Bill soundtrack—that “bang bang I shot him down song”. It’s actually really hard to see the dancer, because of the distracting moving graphics in the background.

Lil’ C tells us if he has to pick a favorite routine, it will be Jai Ho all day. I have to say that after this show aired, I downloaded this song, because I loved the dance as well. Except I accidently got the Pussycat Dolls version, and it might have been the best mistake I ever made, because it is fan freaking tastic. I think I may “accidently” purchase the entire PCD catalogue now. This reminds me, I have to sign up for those Bollywood dance classes. Oh, there is more kissing in this routine. Wow, that Jason is a little man whore!

The top four FINALLY come out. Jesus, it’s been an hour!!! Judging by Evan’s costume, we’re going to see the butt dance soon. We’re going to learn who is in fourth place, and you can tell Evan is just ready for it. And the 4th is…Kayla. Huh. I read a review by someone who was in the audience of the performance show, and apparently Kayla’s family was really upset by Nigel’s “you have no personality” comments. Kayla tells us she’ll remember working with Mia, and she will miss everyone. Well, you’re not going to miss them too much, because this is the finale, and they are going on tour, so…there’s that. No need to mourn and cry in your pillow.

With a saucy “I’m a butt man!” confession, Adam chooses the butt dance. HEH. Oh, is Randi wearing Louboutins? Anyway this dance is just odd, like it was back then. I’m glad Evan got to perform his favorite dance, though.

Mary introduces the Paso Doble from last night. Huff. We JUST saw this one!

Evan comes back out, and we learn that the dancer in third place is…Evan. He looks totally prepared for this. The judges all look really relieved. Cat’s wrap dress looks SO comfortable. Evan tells us that everyone chanting his name last night was amazing. He thanks his friends and family, and says—genuinely, I believe—that he never thought he would make it this far. Well, that makes a lot of us, I think. Sonya appears to be in the aisle for some reason. Was she kowtowing or something? Evan fights back tears.

Nigel tells us one of his favorite moments was the night Mary admitted to using Botox; prompting Mary to shriek “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?! THIS night was going perfect; it was classy, it was everything I ever dreamed!!!” Mary, you KNOW it had to come up at some point. On a serious note, he picks the addiction dance. Oh, good, this was incredible. I love that moment where Kayla reaches up, and Kupono forces her back down. Kupono looks absolutely diabolical. Where was that strength during his other dances!!! Mia is in tears afterward...is it okay to cry over your own dance?

Back by popular demand is the Rage Boys crew. Still cute.

Tyce introduces the Doriana’s routine for Brandon and Janette. LOVED THIS! Great then, great now. I think that life where Brandon holds Janette in the splits over his head was one of the great moments on this show.

Our last dance of the night is the cancer dance, of course. Mia introduces it, saying that it broke her down in front of millions of people, and it also broke millions of people down. Tyce tells us that the friend for whom he choreographed this dance called him today, and told him she is cancer free. Oh, I love happy endings! I swear not four counts of music pass before my tears start a-wellin up. Oh Lance Bass is in the audience. What on earth has he been up to?

Before the break, we see that dance to “One” from a chorus line that does NOT have kicks. Oh but then the judges come out!! FUN! What I love the most are the looks of pure joy and happiness on the judges faces. They really look like there is no place on earth they would rather be. The screaming and standing ovation go on and on. I clap along at home.

And now, we’ll finally learn who the winner is!! We see their journey. Nigel says he thought these two would be standing there, and he already knows the winner, and he thinks it’s deserved. That is just BS; I think he should have to wait, like the rest of us! And our favorite dancer is…Jeanine! I’m okay with his; I wanted Brandon, but she’s great. She cutely says she never thought she would be giving an acceptance speech on the Kodak, but thanks the Academy.

And I thank YOU, dear readers, for SUCH a fun season. I cannot tell you how much I’ve loved hearing from everyone. See you all September 9th!!

Hey! Who's that, thinkin' nasty thoughts? So You Think You Can Dance Episode #22

2009-08-06T11:30:00.001-04:00

The last performance night…I can’t believe it’s really the end! Seriously, next season—finale party. Tonight we’re getting all fancy in the ginormous Kodak Theater—home of American Idol and the Oscars—which is fun on one hand, and quite a challenge for the dancers on the other. How on earth are their solos not going to get lost on that huge stage? Cat reports getting chills as she walks out on the stage to the screams of 3000 fans, and marvels at the new location and set. As the top four run out for their mini solos, I pat myself on the back for picking three of these contestants as my top five at the beginning of the season. Of course I had Jeanine on my “who are these people, they will never make it list”, and my top five had one contestant that got booted the first week, so…prognosticator extraordinaire, I am not.

Cat delights in 3000 people saying “jidges”in unison, and tells us Adam is back oh YAY!!!Love love love him! Adam says he thought some of tonight’s top four would be here back when they were in Vegas, and some he didn’t see coming at all. Mary says that dancers feed off energy, challenges the audience to bring that energy, and hollers until they are loud enough for her. Also, she looks BEAUTIFUL tonight.

The top four will dance together first, and will be performing a Wade AND AMANDA Robson dance. VERY interesting that it’s not just Wade anymore. Are they going to be like NappyTabs, or will she drag him down? The dance is about two jocks that start hitting on cheerleaders, and the cheerleaders turn out to be more than they can handle. Well OF COURSE they are. Jeanine says she doesn’t think many people were expecting to see cheerleading on SYTYCD, but it’s the finale, so think big. I’m assuming she means that people didn’t think they would be SO LUCKY. They perform, and …hmm. I wonder who is responsible for the” sniff the armpit” choreography? I don’t think that will win an Emmy. OOOH but I want the sequin bloomers the girls are rocking!! Y’all know I love me some cheering, but I did NOT think this was good. I can’t believe the same guy who choreographed Ramalama did this. Really?

Our first couple is Jeanine and Evan, performing a Sonya routine about a clingy guy and a girl who is just over him. Girl Power! Oh on a side note—I heard that Victoria Beckham might replace Paula on American Idol. How fantastic would that be?!?! We see footage of Jeanine and Sonya beating Evan up, kind of for reals. I’m finding the big stage and the graphics a little distracting from the dance. Adam gives them a half hearted “that was great, guys.” He admits that he never saw Jeanine coming, and she’s been great every week, and now he feels bad that he underestimated her. I’m glad I’m not the only one! He tells Evan that he NEVER saw him in the top four, but this season will never be the same without him. That doesn’t even make any sense. Mary says she thinks they delivered, but Jeanine stood out a little bit more, but Evan “held his own.” They say that EVERY week about Evan, and he’s somehow managed to hold his own to the finale. Nigel encourages Evan to step up and be responsible for his own destiny. He acknowledges that Evan is loved by the public—despite the judges practically begging the audience not to vote for him-- and says he has to step up and be worthy of that. He praises Jeanine’s growth. It’s kind of lukewarm praise, and I thought the dance was very eh. They seem more focused on pointing out that Jeanine is brilliant, and Evan isn’t worthy.

Tonight we see Cat’s interviews with the contestants before we watch their solos. Brandon conveys how much Mia’s approval means to him. He confesses that he didn’t think he would make the show. Okay, I call BS on that. Also, he misses Janette the most. You and me both, Brandon! He performs, and HOLY CRAP is his solo good!!! Adam declares that he is competing, wonders about the choice of board shorts (seriously!!! They were like jailbird board shorts; all black and white striped and whatever), said it was a tad frantic. Mary says he was amazing, he defies gravity, he was born to dance, and that it’s still a privilege and honor to watch him dance. She starts crying again, the same way she did all those many months ago when he first auditioned. Aww. Nigel says that he’s amazing, and that he just wiped out the opposition. Okay, we get that you want him to win, y’all. But you still have three more contestants to go!

Brandon and Kayla have a Tyce routine. I love it when he gets all Brooklyn; why didn’t he do more of that when he was a guest judge? The dance shows them off to their best advantage; it highlights Kayla’s extension, Brandon’s strength, their flawless technique, including pirouettes a la seconde perfectly in unison. Kayla’s grandparents are beaming afterward. BTW where has her mom been during all of this? Cat asks Adam what he thinks, and he who has been perfectly calm all night FINALLY does his thing and leaps out of his chair with excitement. He confesses that these two are the two he always saw in the finale. He calls it an honor to have Kayla on the show, and calls Brandon an animal. Mary hollers a bunch of other superlatives. Nigel praises their amazing ability and compliments Tyce’s great routine.

Jeanine’s solo is next. Jeanine admits when she was younger, she wasn’t a very good dancer, and her parents had to push her to keep going. She also says that Russian folk dancing was a low point, and confesses to having a panic attack when she realized that she was going to have to go onstage dressed like that. Her favorite dance thus far was Travis Wall’s piece. Oh! Cat mentions the “full smooch-o-rama-rooney” and Jeanine enthusiastically points out that was NOT choreographed! Well well well! Her solo is incredible. She dances to a tango, and has a flower in her mouth the whole time, which is a bit distracting. But she does this pirouette with about a bazillion rotations, and lands beautifully—it’s really stunning. Travis and this year’s contestants seemed thrilled for her. Adam is amazed by her turns, which—aren’t we all? He praises the risk she took, said she just killed it, and genuinely tells her he is so happy for her. But he does say “what the hell was that stupid plastic flower”, which, yeah. Mary says she saw her coming (whatevs), she gets better every week, she’s peaking at the right time, and that solo is the best thing that she’s done on the show. Nigel says it was a brave solo, and she pulled it out, and she’s in the final two as far as Nigel is concerned. Good for Jeanine!

Evan and Brandon have a Laurieann piece. Laurieann is wearing the same humongous pink headphones around her neck that she was sporting the last time she choreographed. I think I need an accessory like that. And she has some assistant wearing a shocking pink shirt who looks REALLY into whatever she’s doing—which appears to be just holding a cord, but I’m sure it’s much more than that? They dance to Janet Jackson’s “Nasty” in leather jackets, and appear to be fighting. I like how every season the routine for the top two guys is a fight. Evan doesn’t do as badly as I thought he would. The judges disagree with me; Adam says “Evan, you got dusted”. I know the judges don’t want him to win; but comments like that will only encourage his very large fan base…do they not realize that? Anywho, Evan takes the criticism gracefully. When Adam says Evan’s sweetness hindered him, he gets booed, and kind of panics, saying “Oh no! I’ve never been booed! Can you guys go back to liking me again?!” Mary giggles and asks Evan “What’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever done?” Goodness! Evan blushes, his family dies laughing, and Cat admonishes “Meeehreh, his GRAMS are in the audience! “ Oh and so are his brothers; Ryan is wearing a tux and looking sharp! Cat cajoles “the grams” into put their fingers in their ears, and then conspiratorially asks Evan again what the nastiest thing he’s ever done is. Brandon pipes up “I’m excited!!” as Evan considers his answer. Ahahaha… I bet you are, Brandon. Evan just says that’s a toughie; the list is so long. Nicely deflected, Evan! Mary admits Brandon was just a little bit better in this routine. Nigel says that if you speak to the choreographers, they will all say that Evan’s work ethic is beyond reproach; but there isn’t a nasty bone in his body. He also says that he has a choochie face--I have no idea what that means—and that he just can’t do “Nasty”. I feel his pain; I was practicing my stank face the other day, and apparently I can’t pull it off either. Anyway, Nigel goes on about how Brandon outdanced Evan. Okay y’all, we get it. Brandon=good. Evan=bad.

The girls are up next with a Mia routine. They are on a journey, and the dance involves shedding layers of their skirts as a sign of their progression. It’s interesting, but at the end Jeanine seems to have difficulty unsnapping her last skirt; it’s a big moment and she’s obviously late. Quite honestly, I felt like Kayla did a much better job; I barely noticed Jeanine in this piece. Adam said bringing a concept piece like that to the finale was risky, and that he loved it. Mary notes that they are the strongest two women they’ve ever had in the finale, and that it was very well matched. Nigel loves it, says something about how he wishes it went on longer, and everyone giggles, assuming he means he wanted them to keep shedding clothes. I give him a pass; I think this is the one time he didn’t mean it like THAT.

Evan talks about how hard it was when he and his brother realized that only one of them would be on the show; Ryan is his best friend, and the memory of the audition still chokes Evan up. Evan’s fave routine of the season was the butt routine. Interesting! I thought he would say Tyce’s “Get me to the church on time” routine. I guess Evan is a butt man? His solo is cute—same old same old. Adam says it’s interesting, because it was a variation on his audition piece, which will either make people crazy, or make them be like “I’ve seen this before”. Cat asks Mary if it did it for her, and she half heartedly goes “You know… I think it did, Cat. “Nigel says he was good, but he hasn’t grown as much as he had hoped on this show, and he doesn’t think it was a strong as Jeanine and Brandon’s solo. Cat asks the audience if they liked it and they go insane. She reminds everyone that no matter what the judges say, it all depends on our votes. You know the judges could just kill her for firing up his fan base like that.

Kayla and Evan have a Tony and Melanie jive routine. This should be good for Evan, since he’s had this style before. Oh, and Kayla has to do this in cowboy boots. I have to say Evan seems a lot tighter than he was the last time. Also, he is wearing those man heels again. That is NO good. Adam says that while he loves Tony and Melanie’s work, he doesn’t think that was a finale level routine. This prompts more booing, to which he replies “Two in one night! Score.” Hee. At least he’s honest; I thought the dance was very eh myself. He liked Evan in this, but didn’t think it was competitive. Mary said she thought the routine was phenomenal. She said she didn’t think Evan’s kicks were strong, and thought they were like two dancers just doing their own thing. She says Kayla just stole the show—I guess Kayla wasn’t part of those two dancers just doing their own thing? Nigel says he thought they both came out with guns blazing. The whole auditorium starts chanting EVAN! EVAN! prompting Evan to tear up. I don’t blame him; the judges have basically been like “YOU SUCK” all night long; he’s probably so happy to get good feedback. I totally didn’t think he should be in the top four, and even I’m feeling sorry for him! He asks where Kayla’s personality has been this whole season; and says that if it had been there this season like it is tonight, she would be riding clear to the final. I’m sure that made her feel good.

Kayla tells us that she wanted to dance since she was two. They talk about her emotional grandpa and how proud her grandparents of her; she seems a little embarrassed by it. She likes her white lightning nickname, and her favorite piece was Mia’s addiction piece. I hope they do that one again tomorrow, I LOVED it! She performs her solo, and I think it’s okay. It didn’t grab me. Adam said he thought the solo was fine, but he wants to talk about the season. He says that this show has shown him some of the best dancers he’s ever seen, including Travis, Will from last season, Danny, and our Kayla. Mary says that Kayla is gifted and she’s been touched by an angel. Nigel says what’s been difficult for her is that when they praise constantly, oftentimes the audience will assume someone is safe, or decide that they want to decide who the best is on their own, and won’t call for that person. He’s happy that she’s made it to the finale.

Our last performance is Jeanine and Brandon, doing a Louis van Amstel Paso Doble. Interesting they are ending the night with a Paso Doble; this one must be really good. Jeanine falls during rehearsal; shocker. Louis raves about them as a pair. They perform to a song from the Matrix soundtrack, and whew! This is a good Paso Doble! Very passionate and strong from both dancers. They get a standing ovation from everyone, including the judges. Adam says they shredded it. Mary screams, praises the choreography and the dancing, and then really lets her hollers rip. I suppose the shrieking needed a finale of its own? Nigel screams back at her, and says Brandon and Jeanine have edged the other two out for him.

We have a few more minutes to kill, so Cat puts the judges on the spot, and asks who they think will win the competition. Adam says that Evan sucks, but whatever, America seems to love him; Kayla is brilliant, and the other two are wonderful, and he can’t pick one. Cat asks Mary to be “more of a man” than Adam, and Mary says she can’t pick either. Nigel reiterates that he thinks it will be Brandon or Jeanine, but assures the audience that no matter what, we’re having a Kasprzak on Season 6—does that mean that Ryan made the top 20? I guess we’ll know in a month!

I think Jeanine will be our winner tonight. Thoughts?

Let's have some fun; this beat is sick: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #20

2009-08-05T09:34:00.001-04:00

“Tonight is the most important performance show of the competition” Cat informs us, and thus begins our top six performance night. I can’t believe next week is the finale! I’ll miss this, y’all!

Every week, there seems to be at least one outfit similar to either a bridesmaids dress or formal dress I’ve worn in my lifetime. I don’t know if I should be delighted or dismayed by these trips down my closet’s memory lane. Tonight Melissa sports a blue sequins top very similar to my senior prom dress that was also worn to at least six other fraternity or sorority formals—probably by some of you, dear readers!-- throughout my college career. We’re so green!

Lil’ C is back as our guest judge. Oh lord. Where the heck is Adam??? Why can’t we have Debbie Allen on repeat?!? It’s been a tough week; do I have the energy to translate his craziness? I shall try. When asked to “pontificate on the preference of the population” (Cat, don’t encourage it!) he responds with “I think the decisions have been appropriated(sic, I believe) by what the public prefers”. Sigh…I guess that’s close enough to correct English. Mary and Cat agree that Janette’s departure last week was a shock. Mary begs the audience not just to evaluate the dancers that week, but also to consider all of their performances, and vote accordingly. I think what she’s trying to say is “Look, Melissa should have been voted out last week, and just because she had the super sad cancer dance doesn’t mean you should have voted for her.” Nigel once again encourages the dancers to become “stars”, as nobody has yet to “pop” this season as they have in years past. I guess I would agree with that. BTW, Kerrington from last season is going to be in the remake of Fame coming out in the fall. Cannot wait!

The guy’s group dance is first, and they will be performing what looks like an amazing Sonya routine, if rehearsal is any indication. Sonya has quickly become one of my favorite choreographers. They nail it, and it’s fantastic, but I feel like Brandon and Ade are on such a different level from Evan in terms of being huge, powerful dancers. It’s sad that the best thought I have about Evan is “well, he held his own”. Lil C’ tells Ade that he’s still “proving it: for him, compliments Brandon for growing with each challenge, and tells Evan “good job not getting swallowed by the dominant excellence of Ade and Brandon, because of the style you represent.” Wow, that is such a backhanded compliment, but I have to agree with him. Mary declares that she “just loved it” and comments on the fact that the three of them can kick so high and do standing back flips at the same time is amazing. Nigel said that Evan actually stood out to him because he did so much that he’s never attempted before. Sonya seems delighted with the great feedback the dancers receive. Sonya and Mia are so similar in being thoroughly themselves as artists, but what I like about Sonya is she seems really supportive of her dancers, and makes it all about them, and with Mia, it’s all about her.

Jeanine and Ade are doing a Louis Samba. Oooh…didn’t he do the one with Max and Kayla the first week? That was one of my favorite dances of the season, and I still covet Kayla’s hot pink costume. Apparently this won’t be a “typical” samba…rehearsal shows lots of crotch in face, so oh my goodness. Also, how can anyone dance in three inch stilettos? I can barely walk down the hall without tumbling down when I sport that look. They perform, and it starts really sexy, but then just gets…messy. There’s one part where Ade is behind her, and it looks like he’s trying to wrestle her to the ground in slow motion. That can’t be right. . Mary judges first and says it looked “really novice”. I thought so too, and I know jack about samba-ing. Lil’ C said he expected an “explosion of excellence” and it fell short for him. Nigel said Jeanine did a wonderful job, but Ade needs to adjust his style to suit the dance.

Kayla performs a solo “You found me” by The Fray. I swear she’s like the twentieth contestant to use that song for her solo. Lots of legs and reaching and searching.

Melissa TELLS us she’s excited about being paired with Evan, but her face says “crap, I really don’t want to be stuck with Evan.” They have a Tyce Broadway piece, and Tyce comments that Evan is a dream for this style of dance. They’re performing to “Get me to the church on time”, in what I’m guessing is supposed to be wedding day underwear? Is Melissa supposed to be a stripper bride? I have to say, I’m a little disappointed. I thought Evan would be bigger, somehow. It’s cute, and it’s good, but it’s not incredible. Lil’ C chimes in and basically says the same thing—it was an “A” performance, but not an “A+”. Mary shrieks that this could be “get me to the finale on time!!!” How excited do you think she was to use that line, and how long do you think it took her to think of it? I swear, Evan and Melissa could have dropped to the ground and done the worm instead of performing the choreography, and she STILL would have hollered that line. Nigel tells us a lot of ballet dancers have tried out for season six, but none seem as adaptable as Melissa. He thinks the challenge of this dance was in the personality, and that they both did well.

Ade dances to “18th Floor Balcony”, which seems like a mandatory rite of passage for any contemporary dancer these days. He doesn’t include gymnastics, though. I don’t know if that’s wise…if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?

Kayla and Brandon are up next. Brandon says he hopes to get on the hot tamale train with Kayla. Isn’t he on the hot tamale train? They are dancing a Stacy Tookey piece about a mistress too weak to leave her lover. It’s an incredible piece that they both dance beautifully…I think this might be one of my favorite dances this season, and no, not just because Brandon is shirtless. Lil’ C says it was beyond intense, and beyond amazing. Mary notes that Brandon is so on the hot tamale train, and he’s still on it, and he’s riding first class. She tells Kayla she was perfection. Nigel praises Stacy, and notes that he wishes they had more time to cement their chemistry, but that their technique was brilliant.

Melissa shimmies around the stage. I wish she would let her pointe work be the star. So far it’s more like a contemporary dance that just happens to be en pointe.

Jeanine and Ade tell us what it would mean to them to make the top four. Shocker it would mean everything to them, etc. Can you believe that Ade is still sporting that pick in his hair during every interview? They have a NappyTabs routine about…being evicted from their apartment? Perhaps my favorite moment of the night is the clip of Tabitha, rocking a preppy argyle vest, saying “Daay-um! I just got kicked out! Of my apartment! ReCESSion!!!” (slams boxes in mock anger). For the next week, when I find things irritating, I fully intend to incorporate this language into my rants. “DAAAAY-UM! MY iPod battery is dead! ReCESSion!” Lots of footage of Jeanine falling frequently and hard during rehearsal. She goes on about how she doesn’t want to fall down on TV and COME ON nobody ever does, okay? You’ll get it. They perform. They walk around in a menacing fashion, only to come home to an eviction notice, which prompts them to play hop scotch and skid around the floor in the boxes? Honestly, that’s probably not the reaction a landlord is hoping for. Anywho, it’s very entertaining. Lil’ C says that they performed it even better than he thought they could, and punctuates his critique with “it was buck, it was buck, it was buck…” Somehow during Mary’s comments we learn that Nigel’s wife’s divorce attorney is really mean, and that Lil’ C has been evicted before. Beyond that, she loved the dance, and feels like neither one will be evicted tonight after that performance. Nigel agrees that it was a great dance, applauds Ade for taking a note and “getting down”, and praises Jeanine for stretching herself as a dancer.

Brandon gets all half nekkid and dances to “O Fortuna”. Honestly, I think this is the same solo he did to get on the show. That’s fine, because it was incredible, and even more so now. He is just the most amazing dancer…lord, I hope he goes to Alvin Ailey, where he belongs! Cat deadpans “very average; nothing special” as the judges give him a standing ovation, and the audience leaps to their feet screaming. Breaking with the tradition of not giving feedback after the solos, Nigel says that he’s just given us one of the best solos that we’ve ever seen on the show, which—yes yes y’all. And no, not just because he’s barely wearing any clothes!

Melissa and Evan are back with the kiss of death quickstep. Melissa notes that she doesn’t trust Evan as a partner, and she “certainly hopes that in three days, he’s strong enough not to drop me”. Yikes, and whatever, Melissa. People drop each other all the time on this show during rehearsal! Jeanine was just tumbling right out of Ade’s arms a few dances ago. I just noticed that Evan has no shoulders. He really doesn’t! It’s very odd. Look next time! I think they dance it well…it’s cute. Lil’ C notes that Evan danced bigger than he ever danced, but that his retractions were lazy. He notes that Melissa looks fabulous, and did a fabulous job. Mary praises Louis’ amazing routines tonight, but says she was disappointed with the dancing. Nigel mocks Melissa’s earlier lament about being the oldest dancer on the show; telling Melissa that she is to this show was Cloris Leachman was to “Dancing with the Stars.” For a second she looks truly horrified, until she realizes he’s kidding. He says that it wasn’t one of the best of the night, and says they have voters questioning who they will vote for tonight. Ouch. Truthfully, though, I think it’s time for both of them to go.

Jeanine does a saucy solo, which shows off great control during pirouettes, and lots of strength, while also entertaining.

Evan’s solo…lots of shrugging of non-existent shoulders; beautiful series of turns that end in a huge leap.

Kayla and Brandon are back with a Doriana Sanchez disco. Oooh, I loved the one Brandon did with Janette; I hope this one is as good! Rehearsal shows Brandon busting out some butt smacking move that I think I’m going to love. The cameras are extra zoomy during the performance, which annoys the bejeesus out of me, because this routine is fantastic, and I want to be able to see it! The lifts are just amazing, including one where Kayla is upside down, in the splits, over Brandon’s head. I must practice this move with my hubby. Lil’ C says “being out of your comfort zone represents unfameeererity, and it also represents darkness.” WTF? If there is one thing this piece was not, it was dark. He keeps going on about befriending parts of the challenge and seeing the music with your ears…I don’t know… I guess he liked it? And he’s STILL going on, yakking about how there is a pocket of music, and you have to get in between those instruments, and what the hell is he talking about. Somebody please bring cut him off! Mary hollers that they hit a home run. She tells us she agrees with something Lil’ C said…how that is even possible, I don’t know. Then she stands up and yells at Brandon, who earlier confessed to self esteem problems, saying that he’s great, and she carries on to the point that both Nigel and Lil’ C have to restrain her. Mary proclaims “I’M NOT CRAZY!!!” to which Cat calmly replies “You do have a little crazy in you, Mary, but we love it”. Nigel says “it’s easy to get everyone riled up with screaming and energetic routines, so let me be professional”, and proceeds to leap out of his chair, carrying on like a lunatic. I don’t know…I kind of think the judges want Brandon and Kayla in the finale, no? Cat begs Nigel to “take the tablets!!!’ Hee.

Our last routine of the night is the girl’s group routine, also choreographed by Sonya. She’s chosen a superhero theme, which I think really suits her style of dance. I like the rehearsal footage, which funs it up with retro Batman type graphics. This might be one of my favorite routines of the season, and also, def. my inspiration for a Halloween costume this year. I must have the monogrammed supergirl belt! Lil’ C says it was amazing, but he wants more than amazing. Mary tells him that’s crap, and that they were great. Nigel makes a thinly veiled reference to Jeanette’s voluptuous chest. Lord, Nigel.

I think Evan and Melissa have to be the ones going home tonight. It’s their turn, for sure.

Peripatetic, Poetic and chic: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #19

2009-07-24T23:01:00.000-04:00

Our opening number is a very twisted dance to “One” from A Chorus Line. I’m calling it now; only Mia would take such a classic and do it up like this. It’s really captivating. And I called the choreographer—yay!

We’re celebrating our 100th episode tonight. Mia says she loves the babies coming back to the nest and getting nominated for Emmys and such. Mary says this show means the world to her, and has changed her life, getting all weepy in the process. Nigel says TV at its best can reach out and unite a nation, and he feels like that happens on this show. Well—I do love our SYTYCD conversations, y’all, but I don’t know if Nigel’s the Great Uniter or anything. Easy with the pats on your own back!

We see highlights from the past five seasons. Why don’t we have people who can spin on their head this season!?!?! It’s just not the same.

Recap of last night. Breast cancer dance makes me cry again!

The four girls learn their fate. Melissa—is safe! She’s shocked, and so thrilled. I’m pretty shocked too. Kayla and Janette are in the bottom two this week. NOOOO not Janette!! Kayla I can see—she’s great, but it’s not like we see her “growing as an artist” or whatever.

Our first of three dances from previous seasons is up; it’s the flower and the hummingbird dance. I actually never saw this the first time around. Wade choreographed it, and it’s very interesting. No wonder it won an Emmy!

The guys are next. Ade is safe, and Jason is in the bottom two. Brandon and Evan are left, and Evan…is safe?? That’s…odd. I actually started typing “and Evan is in our bottom two” because I just assumed. Maybe his fan base was angered by the unfair criticism of his eyelids?

Our second routine of the night is “the bench” routine that garnered an Emmy for Mia. It’s still amazing.

The bottom four perform their solos. Really nothing new to say on this. Although last night, I thought that Kayla almost fell over a few times, and it turns out, that was part of the choreography. Which might explain why she’s in the bottom tonight?

Our last dance is Ramalama, another Emmy winning dance from Wade. And he’s dancing in it! They are dressed like Elizabethan era zombies and it is fanfreakingtastic. Their entrance on the stairs prompts my hubby and me to make plans for a stair dance off over the weekend. He is so going down in big huge flames.

And now we’re back with Katie Holmes, finally! Seriously, we’ve been hearing about this for how long now? Katie looks crazy skinny. I haven’t seen her in anything since Dawson’s Creek, so it’s hard for me to see her looking all Joey Potter and think that she’s married to Tom Cruise and is a momma to adorable Suri. She’s going to be dancing AND singing. Did you know Katie Holmes could sing? I had zero idea. Given that they’ve beaten us over the head with the fact that THE Katie Holmes is going to perform on the show tonight pretty much all season, I’m expecting a production along the lines of the Central Park scene from Enchanted. It opens with some 1920’s car pulling up, and Katie gets out and lip syncs beautifully. I do have to say, she sings well. Then we switch to some cloud set—are we supposed to think this is live?—and she’s dancing in a Chicagoesque costume with a bunch of guys. I don’t know anything about Katie’s dance training, but all she’s doing is flicking her leg around, doing a glorified grapevine, and pulling her hat over her eyes. The highlight of this routine is a lift consisting of no less than four men hoisting Katie up in some Jesus on the cross formation. It’s not thrilling. So back when I took choreography, we had entire shows revolving around choreography for everyone—the professors wanted to make sure that we could make ANYONE look like they could dance. Did Tyce skip that class? Is he spoiled by working with only trained dancers? Because I kind of think I read about Katie taking dance classes in my US Weekly, and it certainly didn’t show in this dance.

We learn which girl is going home, and it’s Janette. NOooooo!!!! She’s my favorite!!Cat, who seems truly fond of her, gives her like eighteen kisses. The judges give her a standing ovation. Nigel says that she was his favorite too, and he wanted her to win. Well maybe you should have SPOKEN UP and we wouldn’t be in this situation! Oh…do you think the judges go home and vote?

Our bottom two guys are next. Jason is going home. I suppose it’s time. His farewell video reveals that he was one sock guy during auditions. Oh! I totally remember him now!

Remind me to vote next week—I can’t believe Janette is gone!!!

How Could You Be So Heartless: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #18 (and kind of #17)

2009-07-23T11:55:00.001-04:00

Top eight. Don’t hate! Or so we’re told. The dancers shimmy onstage for their eight count solos, and wow, does the stage look empty with so few of them! Melissa is wearing bustier that’s mostly gray, but the bra part is bright orange. I can’t decide if I think this is horribly tacky or kind of brilliant.

I’ve been asked where my recap from last week’s result show is. To be honest, it would be about four sentences long, because all we did was watch the previous night’s performances all over again. Oh, but the group performance was fantastic. Perhaps it is best said in rhyming verse:

Mazel Tov: SYTYCD Episode #17

Nigel’s off getting a degree
Not a real one; it’s honorary.
It’s just the ladies here tonight
So of course, we have a catfight.

The Paso Doble—love or hate?
Debbie feels the need to castigate
Mary for proclaiming she loves it so
When whomever performs it gets kicked off the show.

The group dance was a Wade Robson thing.
The Black Eyed Peas were here to sing.
Voters did not think the Paso Doble was dandy,
So we said goodbye to Kupono and Randi.

Voila. Yeah, I went there with the dandy/Randi rhyme.

Mia is back to judge, sporting a multicolored version of the Kate Gosselin reverse mullet. Ellen DeGeneres is also on the panel tonight. I think she’s hilarious, so I’m excited to hear what she has to say. I also hope Mia goes all Mia on the dancers, if warranted, because I kind of feel like they’ve been too easy on them recently. When asked about any formal dance training she’s received, Ellen tells us everything she’s learned, she’s learned from the streets… in a gated community, with no kids, with a guy named Eduardo, but not really. Mary uses the phrase “off the chain”; an act I’m pretty sure is illegal for anyone over the age of 22 and four months. Cat sweetly asks Mia about her two Emmy nominations, only to be quickly and curtly corrected that it’s been THREE. Then Mia goes on and on about being an artist; I don’t know, I got bored.

Travis is back as a choreographer (yay!) for a group dance. We’re told the dance is simple, but fast. They are wearing lights and funky Lady Gagaesque costumes. I like it, but I think I’ve come to expect so much more from all group pieces—I don’t know. I was underwhelmed. Nigel liked it. Ellen claims she can do that, and takes credit the wearing of lights idea. Mary liked it. Mia declares Travis “has it going on”. She also threatens to wear the costumes on the results show, and oh my God, I wish she would.

Evan is paired with Janette, whose name I’ve been misspelling this whole time. Oops! My husband wonders aloud if Evan can handle “this spicy meatball”. Hee! They will be performing Sonya routine while dressed in dominatrix looking gear. Janette did really well, like I expected, but so did Evan, which I didn’t expect. Nigel liked it. Ellen jokes that she could do that. Mary thought it could have been a little “rougher” at the end, but goes on and on about how much she loved it, until Nigel tries to physically shut her up. Mia says she thinks Evan’s gotten by because he’s adorable, and he’s great stylistically, and he’ll never be the dark dancer that Sonya requires. She tells Janette she’s her favorite, favorite, favorite dancer this season. Janette literally collapses with gratitude.

Kayla decides to chuck showing off her amazing extension for a bunch of waving her arms around the place. Hubby notes “Ellen actually could do that”.

Jeanine and Brandon have been paired, and they seem overjoyed. They are doing a very “still” waltz. They open with a huge lift held for a long time, and that’s about it for the excitement. It’s pretty, I suppose, but honestly it seems a little clumsy and a lot snore. I took this opportunity to check my facebook. Nigel said it was so demanding, but the music almost put him to sleep, and he didn’t get as much as he wanted. Ellen says she disagrees, and makes us laugh. Mary says it’s the slowest waltz they’ve done on the show, and it’s tough, but they “did it respectable” (sic). Mia said that she expected it to be magical, because of the training they’ve had, but there were so many hiccups and stuck moments that she wasn’t taken away.

Jason’s solo. It’s good, but not remarkable.

Ade and Melissa are reunited. They have a Tony and Melanie chachacha. It’s okay, but again, I’m a little underwhelmed. It wasn’t as spicy as I wanted it to be. Nigel says great routine and it was sexy. Mary thought it was okay, but not great from a technical standpoint. Mia says it was Ade’s worst performance of the season. And to Melissa, she says she did an excellent job ridding herself of the ballet hips in order to wiggle them or something. Eh.

Janette gets brave and does a contemporary routine, with a few of her salsa moves thrown in. She does really well!

Jason and Kayla have a Tyce piece. He’s a man caught up in the music, and she’s a temptress trying to woo him. It’s very jazzy and I liked it. Nigel says it was classic, declared that Jason’s feet were perfect, and tells him that he reminded him of Gene Kelly. He says Kayla can do anything, and thinks it’s one of the best routines he’s seen this evening. Mary says everything was fabulous and that they “did it effortless” (again, sic). Oh, then she takes out a brand new train whistle and puts them on the train. Mia proclaims herself the only sane one on the panel… okay punk sheepdog hair, keep telling yourself that. She tells Jason that he needs to work on his upper body because his chest isn’t open, and it’s killing his lines. She’s totally right, that’s a great note for him. Mia asks Kayla if she acts and sings, and Kayla replies that she does sometimes. Mia says she should, because it will be Tony after Tony after Tony because she’s the dictionary definition of girl and perfect and star. Sigh. I am so conflicted over Mia. I think she’s a brilliant choreographer, and she clearly can teach well, but she just seems to take herself SO seriously and can be so mean for no reason… I don’t know.

Ade’s solo is next. He does a popping sort of thing along with his backflips and turns and whatnot.

Does everyone on this show look like they are losing weight? I can’t imagine that you wouldn’t, dancing about a million hours a day, but wow, some of these folks look like they are going to blow away with the first gust of wind.

Janette and Evan are back with a rumba. I thought it was just okay. Nigel says he loved the choreography, but it’s a hard routine to get votes with, because it’s just smooth and sexy. He notes that he found it a little lacking, and then he complains about Evan's… eyelids? WTF is he supposed to do about that??? Ellen notes that she loves Evan’s face, because everyone in LA goes to the same doctor and their faces all look alike. True that! Mary and Mia say they liked it.

I get really distracted at this point, because my dog has a little bump that appears for a few hours, then disappears, then comes back, and when I Google “bumps on dogs that reappear and disappear” the results I get say “bumps that appear then disappear and come back are usually cancer”, and I freak out, so…apologies.

Melissa does ballet to some rock song. It’s fine. My dog takes this opportunity to sniff some flowers. He really loves smelling flowers; I think it’s one of his cuter habits. Don’t have cancer, puppy!

Lauriann Gibson, who has choreographed for Diddy, among many others, is “preparing the soldiers for victory”. There is a lot of yelling at Jeanine and Brandon in the boot camp style rehearsal. They perform, and personally, I think Brandon is just killing Jeanine in this. She’s fine, but he is SO good. Nigel said that’s what he’s asking from his top 8, and notes this is the flattest night he’s seen on SYTYCD, until now. Thank you! It has been a bit dull! He thought Jeanine was great. Huh. I didn’t so much. Ellen likes it. Mary puts them on the hot tamale train. Mia heaps praise Laurieann, and makes her cry. She thinks they were both incredible.

Evan does his typical style and I love it.

Jeanine’s solo is fantastic.

Tyce choreographed a dance about breast cancer for Melissa and Ade. Okay ya’ll, I BAWLED during this dance. But then again, I got sucked into watching Dr. Doolittle this weekend, and as God as my witness, I cried during that too. I don’t like things dying or hurting. The dance is beautiful, from what I can tell through my tear crusted contacts. Nigel is choked up…well, all of the judges are. They all love it. We get to Mia, and she has just broken down. She says she wishes she were strong like that for her Daddy when he had cancer and OH MY GOD I just want to hug her.

Brandon’s solo is amazing; Cat calls him a racehorse.

We end with Jason and Kayla, performing a Shane piece. He’s a zombie, and she’s a schoolgirl turned into a zombie. I’m usually eh about Shane Sparks, but I love this one. Nigel says he’s been disappointed with the hip hop on the show this year, but he loves this. The rest of the judges do too. But I wonder how the other hip hop choreographers feel after hearing that from Nigel!

I have no idea who is going home tonight. My guess is Evan and maybe Melissa? Or Kayla? I really don’t know! Thoughts?

Somehow, it's still the dawning of the Age of Aquarius...So You Think You Can Dance Episode #16

2009-07-16T11:18:00.001-04:00

Tonight is the night that everything changes—the power is entirely in the hands of the American voter. I’m a little bitter that I’m not ensconced in a comfy movie theatre chair, eating popcorn and watching HP6 right now, but that irritation recedes when I learn Debbie Allen is our guest judge. OMG I LOVE Debbie Allen!!! Wouldn’t she be the world’s best mom? I’m 99% sure if she kissed your booboo, it really would heal.

Nigel reveals his disquiet regarding the judges’ loss of voting rights, and admits to being a control freak. Mary elaborates how difficult it will be to change partners after so much time working together. Debbie is warmly welcomed back, and tells us her three favorite girls and three favorite guys are still in the competition. She also says that she’s been watching at home, and has thrown her cup of Haagen-Dazs at the screen on more than one occasion. Love it! Honestly, a dinner party with the SYTYCD judges would be the very best dinner party in the world.

Our first dance is the girl’s ensemble routine. They’re performing a Bollywood dance, and it’s wonderful. They look gorgeous!!! Nigel delivers the obligatory “Nakul is cool” comment, and puts all the ladies on his “hot bangers and mash” train. VERY interesting! If you had a “Hot whatever train”, what would your food item be? I’ll have to give this weighty decision some thought. Mary and Debbie both love. I plan to Google where I can get lessons as soon as this show is over. (P.S. For those in DC or NYC who are interested, voila. I so want to do this! http://www.dhoonyadance.com/classes.php )

Kayla and Evan are the first new couple to perform. We see a bit of Mia’s addiction piece again, and I swear, had Kupono been dressed up as a giant Snickers bar, that would have exactly been the story of my life. I am utterly incapable of resisting all things Snickers. Anyway, Kayla is the tallest girl in the competition, and Evan is the shortest guy, and shots of them rehearsing the waltz while she towers over him are a bit funny. Evan says he’ll dance like he’s nine feet tall, and Kayla says “I’ll plie…a lot.” Hee. Also, Evan has HUGE pitties. I know they’ve been dancing for about five hours and all, but for the love of God, if you’re on camera, wear a shirt that hides that nonsense! They perform, and the camera guy decided this routine would be best viewed from an aerial point of view, apparently, because all I can see are the tops of their heads. I suppose that’s one way of hiding the height difference? When they finally show them straight on, they just zoom in on Kayla’s bracelet, so…I don’t know, maybe the costume jewelry was an integral piece of the dance? Evan seems to be doing well with the lifts. Nigel notes that they look the same height, and it’s because…whoa, Evan is rocking some three inch nurse shoe heels, and Kayla is wearing flats. Nigel notes to the choreographer that he didn’t see much Viennese in the Viennese waltz. Wow, I don’t think I’ve seen him give critiques directly to the choreographers before! But he thought that Evan was strong and supportive, and that the lifts were great, when it could have been a nightmare. Mary thought Evan’s footwork needed work, and gives Kayla gets a “FABULOUS!” Debbie says “Darling, you HANDLED your big woman! I don’t care what kind of waltz it is honey, they were in three/four, and they were in time…” She gives more warm praise, and once again: love her.

Brandon performs his solo. It’s good; I think he was better in Vegas, but whatevs. When my husband and I spontaneously perform our own solos, which we are wont to do after a beer or two (or dead sober, or any time, really), they always include some kind of barrel leap, lots of meaningful reaching out, and a bit of rolling around on the floor. I also throw in the “wave hands around head and through hair” move required of the female dancers. Brandon’s solo includes all of these.

Our next couple is Jeanette and Ade—the tallest guy and the shortest girl. They both seemed really excited about the grouping. His pick is gold and sparkly this week! Oh dear. Is he starting his own line? NappyTabs has choreographed a dance whereby Ade infuses Jeanette with funk. Apparently art is a reflection of reality in this case, as Jeanette is many things, but funky she is not. In the dance, the pick acts almost like a wand which controls Jeanette’s movement, and once again I’m reminded that I’m missing Hp6—grr! The dance is performed well and is a lot of fun. Can Tabitha and Napoleon do no wrong? Nigel shoves two pencils in his head and says if that’s what you can do with a pick, then he’s wearing one next week. He tries to critique, still wearing the pencils, and Mary breaks down laughing. Cat notes that it’s hard to take him seriously while he has pens in his hair, and he says “I have to talk Mary out of her clothes later” while making hypnotic type gestures—seriously, I’ll post a screenshot of this for reference. You can just imagine the screams this elicits from Mary. Cat just says “That is a terrible visual”. Mary sobers up, tells Nigel to “just cut the crap”, then adorably yells “That was fuuunky!!!!” Debbie says “Whooo, honey, these children wore me out! I wanted to get up there and dance with you!

Randi’s solo. Wow, she’s really good! Not that I thought she wouldn’t be, but it’s fun to see solos from the contestants who have skirted the bottom three so far.

Kupono’s solo. He’s wearing the necklaces and torn clothes. It’s funky. He sings along to the music, though—huge pet peeve of mine.

Jeanine and Jason are our next pair. Jeanine deadpans that “Last week, I had the Russian Folk dance, which stole the night.” Travis Wall is back as a choreographer! Fun. I actually really love Jeanine after the highlight reel. Their dance is a story about two longtime friends dealing with their romantic feelings toward each other. Poor Travis just looks terrified. They perform, and wow, I LOVE this!!! They perform beautifully, and it’s so well choreographed, and it ends in quite a kiss. My goodness! They get a huge standing ovation from everyone, including the judges. Nigel says he’s so happy to see Travis grow from being a dancer on the program to a choreographer. Mary is silent initially, prompting Nigel to yell “Mary is lost for words! I want you to do the same routine every week!” Mary finally hollers that she’s just ready to pass out, she’s so happy, and she loves seeing Travis back, and she’s crying, and Travis is crying, and Jason looks like he’s going to cry, and oooh! And then Mary hears something! Hooray for the train! Debbie loved the piece, and the dancers. She notes that this show helps evangelize dance in a way that nothing has, and she’s so happy to be a witness to the growth. Me too! And PLEASE bring Travis back as regular choreographer! After this, I may just have to go out and buy his SYTYCD workout DVD. (Note to MSG—I will drink tons of Crystal Light to rehydrate after I work out. Yes I will!!)

Melissa’s solo, yay ballet! It’s very pretty.
Evan’s solo. Wow! He’s looking dapper in a tuxedo, and he dances a beautiful Gene Kelly type routine. I thought it was lovely. I wonder if Ryan choreographed it? As Cat said, let’s hear it for “It’s Evan!”

Kayla’s solo is lovely, and she’s all legs. It’s ridiculous.

Randi and Kupono are paired for a Paso Doble. It looks like a disaster in rehearsal. Choreographers Tony and Melanie say “they were in total panic mode today, and they should be! It was rough!!!” Oh dear. They perform, and it’s Kupono and... some random chick? Honestly, who is he dancing with? Did Randi get hurt? OH GOD no it’s Randi, wearing some crazy wig. They perform, and egh. It is a trainwreck. And I love me some Paso Doble! I always think that I would love to dance this on Dancing with the Stars, except I don’t actually want to be a star. Can they create Dancing with the unknown Virginians as a spin off? Anyway, Kupono drops her at the end…oh, this is terrible. Nigel thinks that Kupono wasn’t strong enough, and that he wasn’t sure about the wig with Randi. Not sure about it? He’s being kind. The wig and the tawdry barmaid costume were dreadful. He says it didn’t work as a couple or as dancers, and that it didn’t feel authentic in any way. Cat says that it’s hard to be a new couple, and Mary notes that it’s hard for everyone, and some people take the challenge and blossom, but Kupono and Randi did not rise above. She describes the passion with which the Paso Doble should be danced; mauling poor Debbie in the process. Finally Debbie has to defend herself with an “AlriGHT, Mary!!!” Debbie says it’s hard not to agree, and it didn’t seem like they didn’t trust each other. When momma Debbie can’t even find words of comfort or praise, you KNOW you sucked.

Ade is once again shirtless—shameless pandering to the female audience! -- And combines Alvin Ailey with Bring it on. Methinks Cat has a little crush on Ade!!!

Jeanine’s solo; she does a great contemporary piece. In general, the solos here seem much better than when they dance for their lives. Maybe lack of nerves?

Jason performs a really interesting piece to “Train Fare Home” from Muddy Waters. Way to take a risk! You know, I like Jason more tonight than ever.

Melissa and Brandon are our last couple to perform. They are doing a Tyce Broadway routine to Aquarius. I don’t know about this damn liberal hippy nonsense, but they dance the bejesus out of the routine. Well, the part of it I could see—the last part of the dance was completely obscured by smoke. Nigel loved it, and said it brought back great memories. I bet it did, Panama Red. Mary loved it, and beats Debbie up some more. What is that all about!?! Debbie, get yourself some Workman’s Comp!!

Jeannette’s solo is last of the night, and she is such a firecracker. Love her!

We wrap it up with the guys performing an African routine. This is new! Evan looks a little petrified. They all tell us how much trouble they had with it during rehearsal. They perform, and…God bless Evan. He keeps making these goofy faces during the performance, and I’m cracking up watching him. But on the whole, the piece has amazing energy, and it’s very complicated, and I love it. Jeffrey Page, the choreographer, seems so pleased. I hope we see more from him!! Nigel tells Evan he looked like a dancing milkshake. Mary loved it. Debbie loves that this is the origin of hip-hop and jazz, but this piece was so pure and authentic, and it was wonderful. Debbie was proud. We could end the show on this nice note, but Nigel throws in that it was MUCH better than last week’s Russian folk dance. Oh that’s great. Like our relations with that country aren’t strained enough. Let’s move on, and stop trying to provoke international incidents, shall we?

I’ll be sad to see any of these guys go home, but I think it will be Randi and Kupono who leave us tonight. Thoughts?

If I catch it coming back this way, I'm gonna serve it to you: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #15

2009-07-10T11:24:00.000-04:00

Our dancers, bedecked in red military style uniforms, leap and slither onto the stage ferociously to the White Stripes. The dance is fantastic and very hard hitting, but the unfortunate costumes make them look like a bunch of enraged marching band kids who went AWOL from the Macy’s parade. The choreography is beyond. My conjecture is that this is the work of Wade; hubby guesses it’s NappyTabs, and he’s correct.

Cat looks like she got the “premium bronze” spray at the Mystic Tan, and is wearing loads of blue eyeshadow, and still manages to look stunning. She informs us that it’s Nigel’s 60th birthday—Bonne Anniversaire, Nigel! He says he went to the shop to get a bit of a facelift, but Mary got there first and took all the Botox. Hee—I’m happy we’re all so open about it! I do wish she’d cut back on the habit though—she’s naturally pretty! Tyce FINALLY shows us a little bit of that Tasty Oreo attitude that we’ve come to love—he was TyceLite last night, and me no likey.

Our first two couples to learn their fate are Jason and Caitlyn, and Brandon and Jeannette. Brandon and Jeanette are safe. I know this isn’t a fashion show, but the costumes here…seriously, y’all. Caitlyn is wearing a bra and panty set that I almost purchased during the Victoria’s Secret semi-annual sale, and a see through petticoat. It’s a strange combination.

Next up are Philip and Jeanine, and Randi and Evan. Jeanine has this whole Princess Leia/ Foxy Cleopatra gold lame thing going on. With little ado, we learn that Philip and Jeanine are in the bottom three. While discussing how they choose who will go home, Nigel discloses way too much information, and pretty much takes all of the tension out of the show. Everyone wonders who will make the top ten, because they get to go on tour. Turns out, they bring the rest of the dancers along as swing dancers, which—while that makes sense, it totally takes the fun out of the whole “top ten” thing. He also tells us that the judges discover who the bottom three couples are the morning of the results show, and determine who will go home before the show starts. So why do we have to go through this “dance for your life” sham?!?

The last two couples are Karla and Kupono, and Melissa and Ade. Melissa and Ade are in the bottom three for the first time, and although she’s a little annoying, I’m excited to see Melissa’s solo. No chance she’s going home. Tyce says he wasn’t shocked, because Ade dropped the ball in terms of energy. Melissa’s costume reveals that she has crazy ripped abs.

While the dancers get ready, they show footage of the auditions for season 6. They focus on Teddy, whom Tyce hails as “fantastic, awesome, brilliant!!!” Teddy is wearing a bow tie and argyle pants and kind of waddles around the stage. Hubby wonders “is this a joke?” To wear argyle is to win my heart, though, so I love Teddy already. Additional footage shows some guy spinning on his head. I hope he makes it!!

Solo time! Caitlyn performs first, and busts out a cutesy routine. It’s fine. Jason sticks with the shirtless leaping about that the judges seem to love from the guys. Jeanine dances a contemporary piece and shows off her amazing technique. Philip does his popping thing. Melissa dances to some farting tuba song. Seriously, I thought my dog was tooting before I realized it was part of her music. She moves beautifully, but the fart noise is really distracting. Ade brings the house down with his routine; specifically with a back flip so high he almost gets caught in the rafters. Cat tells him he gave her the “Deeley chills”; every guy watching the show turns green with envy.

Cat introduces DJ David Guetta and Kelly Rowland, who will sing their new song. She’s singing live, which I appreciate.

Kick off time! Nigel tells us they have approached this from a “positive standpoint”, thinking only of the girls they want to continue on this show, and Caitlyn will be going home tonight. Um, that’s not really positive for Caitlyn, though, right? It’s not. She cries, and wow, she looks just like Leann Rimes!

Nigel tells the men that they are all brilliant dancers. He tells Philip that he’s been fantastic on the show, but they’ve been disappointed with his performance in genres with which he's unfamiliar. He’ll be going home tonight, but there’s a twist: Both Philip and Caitlyn will be on the tour! So this whole “top ten” thing is kind of irrelevant this season. Interesting. Takes a bit of the sting out of it, no? I love how the producers just kind of make up the rules as they go along. Philip is still crying, though, and he delivers a very classy and eloquent speech. He hopes he inspired people that don’t have money or access to a dance studio, but do have passion, to go for it. The judges give him a standing ovation. Awww. Now I’m all misty eyed!!! My hubby feels quite strongly that they are getting rid of Philip now, while they can, because they don’t trust America not to vote him through to win. However, with this new twist, they can still bring him on the tour. This point has merit.

I think the biggest shock of the night was not Philip’s exodus from the show, but the fact that DJ Guetta was a white guy. There are good, white DJ’s?! Who knew?

I want some stuff like that there: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #14

2009-07-09T17:43:00.001-04:00

The last night before we have our final top ten! Cat, dolled up Old Hollywood style, tells us that we’ll see each couple dance twice tonight. Yay less filler! The women’s hair of truth this week tells us that Caitlyn will be doing some sort of ballroom; her hair is in a low chignon. Melissa is sporting the type of perm popular in 1987, so I’m thinking she has to have Mandy Moore choreography tonight. Kupono is wearing a ton of guyliner; that can’t bode well. Our guest judge is Tasty Oreo; I feel like we’ll get a very constructive critique or a lot of snark, so it’s a win-win.

Melissa and Ade have a Doriana Sanchez disco. Whee! They perform, and the dance has tons of energy. I have to say, Ade does a remarkable job tonight. Melissa is great as well; she always is, but Ade seems to be having a blast. They do this crazy upside down split thing that seems superhuman. Melissa falls at the end of the performance, but really, it doesn’t matter. Also, they do this super fast butt wiggle that I shall endeavor to learn. Nigel loves the energy and finds it tremendous. Mary said if they prayed to the disco gods, then she needs an amen. Tyce thought it was “friggin’ great”. Mary screams some more, just for hoots.

Kupono and Kayla will perform a Mia routine about addiction. Mia says that at some point, we all probably contend with wanting something that is bad for us. True that, Mia! Kupono talks about how he doesn’t want to portray an addiction, having had family and friends battle addition. He cries, and it’s a little heartbreaking. They dance, and my goodness—this is the reason why Mia is so famous. It is absolutely stunning, and Kayla and Kupono do an amazing job. Mia is crying afterward. I thought this was one of the most powerful dances I’ve ever seen on this show. Nigel thought it was brilliant. Mary applauds Kupono’s ability to stay in character no matter what. She says Kayla is flawless every week. Oh and Grandpa and Grandma are crying! !! Tyce notes that with Mia, you don’t feel like you watched a dance, you feel like you had an experience. Cat says she thinks it will be one to remember from this season. I agree!

Caitlyn and Jason are doing a foxtrot from Tony Meredith. Caitlyn basically says that she’s excited to do any dance that doesn’t suck and require her to wear the world’s worst costume. They perform, and it’s okay. I liked it, but it didn’t stand out for me. Jason looks quite debonair, though! Nigel likes it, and thought Caitlyn was smooth, cool and elegant. Mary thought it was tremendous and that it suited them. Tyce thought they both looked like stars, and that they “captured the essence”.

Jeanine and Philip are doing a Russian folk dance. Speaking of Russians, it’s actually a goal of mine to befriend more people from that part of the world. At a party last year, I heard a Russian tell her three-year-old daughter “Oh, that bunny is your friend? Your friend has turned his back on you! Because you were too loud!” in much the same manner that I’d imagine KGB agents of old would speak. It was fabulous. Anyway, Philip and Jeanine perform a Kalinka. It’s pretty basic, but has a few fun elements. The judges critique, and Nigel says it reminded him little kids dancing. He thought it wasn’t about the dancing, it was about the folk style they were asked to do. Well, that’s your fault, producer! You invited these choreographers on your show; you had to know the style of dance they would create. The complaint that it was too simple is a little insulting—what, are they supposed to change the nature of the traditional dance of their country just to suit you? Not very gracious, Nigel! Mary basically agrees with Nigel. Tyce says he disagrees, he thinks they executed the dance very well, and that it was entertaining. Thank goodness someone was classy about it!

Randi and Evan have drawn a NappyTabs dance. They portray a young couple who find out they are about to have a baby. Rehearsal looks good. I really like the dance, but I don’t get the pregnancy plot line AT ALL .Not even a little bit. It looked more like an engagement story? I don’t get that they are nervous; they just look happy. Nigel likes that they weren’t asked to be urban, and could just be themselves. Mary said she was expecting a train wreck, because she didn’t think they had it in the to perform hip-hop. Tyce commends the story telling. He thinks Evan needs to find “more”, but he loves Randi. Every week, we hear that the judges are expecting something more from Evan, but they love him. Why does he keep getting a free pass? I think he’s lucky they’ve avoided the bottom three!

Brandon and Jeanette have an authentic tango by the couple that performed earlier in the year, Miriam Larici, and Leonardo something. They perform, and it’s absolutely wonderful. I can’t believe this is the same couple that did the rocker vs. hip-hop routine; it’s like they’ve transformed. I love Brandon and Jeanette as a couple—they are so versatile. Nigel actually gives them a standing ovation, and then all of the judges join him. Nigel says it was a close to perfection as he’s ever seen on this stage for ballroom. Mary says Brandon was right there in the moment every step of the way, and that Jeanette was flawless. Tyce loves the specifics and the attention to detail, and calls them a power couple. He compares their dance to making freshly squeeze orange juice, and goes on and on about how you make it. I don’t know that I get how that relates to dance, but I would give my eyeteeth right now for some orange juice. Mary screams some more and starts making choo choo noises; I take it they are on the hot tamale train? . Even Nigel is screaming. My dog has no tolerance for this hooting and hollering, and makes a run for it.

Oooh we learn that next week, the couples will switch partners. It happens, but it’s sad!

Melissa and Ade are back for their second dance, a Ron Mondez waltz. Ron seems very happy with the dancers. They dance to Mary J Blige “Natural Woman”, and it’s lovely. That’s always what I think when they dance. Nigel says her classical training gave her beautiful lines, and Ade’s strength made for some beautiful lifts. Mary wanted to see more strength and ease from Ade while he was dancing. She calls Melissa mesmerizing. Cat calls Tyce a “Brooklyn Brownie”, and I think my hubby is jealous. My “Virginia Vegetable” doesn’t have the same ring, though.

Kayla and Kupono have a Joey Dowling Broadway piece about love at first sight. Kupono says that he will miss Kayla’s clammy, sweaty hands and feet; Kayla deadpans “that’s what he will miss me? Wow that is awesome. “. Hee. They dance to “Dance at the gym” from west side story. I don’t know that I got the whole crazy in love thing, but I thought it was great. Nigel felt like they were missing the true emotion of the dance. Mary says she can see where Nigel is coming from; that they didn’t latch onto the style, but it was danced well. Tyce, also a Broadway choreographer, says that they didn’t get down to the truth of West Side Story. I don’t remember Joey saying they were specifically portraying Tony and Maria, but whatever.

Caitlyn and Jason have Mandy Moore routine, and they are all happy to be back in their comfort zones. I think they perform well, but I don’t think anyone is arguing that they are good dancers. But it was kind of eh for me. What is not eh are Caitlyn’s bangs; what the hell is going on with them? It looks like a crazy wig. She also looks like she’s taken up a hard smoking habit; her eyes are all tired and small. Nigel said it was good, Mary said it was really good, but it lacked magic for her. Ooooh, Jason doesn’t have a shirt on, and he totally has hickey!!!! I miss what Tyce says because I’m too busy trying to determine if that’s a hickey or a scar.

Jeanine and Philip are doing a Tony Meredith jive as their last piece. This jive actually is really, really fun. Philip is a sailor on furlough and Jeanine is…a prostitute? I don’t know, but I like it! Nigel loves the choreography, and also thought Philip was the best he’s been outside of his style. He tells Jeanine if she’s not in the top 10 he’ll be surprised. Mary says she can guarantee she’ll be there next week. So…pressure’s off Jeanine? Mary said she thought this was going to be a huge disaster for Philip and that he was going to be off the show. She tells Jeanine she was on fire. She’s on the hot tamale train! Tyce says what Philip lacks in technique he makes up for in performance, and that Jeanine is a star. They are doing an awful lot of “you’re totally in the top ten” to the contestants tonight. Hope they are sincere!

Randi and Evan. have a sexy samba from Pasha and Anya. Randi and Evan are cute, for sure, but sexy? I don’t know so much. They perform, and I def. don’t get sexy, but I think they dance well. Mary thought it wasn’t dynamic, and they didn’t really commit themselves. Tyce tries to make sexy faces, but he sounds like my cat—in-law when he’s furious with me for existing. Oh but Tyce interrupted Mary, who was about to put Randi on the Hot tamale train. Big mistake, Tyce! The longer she waits, the more she’ll scream!

Our last dance of the night is a Wade Robson piece with Brandon and Jeanette. Brandon seems thrilled to be working with Wade. Who wouldn’t? He was Britney’s choreographer! The premise of the dance is that they are two thieves, one crazy, and one more cautious. It’s very fun and they dance perfectly. Oh, I will miss them as a couple!! Nigel says that he’s so impressed that Jeanette the salsa dancer has picked up every style so well. Mary hollers that they saved the best for last. Tyce tells them that they have that “thing”. Can I get an Amen!

My prediction? Tough call, but I think it’s Caitlyn and Jason’s last night on the show. Thoughts?

Where each and every lulu belle goes: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #12

2009-07-08T16:49:00.000-04:00

Our top 14 perform, and it’s a two hour show… for seven dances. Oh Lord, give me strength. You know it’s going to be an episode ridiculously full of filler we see about 78% of the auditions before the opening credits. Cat is wearing the exact same dress I wore as a bridesmaid a few years ago, only she’s gussied it up with a studded leather belt and sparkly huge shoes.

Tonight our guest judge is Mia! Oh goody, I hope she tells more people off. She does those weird crab claw hands again as she’s being introduced. Is that her signature move now? Mary’s face has returned to that puffy mask like stage—boo! She’s so vocally expressive that it makes a lack of facial movement really disconcerting. Cat practically begs Mia to tell us that she’s grown to like Brandon; Mia obliges.

And on that note, we shall see Brandon and Jeanette perform first. They have drawn a Jean Marc et France cha cha cha. This week, contestants share their feelings regarding their big long journey of…three weeks. I’ll take this time to get on my knees and pray to Jesus that we don’t have to endure a two hour episode next week, because what is left to share? Dancers detailing the bunions forming on their feet? Sometimes less is more, producers. Now, I would LOVE to see lots of Jean Marc and France blather, because they are so, so charming. Sadly, all we get is footage of Brandon and Jeannette falling. On one hand, seeing them struggle during rehearsal makes me appreciate a great performance. On the other hand, it’s kind of boring. They dance, and it is amazing! They are my favorite couple. Jeanette is so fiery and energetic, and hits everything. Brandon looks like he’s been doing this his whole life. I swear, every time I see them dance I just want to get up and shake a booty, too. Nigel calls it the best damn cha cha we’ve ever had on the show. Mary tells us exactly why it was so good from a technical standpoint, then stands up and screams that they have two first class tickets on the hot tamale train. Whoot! Mia tells Brandon that she’s tough on the students that have the most potential, and that she won’t be satisfied until she feels he’s living up to his potential. The crowd goes wild over her comments, and Jean Marc stands up cheering, and Brandon cries. Even Cat looks teary eyed. I would also cry, but I am way too mystified by the Russian fur hat with earflaps the 13 year old looking kid behind Jean Marc is wearing. What the heck is that? And he also has a lip ring. Good lord, please don’t tell me this is the latest craze. (A note: I watched this episode with my in-laws, and even my father in law was somewhat horrified by this fashion faux pas. It was that bad.)

Kayla and Kupono tell us of the devastation wrought by losing the partners that they danced with for two weeks. They are doing a Sonya routine about vampires. I’m sure this will be a huge hit with the Twilight fans crowd. The dance is performed very well. I think sometimes style can upstage the dancing (as with the crash test dummy dance), but I think they really let their talent shine in this piece. Nigel tells Kupono he was a new man. Mary raves about Kayla’s legs. We see several shots of an ecstatic Sonya, and we can see that fur cap boy now wears his hat at a jaunty angle. It is truly atrocious. Mia tells them they are gorgeous, the costume and makeup are brilliant, that it’s Sonya’s best piece on the show. Sonya looks very grateful for the praise, and fur cap applauds approvingly behind her. Mia tells Kayla that she’s wonderful and compliments Kupono’s ability to take a note, and his calm power. She thought the whole thing was amazing.

Randi and Evan recap their time together, with a focus on the “but” jokes. Y’all, it’s time to move on from that. They’ve been paired Joey Dowling, who is a Broadway choreographer. Joey is very tall and very pretty, and she will chew you up and spit you out if you suck! Rehearsal footage shows her being super tough and later telling us that she’s going easy on the dancers. I would not want to get on the bad side of Joey Dowling! They dance to a song from Sweet Charity, and Evan does this crazy slow motion cartwheel over a table, and sometimes I can’t get over how strong these people are. Nigel tells us this was quite the homage to Bob Fosse (I love the general dance education on this show), and praises Joey. Nigel loved Randi, wanted more from Evan, but tells them they are both in his top ten. Nigel is not shy about playing favorites! Mary reminds us that the dancers only get five and a half hours to learn the choreography. Which—wow, that’s not a lot of time. Mia found the choreography “Buh-rillant” (her phrase du jour), but found Randi’s movement a little “heavy” (just what every girl wants to hear, no?), and expected more from Evan. They just get a “good job”.

Caitlyn and Jason are dancing a Brian Freeman dance. Caitlyn is an alien who has destroyed the earth, and is trying to find the last surviving male to impregnate. Brian notes that Caitlyn is having trouble picking up the details of the choreography, and Caitlyn says it’s all a little weird and she hopes they don’t scare off voters. They perform, and…Jesus, Mary and Joseph. What the hell is she wearing? It’s like wardrobe went dumpster diving behind a theatre where Cats is performing, retrieved a torn black unitard, repaired it with duct tape, and added huge tin foil dog collar spikes on the head for good measure. I will bet good money that furrier cap boy is responsible for this hot mess. They dance, and they perform well, but you know—I absolutely hate this dance. I just did not enjoy it at all. Nigel tells us he thinks Brian Freidman is from another planet and it’s very weird, but commends the dancers for committing themselves 100% to the weirdness. Nigel calls Caitlyn a “dancing condom”, and Cat reminds them “safety first”. Mary said it didn’t “sit right” with her. Amen! Mia thinks it was fun and enjoyable. I think this is as close as the judges have ever come to saying “that dance sucked, choreographer”.

Philip and Jeanine are next. We see a lot more of Philip’s busted pants from last week again. They have pulled a Tabitha and Napoleon piece for this week. Again with the NappyTabs for them--lucky! This dance involves them being chained to each other, and it’s supposed to represent the contestants experience on the show. Holy crap, dancing while chained to another person looks really hard. The piece is really interesting! Nigel loves it. Mary thought it was very creative and commends their great dancing. Mia felt like the “chainography” was distracting.

Up next are Melissa and Ade, who have magically drawn the pas de deux out of the hat. Okay—I shall now call BS on this whole random, draw out of the hat concept. I’ve had my doubts for several seasons. When Kaytee and Joshua got the first Bollywood dance last year, I thought to myself “no way is that random; they wanted the best pair to dance that routine.” Maybe this was a special exception to the hat draw, but then that’s crap. Anyway, I won’t complain too much, because I am THRILLED to have real ballet on the show. They are dancing a pas de deux from Romeo and Juliet—apparently it’s been Melissa’s dream to be Juliet, so that’s nice. They perform, and it is so, lovely. Ade holds his own, but Melissa is breathtaking. Nigel pats himself on the back for now incorporating classical dance and the diversity of styles performed on the show. Mary praises the beautiful performance, and Mia says she’s so excited that classical ballet is on the show now, and that it was danced so well. She also loves that it’s a black and white Romeo and Juliet, and honestly, I didn’t even notice that. Sometimes I’m clueless.

Karla and Vitolio have drawn the “kiss of death” the quickstep. Mmm hmmm. The judges totally want them to go home, and now this? TOTALLY not random! At least Jean Marc is involved! We get to see Jean Marc’s analogies, which Vitolio finds helpful, and I find adorable. They dance to Rufus Wainwright, which makes me happy. I found their performance charming. I know nothing about the quickstep, but it seems like they are dancing it well, their footwork looks really good. Nigel loves the choreography and thought they danced well. Mary tells us it was well done, and whoos their scatter sashays. I want to scatter sashay through life!

Predictions are moot at this point, and I missed the results show, so I can’t recap that. I read that Karla and Vitolio went home—sad, but not surprising. Until tomorrow, y’all!

I Know You Want Me: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #11

2009-06-26T11:17:00.000-04:00

Our opening dance starts off steamy and sexy. They dance to that super danceable Calla Oche song. I want to download that song on iTunes, but I KNOW by July Hot 99.5 will have played it five million times, and I’ll be sick of it. The dance itself is amazingly fabulous. I LOVE it. THIS is what I’m talking about—I want more routines like this, that I want to watch over and over again! They must have pre-recorded some sections, because we see Janette and Jeanine dancing on tables in pouring water and dark lighting, but then the stage is all kinds of arid. The whole production is nothing short of fantastic. And it was choreographed by…Dmitry, Tabitha and Napoleon. That may well be the best collaboration ever.

Nigel delivers a very nice tribute to Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson. One thing I love about this show is how smart and articulate the judges and host are. Except for the rare crazy guest judge, there is no SYTYCD version of Paula.

They trot out the first five couples to learn their fate. Speeding things up a bit, no? O & V are first, and man, do they look nervous. With good cause--they are in the bottom three. Neither one seems surprised, but they both look so dejected that my heart breaks a little. Brandon and Jeanette are safe. Cat asks Randi and Evan “did your butt made the cut?” And it did. Jeanine, Philip, Melissa and Ade are also safe. Cat laughs about the horrible lines they’ve written for her, such as “what a difference “Ade” makes, but will it be a night to forget?” I totally covet the job of terrible joke writer for SYTYCD.

Of the last three couples to go, Karla and Jonathan are first. I think we all know how this one is going to go. We spend most of the recap reviewing Nigel’s huffypuffs. BTW, he’s far less of a curmudgeon tonight, probably because he’s back to his nice suits. See, you DO feel better when you’re well dressed. I shall use this rationale to justify my shopping sprees to my husband. As expected, they are totally in the bottom three. Kayla and Kupono learn they are safe, and Kupono clearly needs a lesson in good sportsmanship. You know, when I was in lower school, we were graded on “Winning with humility/ losing with grace”. Did Kupono skip that day?

Mary and Toni coyly dance around the “are you surprised to see any of these couples in the bottom three” question, until Nigel knocks off that nonsense and tells them to spill it.

Cat delightedly introduces The Rage Boys crew. I would assume these are a bunch of hooligans by their name. Turns out to be a bunch of boys, probably ages 6-16, who are crazy good dancers. Think “Bring It On” meets preppy college boys a cappella group. Cat is beside herself in love and actually kowtows to the littlest member crew. He is really frickin’ cute.

Our solos are next. Oscar is first. She’s as good as can be expected when performing your specialty requires a partner—more latin, less crazy drunk. Vitolio is amazing, but why can’t he do that during his performances? Karla seems really nervous, and keeps falling out of pirouettes. That is such a pet peeve of mine; it’s not all about how many rotations you can do. If you fall out of it, it’s crap! Jonathan gets all samba-y and flippy in the air. Caitlyn does really well, I think. The key difference between Jonathan and Caitlyn’s use of gymnastics is that she incorporates it as an integral part of her routine, and he just throws in a back tuck as it pleases him. Jason rolls around on the ground and looks intently at his hand. What the heck? Wasn’t he the one who was amazing last week? I think Karla and Jason should go home, based on this.

The Veronica’s perform “take me on the floor”. Fun! They are dressed like they raided Betsy Johnson, and are sexually ambiguous. They scare my dog.

The judges return with a unanimous decision for the girls. Caitlyn is safe, and although I’m not her biggest fan, I think that’s the right call. She seems so relieved. They tell Karla she didn’t do well, and tell Oscar she’s not growing as a dancer. Consequently…Oscar is going home. She starts choking up, and says she will remember working with Vitolio the most. Aww.

The judges were not unanimous in their decision on the guys. Nigel tells Vitolio he has a lot of promise, but needs to deliver. I agree! Jonathan is told that his gymnastics is outstanding, but he’s supposed to be a dancer. Jason is told his solo this week was desperate and not really even dancing (I should totally be a judge!). But, he is safe. Then Nigel yells at him to get off the stage. Easy now! And the safe one is Vitolio. Goodbye, Jonathan. Paloma will miss you. I think Vitolio and Karla will be a good couple, though!!!

Jumped the Couch: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #10

2009-06-25T12:19:00.001-04:00

Week Three of the good stuff! So I think you can tell a lot about what’s to come, based on the hairdos the women are rockin’ during the introduction. This week’s offerings are particularly promising: Jeanette is channeling 1986 Cher, Jeanine has some 50’s look going on; I don’t know what Caitlyn’s deal is, but she’s wearing a pleather fringe dickey. SPEAKing of fringe, today I was informed that Mary’s infamous leather fringe vest is actually in style right now. I refused to believe it. I ran home to pore over my latest issue of Vogue, and saw no such evidence. But then the Post said that not only is the cowboy look en vogue, but that horrible grunge look from the 90’s has risen up like Lazarus . Dear lord, is the Armageddon coming??? These looks are NOT attractive!

Our guest judge tonight is Toni Basil. She’s attached a hat to one half of her head that is half beret, half Chinese hat. At Cat’s urging, she divulges her big news: She is receiving a”Living Legend of Hip Hop” award, along with someone named Boogaloo Sam and MC Hammer. Apparently they all helped promote American street dance in the 70’s and 80’s. Um…y’all, she’s the one who sang “Oh Mickey”. And I think she may have also choreographed the cheerleading moves in that video. Nothing says gritty street like Oh Mickey! She reminds me of my ballet teacher when I was in kindergarten. If only she were wearing a turban, jelly shoes, and chain smoking…

This week, couples will reveal what they would do with their lives if they weren’t dancing. Their stories better be long! If they keep up this two hour format, we’re going to have to get much more substantial filler to take up air time. Karla would be a journalist; she majored in it at NYU. You know, she does seem really articulate; I could see that. Jonathan would be in Cirque de Soleil. Not really much of a stretch there, Jonathan. Today they are doing a Dave Scott hip hop routine. Dave Scott’s goatee freaks me out; it’s too flat and wide or something. Karla should nail this because she’s in that hip hop crew. They perform and… they aren’t together at all. Oh no. Are they supposed to be synchronized? I can’t even tell. She is doing pretty well, but he is awful. Whoa, until he does this back flip where he kicks mid air. Nigel, usually constructive in his criticism, somewhat angrily calls it a “Sunday School picnic outing”—whatever that means-- and declares that they will be in the bottom three. He goes on and on and seems pretty irritated, for whatever reason. He’s making Karla and Jonathan cry! Cat says “Nigel’s getting all gangster on us” and wonders aloud if he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Apparently swapping out natty suits for faux “members only” jackets has put him in a bad mood? Toni tells them that they need a ghetto grove. It is really hard to take her seriously with that hat! I wish she would demonstrate what she means by “ghetto groove”, because that would be good entertainment.

Oscar and Vitolio are dancing a Mandy Moore routine. Previews show Oscar wearing the world's ugliest costume ever—some sort of lace body stocking with an electric blue bra, and bright pink lipstick. Ooooh I want to guess the song. I’m thinking Bangles or Cyndi Lauper. Oscar’s alternate career would be making jewelry for ballroom dancers. Vitolio would be a singer in a band. He demonstrates his talents in a huge wig and costume and I think he’s missed his calling!!! Mandy has choreographed “thrash rocker jazz”. Oh dear me. Rehearsal footage shows Oscar having a breakdown and Vitolio is soooo sweet when he cheers her up!!! Cat cutely calls them “softies”. They dance to Pat Benetar (darn! I was wrong) and ooh I love the opening move! They perform well, the lifts are great, but the jumps are eh. Come on Vitolio! You have great jumps! You better be having one of those “diarrhea moments” you told us about; that’s your only good excuse. I found it entertaining. The judges critique: Nigel lets his rock star out and does a tongue wag. Eek. Mary says she likes it, but it didn’t take the roof off, and that she expected more. Oooh is Mary’s Botox wearing off? I’m seeing more facial expression. Toni advises that they don’t let technique get in the way of their emotions.

Melissa and Ade are doing a rumba. Oh I bet she will love this. Melissa would be a Pilates instructor. Ade would be a sound engineer. Melissa busts out the first half naked costume of the year. They perform, and it is steam-MAY! Ugh…Nigel goes on and on about Melissa’s body parts. And then he busts out a “what a difference “Ade” makes’ pun. Somebody please take his meds away from him. Mary loved the dance. Toni is all hot and bothered!

Commercials: Did anyone watch Glee? It looks like the best show ever.

My hubby misses contestants who can dance on their head. Don’t we all…

Brandon and Jeanette are up next. Brandon would be lighting and design person. He likes to make the stage “sparkly”. Oh man, Brandon, PLEASE don’t let weirdly slightly homophobic Nigel hear you say that. Jeanette would be a loan processor; she’s a year away from getting her finance degree. She says it sounds boring, but it’s interesting. I totally know where she’s coming from! They are also doing a Dave Scott routine. It’s rock vs. hip hop. It looks really good in rehearsal, and they seem confident. I think it will be good. She looks ferosh!!!! I love it. The dance has energy and really interesting choreography that they both perform well. Nigel calls it “Jr. 50 cent and Cher” and that’s actually the perfect description of their costumes. He liked it. Mary said they really hit that, yes they did! Toni drones on and on. I feel like there is a lot of potential for some crazy in Toni, and I would like to see that unleashed.

Kupono and Kayla have drawn the Viennese waltz. Kayla says she would model if she weren’t a dancer; actual shots of her modeling show real promise. Kupono would do costume design (please dear god let dancing work out so that’s not unleashed on this world. Amen). Jean Marc and France are the choreographers. YAY! I love me a Jean Marc waltz. Rehearsal shows Kupono really struggling with lifting Kayla. Really, producers, we know he’s not going to throw her to the ground during the performance. I think the actual performance is all kinds of lovely. Nigel calls it beautiful and elegant, but not a dance to make anyone stand up and cheer. Someone in the audience goes “yeah it will” and everyone starts to cheer. Way to go, Kayla’s exuberant grandma! Mary puts them on the hot tamale train. I didn’t see that coming! Toni notes that Kayla doesn’t let her technique get in the way of her reality. She needs to find a new line.

Randi and Evan are dancing a Mia Michaels routine. Randi is getting a degree in special ed. Oh, she seems like she would make a great teacher, no? Evan would own a custom car shop. Mia has choreographed a dance around Randi’s…booty. Evan is supposed to be mesmerized by it. My hubby asks me “Becca, would you like to do this dance?” Why yes, me and my juicy would!!! Mia complains that right now, in rehearsal, the dance just looks cliché. Oooh y’all better not make Mia angry!!! They perform, and it’s very Mia, and I really like it—very interesting. Cat calls it cheeky. Nigel notes this is simple, BUT it’s beautiful. He proceeds to beat the “BUT” joke into the ground. What the hell kind of glasses is Mia wearing?? Mary yells that they were terrific. I tune Toni out.

Caitlyn and Jason are doing a Paso Doble. Ohh this is always the dancer’s waterloo. Caitlyn would like to do broadcast journalism. I can see her being a newscaster in a mid market. Jason would play soccer. Rehearsal footage proves to be the most entertaining part of the show since Nigel threw the hissy fit at Karla and Jonathan. Jean Marc, with his cute accent, directs Jason: “You say “oooh, I love her…” NO!! NO!!! YOU HATE HER AHRRRR!!!!” More histrionics from Jean Marc. I could watch two hours of just this! They are dancing to O Fortuna, and opening is pretty magnificent. I can see them doing this better than most contestants who draw the Paso Doble…and, yeah, I think it was good. Not fantastic, but entertaining. Nigel said it was good, Mary said it was a really strong performance. She gives critiques specific to the style of dance, and that’s what I like so much about these judges—they REALLY know their stuff. Toni likes that even if they struggled with technique, but they performed all the way through. Her insight is basically worthless.

Our last couple is Jeanine and Philip. Philip would be an inventor. With that Engineering and Physics double major, I think he’ll have a chance to do that. Jeanine would be an actress. They are doing a Tasty Oreo routine; yay! Rehearsal, and oh goodness—Tasty is making Phillip jump over a couch the long way. Holy crap! He gets it in rehearsal, and for once I am actually worried that they won’t be able to pull this off during the performance. They perform, and I think it’s super cute. They are dancing to a song from Singing in the Rain, and it’s very 50’s and stylized and just cute. They have a pillow fight-ish, and Jeanine appears to be choking on feathers at one point. Hazards of the profession, Jeanine. Nigel makes Philip show off the split in his pants, and Jeanine pulls it so you can see his tighty whities. Poor Philip! Getting kicked in the nether regions last week, and now this? Nigel tells Philip he’s going to have to grow even more as a dancer. Mary says she’s allergic to feathers, but not to that dance! Toni said she thought it was adorable, but she doesn’t think that’s a great compliment, because it should have been danced better. Whatevs.

So my bottom three prediction: Karla and Jonathan, because otherwise Nigel would incite riots. Next I think Caitlyn and Jason, and…I don’t know…Jeanine and Philip? Hard to tell!! Thoughts?

Finding Serenity in the Chaos: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #9

2009-06-22T20:58:00.000-04:00

We open with Mia’s very stylistic dance to “Higher Ground”. Is that Brandon, shoved in the back, in the shadows? Mmm hmmm. The dancers are costumed in black suits, and it’s hard to tell guys from girls. It’s an interesting routine. Ugh, but when Cat thanks Mia for the routine, Mia just makes weird faces and crab hands. Accept praise with grace, Mia!!! Also, Cat keeps exposing her bra, and I don’t think it’s intentional. Nigel looks spiffy.

The producers have pulled together “Lil’ C’s Dictionary of Dance”, highlighting some of his more florid language from last night’s critiques. Gems such as “The primary focus of all obstacles is to induce labor so progression can be born.” “ You are modifying your manipulation of movement” and “find serenity in the chaos” are shown. You want to know what? That last one is a pretty good idea! I think I need a poster of that in my office!!

Our first three couples to learn their fate are Melissa and Ade, Caitlyn and Jason, and Philip and Jeanine. Melissa and Ade learn they are safe. Interesting! I think it’s a crapshoot as to which of the remaining couples will be in the bottom. And the first couple in the bottom three is…Caitlyn and Jason. Mary says they just didn’t have that spark last night, but they are both good. Cat asks them if they are going to “leave their bit all on the stage” when they dance for their lives. Hee! May we all leave our bits all on the stage, every day.

Our next three couples are Jeanette and Brandon, Jonathan and Karla, and Kupono and Ashley. I doubt Brandon and Jeanette are in trouble. I think they are in a sweet spot right now. They are both really strong dancers, and people are still feeling a little defensive of Brandon because of the Mia hate. They can knock it out of the ballpark, but people will still vote, because they won’t think they are totally safe. I do have to point out that Lil’ C, who was not a fan of Brandon’s in Vegas, loved his performance last night. And how could you not!!! Anywho they are safe, as are Jonathan and Karla. Okay, after watching the replay, I totally stand corrected. That was really good. They are explosively delighted when they hear they are safe this week, which warms my heart. Kupono and Ashley will dance for their lives.

Our last three couples hear their results. First up are Randi and Evan, and the producers have a surprise for Evan. They show his brother Ryan’s Season 6 audition from last week in Los Angeles. He’s even better than he was this season! And of course he made it through to Vegas. Evan looks absolutely delighted; SO cute! Cat also looks thrilled and confesses she “cried like a big idiot. “ I think this is why I want Cat to be my BFF, she is so genuine and just nice!! Oh, and Evan and Randi are safe. Oscar and Vitolio look very nervous, and they should, because it’s between them and Kayla and Max. But they are also safe, which means …Kayla and Max are dancing for their lives!?!?!?! What??? Kayla looks like she’s going to throw up. Nigel says he’s shocked, but wonders if the audience thought the routine was too esoteric and alienating.

Nigel notes how stunning Cat looks, prompting Cat to thank him, and mention her boyfriend will be very happy. A side note: I watched this on TiVo later in the evening, because I was driving back from an incredible dance concert by a local studio while it was on. When I called my hubby on the way home, maybe the third thing out of his mouth was “And Becca, Cat Deeley has a boyfriend!” He said this in the same mildly disappointed tone that he gets when I forget to bake him brownies after I’ve promised. Do you blame him? She’s so cute!

Our special guest is doing traditional Indian dance. It’s beautiful. I want me some of those ankle bracelets!

Solo time. Caitlyn is first. She reminds me of Courtney from last season—pretty, good, but not remarkable. Jason does beautifully, I think. But is he just doing the same movement over and over? Ashley is next. She looks kind of chicagoesque. I liked her routine; it was different. Kupono dances. He’s wearing the necklaces. Will they hit him in the face? No they don’t. Cat says, “You can’t go home yet! I want to see more of their outfits!” Me too! Kayla shows us exactly why she’s so good. Cat notes that she doesn’t think she’s seen anyone look as nervous as Kayla’s grandparents. Max busts a move to footloose. I love! Chase Crawford, are you going to be able to top that? Methinks not!!!.

Now someone—Christine Debarge (maybe?? I missed the name) is performing. She is totally lip-synching. I am not buying for one single second that she’s actually singing this song. She does a slow pageant wave at the end. I don’t like, but then again, I didn’t like Lady Gaga when she was on the show last year. And now I can’t get enough of her.

Nigel tells us that they don’t want to cut anyone. I don’t want them to, either! I swear, they made up rules as they went along in Vegas. Can’t they do that now, too?? The girls learn their fate first, and Kayla looks like she’s about to burst into tears. The judges tell Caitlyn she had great control, Ashley didn’t do enough for her solo, and that Kayla’s solo was too crowded. Way to get all Goldilocks about it, judges! Ashley goes home, and I think that’s the right call.

Nigel tells Jason his solo is the best one on the show to date, and he’s safe. Kupono is told that he had no substance, but they like that he’s a different, intelligent dancer. His breathing is really labored. I’m kind of concerned he’s about to flip out. Max is told that he’s the hardest worker, but the person leaving us is…Max. WHAT??? That is BS!!!! He did a great job last night! And they are such a good couple!!! Oh, I am miffed.

Until next week, y’all!!! I’m hoping for some justice in this world!!!

You Can See Me Knockin' while I'm Kickin' Down the Door: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #8

2009-06-22T20:57:00.000-04:00

Week two opens with our adorable Cat, who is wearing what looks like a red dust skirt wrapped around her like a toga. Bad wardrobe department! BAD!!! The dancers perform their eight counts. Oscar’s was way better than her dance for her life from last week; she needs to do more of that, and less of the Drunken Riverdance imitation. Giggle: Cat asks “I know you can’t look surprised any more, Mary; do you have any more revelations for us?”, and informs her that all of her girlfriends agreed that they loved Mary all the more after the Botox confession. I concur! Live out loud, Mary Murphy!

Our guest judge is Lil’ C. I can tell you right now that I’m going to be doing a loooooot of paraphrasing and guessing of his meaning. Most of the time, I don’t understand why he’s chosen certain words or the order in which he’s put them. Oooh! I want to create an iPhone app that will translate English into Lil’ C speak. “I would like some coffee” will be “The essence of miracle flows, energy compression feeding and hot warm. It was buuuuck. “ C tells us that he practiced critiquing while watching last week’s show. That’s the kind of dedication I like!

Our first couple is Evan and Randi. This week, each partner will reveal “the one fact America should know” about the other. Evan shares Randi’s perfectly reasonable adoration of her dog. He notes that she treats it like a person, and even calls to talk to it on speaker phone. I would totally do that if I were away from my Maximums! Grrr, Evan, you best not be implying that this is outlandish behavior! Randi shares that Evan is a “gear head “who built his own car from scratch. Really?? That is impressive. They are shaking their tailfeathers with Louis by doing the jive. Randi is excited to be able to show their dorky side. I like dorks, so I should like this. They perform well, I think. Evan does a fabulous split leap over her. They are cute. Lil C wants Evan to be a little more explosive, and calls Randi a firecracker. He likes it. The fun meter gets back up to 15. Mary calls them little powerhouses that are built for the jive; she found Evan was sloppy, but Randi was great. Nigel basically concurs.

Commercials, and oh my gosh. What is this “More to Love” show? Are you kidding me? Just when you think Fox has hit the nadir, down they go…

So Melissa has been married for four years, and her sister married her husband’s brother. I will bet good money right now that they swing. You know I’m right!! Ade’s fact is that his name is crazy long and hard to pronounce. Snooze. When they learn they are doing jazz this week, they say they are excited “unless it’s with Sonya, then we’re going to die. “ So of course it’s with Sonya. Both Melissa and Sonya seem concerned that Melissa will not be able to abandon her ballet training enough to perform the dance the way Sonya intends. They perform, and I like it. They have a more controlled style than Sonya probably wanted, but with the jerky choreography, it actually really worked. Lil’ C calls it buck—his highest compliment, and Ade and Melissa do a three way chest bump with Cat. LOVE! Mary says it's time for tough love… because it’s TOUGH to find anything she didn’t LOVE about it. You had me, Mary Murphy!! (Shakes fist at TV). Sonya is wearing these magnificent huge feather earrings. My god, where do they find these things?!?!?

Caitlyn and Jason. Jason’s fact is that he was obsessed with Michael Jackson as a child; grainy video confirms. Caitlyn uses baby voices and also does an amazing (and grating) imitation of a velocoraptor. This week they are dancing a Shane Sparks hip hop routine. They giggle about how this has to be sexy. Y’all made out last week!! This should be nothing new! I think the performance lacks energy, although Caitlyn seems to be channeling young Britney Spears. Lil C says he didn’t love it; he thought it was missing “nectar”. Mary says it was like Britney and Michael Jackson—two totally different dance types. She didn’t like that it wasn’t synchronized when it should have been. Nigel says that he thinks the dancers captured what Shane intended, and that they looked good, and he liked it. Whatevs, Nigel, we all know you’re a sucker for the cute blondes!

Jeanette and Brandon. America needs to know that Jeanette has bad teeth? Really? Apparently America needs to know that Brandon has never worked out a day in his life. (My hubby calls BS on this). This week they are doing disco!!! Oh, I think they will be good! They have issues in rehearsal. This means nothing; they alllways show it looking like a disaster in rehearsal, and it allllways turns out well. We’re onto you, producers! They perform, and wow, this is fast. !!! I LOVE IT!!!! It’s full of spectacular lifts and spins. They look like they are having so much fun!!! Now I want to dance too!! Lil ‘C says some crazy Lil’ C thing—I have no idea-- but says he found it extremely amazing, and fully praises the dancers. Oh, I didn’t even notice that Jeanette tripped! Mary says she’s never seen a disco done that fast, and declares that they nailed it. She stands up and whoos, and I feel like a train is coming, but she stops short of that. Boo. Also, she brings back the “Not” jokes, which I think is very ill advised. Nigel says if he could scream like that, he would. He thought it was tremendous. He also warns Brandon that Mia is choreographing the group dance tomorrow. I read that there was actually a LOT more drama regarding Brandon than was shown, so…this should be interesting.

Oscar makes spit bubbles. Vitolio is obsessed with motorcycles. They recap their disappointing bottom three finish. We see a clip of Oscar’s rabid raccoon shake (love, it, Hil!) and Vitolio’s Alvin Aileyesque solo. Louis has choreographed a waltz that is full of pain, and was inspired by Vitolio’s story. Vitolio cries during rehearsal. From the opening move, I like it, and Oscar begins to redeem herself in my eyes. It’s so fluid it’s like they are swimming, but that could also be the effect of the Enya music, blue lighting and costumes, and bubble water kind of background. Mary is breathless. Ooooh she’s crying!!!! Oh now Vitolio is crying! Now I’m crying, dammit! Lil’ C says that the choppy steps were “Compensated for” by the authenticity. Nigel says they both brought a quality to the routine rarely performed on this show, and declares them a different couple than last week.

Up next is the couple to beat: Kayla and Max. They discuss how they got great critiques last week, but that adds pressure this week. Their choreographer is Brian Friedman, who is back on the show. Yay! We learn their interesting facts; Max is a housewife, and Kayla is a master texter. Eh. They rehearse; the premise of the dance is that she’s a princess, and he’s coming to dance for her, but he really wants her throne. They perform, and… it is AMAZING!!!! I love every single second of it. Cat calls Max a “low down dirty rotten rat from ratville on the way to rat town”, in the most loving manner possible. The judges adore the routine, but are more effusive in their praise of Kayla than Max. I think he deserves more credit—he did really well this week!

Karla and Jonathan. America needs to know that Karla is a bad ass hip hop dancer. She’s a member of the boggiebops (?), which apparently is a really good dance crew. Jonathan is a singer, and a bad one at that. This week they are performing contemporary with Stacy Tookey. I have no idea who this is. Rehearsal footage shows them falling all over the place; again, we can be pretty sure this won’t happen during the performance. They perform, and it’s danced well, but I found it a bit snores. The judges totally disagree with me. Mary says Jonathan did that style better than his own; something she’s never said on this show. She declares it amazing, and says she’s dizzy. Oh and this Stacy woman is apparently the best choreographer from SYTYCD-Canada. Nigel declares it “incredible, how they both performed”. Lil c thought it was beautiful, and declares it buck. I apparently just didn’t get it.

Philip is an engineering physics major who had 40 reptiles in his room growing up. Jeanine has a teddy bear that she loves, and dresses to match her outfits. At 18…? Someone needs to get her a tiny dog. Anyway, they are doing the tango. Choreographer Tony is surprised by their lack of ballroom knowledge. Why he’s surprised, I don’t know. Why would you assume that every dancer is well versed in every type of dance? During rehearsal Phillip gets kicked in the family jewels. Yikes! Tony whispers to the camera that he’s nervous; Jeanine shrieks “WE CAN HEAR YOU!!!!” I find the performance moderately entertaining. The judges don’t really love. Lil’ C tell Phillip “A lack of confidence is the heaviest anchor you can put upon your art.” I think. Mary says it wasn’t great. We get a replay of Phillip grimacing when he tries to lift his partner. It makes me laugh. Nigel says it wasn’t good technically, but it was great entertainment.

Ashley and Kupono. Kupono has ODC. Ashley projectile vomited over her first grade classmates. Really folks, you should at least try and censor the information that you put out there! They too are doing a Shane Sparks routine. They have been so lucky! Wade AND Shane!?!?! They perform to the Black Eyed Peas—is SYTYCD contractually obligated to use a Black Eyed Peas song once a show? Because they seriously do. During the fast part of the routine, it’s impossible to tell if they are in synch because the camera is zooming and looming and ahhh! STAY STILL CAMERA! Mary says it was just okay. Lil C says Kupono struggled, and Ashley couldn’t mirror, and there was no synchronization. At least someone could tell! Nigel states that he was underwhelmed.

Lastly, a HUGE thank you to all of you for indulging me in this! I decided to write these because my very good friend, co-worker, and SYTYCD enthusiast went on maternity leave, and I was left with no one with whom I could discuss this fantastic show. I decided to post the first one on FB so she could easily read it, and was so excited to find so many fellow fans! I love all of the discussion, so… thank you!!! My predictions for the bottom three are: Ashley and Kupono, Karla and Jonathan, and Melissa and Ade. It's getting hard--they are all good! Thoughts?

You're so 2000 and Late: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #7

2009-06-22T20:56:00.000-04:00

Our opening number! I don’t think I’m deep enough to understand the artistic vision of this Shane Sparks routine. The dimly lit stage is littered with trash. Dancers dressed as hobos carry signs that say “will dance for food”, beg the cameras for money, and pretend to be cold. Then five guys in shiny jackets burst in and perform a hip hop routine, as the hobo dancers crawl toward them. They blow green glitter on the hobos, who then turn into futuristic Laker Girls of the Thunderdome (I guess?), complete with panda eyeliner. Apparently Caitlin is their leader. They are dancing to “Boom Boom Pow”, a song that makes a clear reference to 2008, so maybe it’s not supposed to be futuristic. Was this the style last year? If so, J. Crew has a long way to go to catch up; I saw no such garments next to my madras skirts or Jackie cardigans, I can tell you that. Now I can’t even tell what’s going on because the camera guys are apparently on crack, for all of their running around and jiggling and whatnot. I hate that the cameras are always on the move or zooming in on someone’s fingernail or something, and I can’t see the actual dance. I can’t imagine that’s how the choreographers envisioned these dances would be viewed! When I am president of the world, my first order of business will be to require at least one stationary camera present during SYTYCD filming.

We get to see how the partners got along for their first week together. Chicken noises and sweat discussions ensue.

The first three couples to learn their fate: Kayla and Max, Phillip and Jeanine, and Evan and Randi. I refuse to believe that any of these couples are in danger. Kayla and Max are sent to safety first, followed by Randi and Evan. Phillip and Jeanine assume they are in the bottom three and look dismayed, but Cat announces they are safe as well. They freak out cutely, and then clean up the cards that Cat threw in the air after announcing their results. I actually really like that they were thoughtful enough to pick them up and offer them back to Cat. It’s the little things!

The next four couples are up. During Jason and Caitlyn’s recap, we get to see Mary’s “I’m so happy that Bollywood came to Hollywood, yes I am!” screech from last night. I know her shtick wears thin with some people, but I love me Mary Murphyisms. BTW, that was quite a smooch Caitlyn and Jason had at the end of that dance! They are safe, as are Melissa and Ade. Kupono is rocking this yellow fur half scarf that matches his socks. I don’t want him to be in the bottom three, but I do want to see what kind of dance can be performed while wearing eight thousand necklaces and high top Converse. I won’t find out tonight, because Kupono and Ashley are safe; Paris and Tony are the couple in danger.

Our last three couples are up next. They recap Jeanette and Brandon’s foxtrot. It was really nice; I wish I could have seen this through last night’s flood warning announcement! Asuka, Vitolio, Jonathan, and Karla round out our bottom three couples. And must DANCE FOR THEIR LIVES!

While they prepare, we have the first in a series of dances that will be performed on the show, highlighting different styles of dance. Tonight is a tango performed by Miriam Larici and Leonardo Barrioneuvo. Google tells me they are pretty much the world’s best tangoists (is that a word?), but is it mandatory to have those looks on their faces? Leonardo looks like he’s just discovered a life form and he’s half amazed, half terrified. Miriam looks sleepy.

Dances for lives! Paris is eh. She’s not a bad dancer, but I don’t understand how she stood out in Vegas at all. Also, I hate that the audience screams the countdown of the last ten seconds of the solos. So disconcerting! Tony comes out and I am not impressed. Honestly, I think I pretty much do this dance myself after a few drinks . Auska looks and performs like a drunk, washed up can-can dancer; I think her solo is terrible. Vitolio displays the power, huge leaps and great turning that he showed during auditions. Karla does the best of the three female dancers, I think. Jonathan does a great job too, and may rival Shawn Johnson in terms of gymnastic prowess. Hmm. I could have sworn Karla and Jonathan would go home tonight; I think I was wrong.

As the judges deliberate, Sean Kingston performs. See those backup dancers, contestants? One day, all of that will be yours.

The judges reach their verdict, and Tony and Paris are sent home. I’m sort of surprised, because they seemed so intent on Tony making the top 20. I was sure they wanted him on tour. I can’t wait for next week! I’m praying Toni Basil makes an appearance as a guest judge.

If it's not rough, it isn't fun: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #6

2009-06-22T20:54:00.000-04:00

The top 20 perform, finally! I’ve consumed nothing but cupcakes and wine in the last twelve hours, so I’m feeling super punchy and a bit charitable, y’all. I expect to throw my back out trying to tipsily learn some of these moves tonight. Anywho, the top 20 remind us of their skill by performing mini solos. Or they just annoy us; Melissa takes half of her fifteen seconds to do that “I’m naughty” finger suck thing, and busts out some odd grande plie. That’s the best you’ve got?

Cat introduces and does that talk out of one half of the mouth that Alicia Silverstone did in clueless. Some people can pull this off and look cute, and some people try it and look like they’re still numb from dental work. Cat falls in the former category, of course, because she is adorable.

Adam is our guest judge; yay! I heart him. I love how genuine he is with his praise, or disappointment of behalf of the dancers. He talks about how he’s producing three movies right now; one of which is “Step Up 3D”. Katee, Twitch and Joshua from last season are in it, so…you know where I’ll be whenever this comes out.

Our first couple is Jeanine and Phillip. Interesting pairing…a Hoku with a Britney. Lucky Jeanine! Tabitha and Napoleon are the choreographers. I really like Phillip, so I hope this goes well. Oooh! The dance reminds me a lot of the Chelsie and Mark “Bleeding Love” piece from last year, which is a good thing. They totally nail it. The dance ends with them cuddling on the floor, and Cat has to tell them to stop “shnecking”. Hee! Adam calls it un-freaking-real. Mary fakes disappointment, then screams her head off. It scares my dog. Nigel notes that Jeanine really held her own with Phillip, which certainly was a challenge.

Asuka and Vitolio are up next, and Tasty Oreo is the choreographer. The premise is that they are filming a silent movie. I thought it was fine and danced well, but I don’t think Vitolio brought the energy that I expected. His jumps barely made it off the ground, and I know he can do better. The judges concur that it was good, but too safe. If you can’t garner a scream from Mary on the first performance night, you know you’re in trouble.

Karla and Jonathan. Before they even dance, I’m predicting that they will be in the bottom three. They are doing a strobe light enhanced cha-cha to Poker Face. They dance and I think he’s good, but I don’t like his facials. She’s fine. I thought it was good, not great. The judges are more enthusiastic than I am. Mary makes Jonathan’s wish come true by screaming for them.

Randi and Evan! They are doing a jazz piece by Tasty. It’s a passionate piece, and Evan worries aloud about not knowing how big Randi’s husband is, and apologizes in advance. They perform, and this dance has an energy that I love. I don’t think it’s danced as cleanly as the others, but I like the entertainment value. Mary does more screaming. I like it when she punctuates things with “yes you do” and “yes you did!’. I wish I could provide feedback to people at work in the same manner; it would make performance reviews so much more interesting. “You NAILED that forecast YES YOU DID! WHOOOO!!! WHOOOOO! HERE COMES THE TRAIN!” Once again, Mary’s hollering frightens my dog. Cat calls them the cutest little couple and tells them she just wants to pick them up and put them in her pocket. This is like the millionth reference to their height. How stumpy are these people?

Paris and Tony. They are doing a NappyTabs piece. Tony shows difficulty maintaining a “stank face” during rehearsal. Honey, just look back on footage featuring Mary's leather fringe vest from the Denver auditions, and you will have no problem making a stank face. They perform, and honestly, I think it’s just eh. I felt like Paris with her pigtails and smile was way too perky for this type of dance. Adam gives it an “I thought you did well, but…” Mary and Nigel found it forgettable. I think Tony’s built in fan base may keep them out of the bottom three, but I think they’re in danger tonight.

Caitlyn and Jason. They are doing Bollywood oh YAY! Kaytee and Joshua’s Bollywood piece last season was one of my favorite dances of all time. By the look of the rehearsal, it looks like it’s going to be great. Caitlyn cutely jokes about her lack of finger muscles. They perform, and I love it love it. It's way more complicated that last year’s piece, and requires Caitlin to hold a handstand in various positions forEVER. Critique time; Adam jumps up and screams “YOU GUYS ROCK!” They so did. Mary and Nigel love it as well.

Jeanette and Brandon are doing the foxtrot. HEY! This looks nothing like the foxtrot Valentino taught my hubby and me for the first dance for our wedding! We got cheated! Oh, and now there’s a flood warning going across my screen and I can barely see the dance. From what I can see it looks really nice. They do some crazy lift spin at the end—always good to end with a punch. The judges weigh in, and OMG!!!! HAHA So Cat asks Mary to give us an eyebrow (her former signature move) and give us the verdict, and Mary replies “I can’t, because of the Botox!” Hahaha! The dancers double over laughing, and Jeanette becomes my favorite dancer because she does this flawless imitation of Mary’s mask face. Mary screams her head off and hollers “I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT!!!!” Honey, it was no secret. I miss her facial expressions, though! She also screams that if people can’t see Brandon’s greatness, THEY’RE CRAZY! THEY ARE CRAZY!!!” My dog gives a little growl as Mary’s shrieking disturbs his nap.

Ashley and Kupono are dancing a Wade Robson piece. He’s back this season? Did America’s Best Dance Crew not work out so well for him last summer? I’m predisposed to like this couple because Kupono reminds me SO much of a friend from college with whom I lost touch, and miss. The dance is…crazy. They are crash test dummies in love, and they have a dog? And the dancers are painted white. It’s wacky, but danced well. The judges praise the dancing and acknowledge that choreography is going to be either loved or hated. You can tell they are trying to be polite; they call Wade a genius, and say that at least this piece is memorable, and will be discussed. Wade seems to give credit to a woman whom I assume is his Yoko Ono. Did she choreograph the piece? If so, that’s crap!

Before we go to commercial we see more of Melissa naughtily biting her finger. What is that? I am so done with her!

Melissa and Ade. Ade has amazing jumps and attends a college I’ve never heard of. The choreographer is Mandy Moore...eh. She seems nice enough, but I find her dances kind of trite and cheesy. Also, she will only use adult contemporary music produced from 1983-1988. Rehearsal footage shows Melissa saying she likes the naughty twister in the choreography. Okay, please beat us over the head with this some more. You’re naughty. We get it. They perform, and the song is by….Richard Marx? Of course. Only Mandy. When will she do one to Huey Lewis and the News? I actually like the dance, and thought it was performed really well. Also, there is a wind machine. The dance made Adam cry, aww! Mary screams her head off again. Nigel loves.

Our last couple, Kayla and Max! They are doing a samba, which is great for Max, the Russian Latin ballroom dancer. They are dancing to this fabulous House of Gypsies song that I must download. If the rehearsal is any indication, they are going to be incredible. And they are! I actually got chills while watching it. Holy effing crap this is the best dance EVER! I wish I could swish my hips like Max. If Mary doesn’t put them on the hot tamale train then there is no justice in the world, and the HTT will lose all meaning it ever had for me. They bust out this fabulous move that requires Kayla to leap on Max, wrap her legs around his waist, and they both do the shimmy. I hope my husband is prepared for me to pounce on him in a similar fashion early and often, because I MUST add this to my movement vocabulary. It would be a hit at weddings and picnics. It ends, and Adam is so amazed he apparently has to claw his eyes out. He says that Kayla makes him believe in God; Mary asks for an Amen. And here it comes…Mary says she hears the train, stands up and starts to lose her damn mind. My dog grumpily goes upstairs; my husband comes out of the office and asks what the heck is going on with Mary. It was that loud. Mary puts them aboard the hot tamale train. Nigel calls it extraordinary. And it so was!

So my prediction for the bottom three couples: Karla and Jonathan, Paris and Tony, and Asuka and Vitolio. Your thoughts?

Are you a Britney, Christina, Mandy or Hoku? So You Think You Can Dance Episode #5

2009-06-22T20:53:00.000-04:00

Our top 20 revealed! The entire episode can be summed up thusly: Contestants pray/cry in the back room, take the “long walk”, face the judges, Mia makes some bitchy comment, Debbie gives verbal hugs, tears of joy or disappointment, awkward walk down the hallway while talking to the camera. I love me some predictions, so here are the top 20 contestants categorized according to a subject dear to my heart: US Weekly regulars. Specifically, the female singers of the new millennium.

The Britneys: The frontrunners. Their stars are shining the brightest. They all have the capacity for spectacular failure, though, so we’ll have to stay tuned to see if they encounter their SYTYCD K-Fed.

The Christinas: They have talent to spare, but they don’t get noticed like the Britneys do. They may go through a series of identity crises, but their talent is always solid.

The Mandys: They are desperately trying to claw their way to Britney status. Marginally talented, relatively cute, but they lack super duper star power.

The Hokus: Who? Exactly. The bottom tier of the girls. Maybe you had a song on the Legally Blonde soundtrack, but honey, you are going nowhere.

The Britneys are as follows:

1. Kayla with the proud grandparents. Mia tells her she loves male dancers, and admits that it’s rare she connects with a female dancer. But Kayla, you actually impressed the Emmy winning Mia! Mia seems to think her approval is the greatest gift that can be bestowed upon a dancer. I think Kayla is talented and versatile, and all of the judges seem to adore her. I hope we see more of Grandpa!!

2. Brandon. JUDGEFIGHT! Mia says, “I can’t take what you bring to the floor as an artist. It annoys the s@!t out of me. I find there’s attitude inside there underneath that fake smile. They all say you’re amazing, but I don’t get it.” Debbie interrupts this nonsense to say, “Well, I have a real difference of opinion.” They talk over each other; Nigel referees. Lil’ C goes on about how he doesn’t get it and Mary flips her lid, saying, “I do NOT want to sit and listen to this crap!” There is no middle ground on Brandon. Should be interesting!

3. Phillip the popper is told, “he’s what SYTYCD represents. “ The judges tell him that they are impressed that not only does he pop and lock well, but also he has an overall love of dance. He seems so thrilled and genuinely pretty surprised that he got through. I think he’ll work really hard and do well.

4. Evan. It was so sad that both he and Ryan couldn’t go through together. I hope they bring Ryan on to choreograph or something. During the final “yes or no”, Nigel clearly implies that they would like to see Ryan audition next season, so there is hope. I love these guys!!!

5. Tony. The judges say that his lack of training may hurt him, but don’t let that fool you. They love him and his personality, and def. want him on the tour.

The Christinas:

1. Kupono with the crazy hair from Seattle. The hair has been shaved, but he has a stupid spot of hair on his chin that bothers me. He also has a list of things he needs to accomplish during the day, which is contains things like “breathe” and “make the top 20”. Adam fakes him out, but he’s totally through. His to do list amuses the judges.

2. Jeanette is the “hot and spicy” ballroom dancer from Miami. After being told that she made it, she goes into this long whoo ha ha about her problems. Eh.

3. Vitonio, who very much insisted that Miami was “Caliente, Baby” He tells us that this decision is a “ diarrhea moment.” That is waaaay too much information, but it also locks Vitonio in as my favorite contestant. The judges tell him he has to bring his fantastic personality into his dancing. Fine, as long as he leaves out the digestive issues discussing aspect.

4. Randi of the unitards. She will make the top ten because Nigel can’t resist a cute blonde, and Mia doesn’t loathe her. Mia tells her that she needs to be committed to her artistry like she’s committed to her unitards. Randi is so happy she can’t speak, which Debbie recognizes and communicates. Y’all, I love Debbie. I kind of want her to be my mom.

5. Asuka the Asian Latin ballroom dancer. She was an early favorite, and her dancing is no joke. But she lacks the huge personality of the Britneys, from what we’ve seen.

6. Caitlin Kenny. I deliberated between Christina and Britney for Caitlin. I think the judges like her, and she’s really good, and she proved to be a fighter when she had to dance for her life.

The Mandys:

1. Paris. We met Miss Washington during the first auditions, and she was briefly highlighted during Vegas week. She seems good, but just kind of there.

2. Melissa, the naughty ballerina. I’m happy to have a ballerina on the show. I worry that she will lack the versatility required to excel. I can’t see her doing well with Lil’ C’s choreography.

3. Max. He was good; and he’s been featured a few times. Also just sort of eh.

4. Jason. He’s been called so “So you think you can dance”. He seems good, but not spectacular. He could be a Christina, though.

5. Ashley. This is her fourth time auditioning for the show, and she finally made it. The judges will love her perseverance. But I had no idea who she was until this episode.

The Hokus:
Karla, Jeanine, Ade, Jonathan. No to all of them. Seriously, y'all should just go home.

Btw, they were going to put Alex Wong through to the top 20, but he can’t participate because he’s still under contract with the Miami Ballet. Alex, I told you so!!!

It's a "No" for me: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #4

2009-06-22T20:52:00.000-04:00

Vegas week! We’re spending the week at the Planet Hollywood casino. Seriously? Do Planet Hollywood restaurants exist anymore? If they do, has anyone eaten at one since the early 1990’s?

I do like that they always call this the search for America’s favorite dancer, as opposed to America’s BEST dancer. Because let’s be honest—that person’s probably hanging out with their co-workers at the New York City Ballet. The best these guys can hope for is to end up on Dancing with the Stars (which would totally rock), or as the backup dancer for Lady Gaga (also fabulous).

Speaking of backup dancers, there is a rumor out there that I was a backup dancer for Britney Spears. This rumor once made it into the William & Mary Alumni magazine in the “class notes” section. I will neither confirm nor deny this piece of information. But I will address the rumor that I was an NFL cheerleader. That is false.

Nigel’s hair looks pretty good! Mary’s face is now both frozen and puffy. I can’t give her too much crap about that because I can guarantee y’all that there will be a point in my life when I will look at the mirror, freak the hell out, and run to my nearest plastic surgeon or dermatologist. Actually, that look in the mirror may have happened this morning. Wrinkles AND pimples, really? Sigh. I digress.

All 173 dancers perform solos to remind the judges who they are. That must have been the longest day of the judge’s life. Watching 173 solos? I don’t care how good they are, I’d be ready to claw my eyes out.

Up first is Alex Wong, a dancer with the Miami City Ballet. He doesn’t have a contract that would forbid this kind of thing? Good God, this boy is ripped. He dancers divinely. Mia’s jaw drops. My jaw drops. Brandon’s got some serious competition! They don’t give official feedback, but you can tell the judges are smitten. The rest of the contestants freak out, as well they should.

Tony wears a suit and performs to that “Somebody’s watching me” song from the Geico commercials, with pictures of Nigel standing in for the googly eyed dollar bills. It’s a fun routine, but there wasn’t much actual dancing. Better step it up!

Nigel says that collectively, “You’re not as good as we thought you were”. Ouch!! I would be cranky too, though, after 173 solos. For this first cut, if just one judge wants a dancer to stay, they are safe. The judges cut 45 people from this round. They aren’t messing around!

The hip hop round is first, and Tabitha and Napoleon have choreographed a dance to Boom Boom Pow. Gabby, the quirky bird-like dancer with rheumatoid arthritis, is a disaster. Oooh! Mia’s quote of the day: “I love cutting, because I like seeing people who aren’t good at what they do go home.” Damn, woman! I have to be honest, I do not love Mia. I used to love her choreography, but I feel like that’s taking a turn to the pretentious. Example #1: That ghastly Clockwork Orange meets Barnum and Bailey dance from last year. Egh! Anywho, the judges tell Gabby she was terrible, but they liked her solo, so she gets another chance. Whatevs! I could’ve told them she was a one trick pony back in the beginning. I need to be a judge on this show.

Someone who got cut says “Excuses are the tools of the incompetent, and I will not use them.” I will! I love me some excuses. I feel like my ability to justify anything is a talent! Another reject doesn’t know what year it is. Um….I suppose he did just spend hours dancing to a song with the brilliant lyrics “I’m so 2008; you’re so 2000 and LATE”, so that could be confusing. Also, Black Eyed Peas—if you’re going to use lyrics like that, you probably shouldn’t release the song in…2009. Because now YOU’RE 2000 and late. Just sayin’.

They send half of the contestants home on the first day? Yikes!

Day two begins with a Jean-Marc and France waltz. I love them, even if they have a propensity to choreograph to songs by Celine Dion and American Idol finalists. I still think the Twitchington tribute to their daughter last year was amazing, even if Mia did slam Kerrington for being too pretty. Grrr Mia.

Commercials tease that Natalie or Brandon might go home. OMG... if Brandon goes home I will lose all faith in humanity.

Now it’s time for jazz with Sonya. Get your crazy hats on! Oh, and they are focusing on Brandon and Natalie!!! We get to see their auditions again, which is all kinds of great, because Brandon’s was a work of art. Sonya actually asks Brandon and Natalie to demonstrate to the dancers what she wants out of her choreography. Thinking they will get through this round.

But when the actual auditions roll around, Natalie is just not good. . It was odd. Oh my god—they cut her!!! I didn’t think she was THAT bad—I’m kind of shocked. They didn’t even ask her to dance for her life? This is crazy. Nigel and Sonya hug her. Oh no….she seems heartbroken because she feels like she let the judges down. Brandon is crying, and the rest of the dancers kind of freak out because they feel like nobody is safe. Boo.

Lil’ C tells Brandon that he’s not impressed, and Mia agrees with him. She says that she’s heard he’s brilliant, and she hasn’t seen it, and she’s disappointed. I’ve decided that Mia hates all that is good in the world. She probably kicks puppies as a second hobby. Nigel says he does think he’s brilliant, he thinks everything he’s done is fantastic, and he thinks he’s one of the best dancers they’ve had. Oh man. Brandon is weeping all over the place.

Gabby is still a mess. Lil’ C just keeps muttering “it’s bad, so bad…” and kind of rocks to console himself. Nigel holds his head and wails “it’s nothing, it’s nothing!” People, get a grip on yourselves!!! Debbie Allen tells Gabby she’s breaking her heart; her solo is amazing, and she’s such a disappointment, and it hurts them to be so wrong. They ask her to dance for her life, but she has to get at least three votes from the judges. Her solo is wonderful. Mia is crying and calls her a gem. Mia seems a little unstable right now, y’all. Someone slip her some lithium bicarbonate. Lil’C calls it buck. Mary is wearing some crazy puffed sleeve thing that nobody over the age of 26 should wear. I can’t remember what she thought about the dance.

At the end of the day, the 73 remaining learn that they have to break into groups, grab a random CD, and choreograph a routine to it during the night. Oh….I hate this part of the auditions. It’s so pointless. What does being able to choreograph a dance with your peers while being deprived of sleep have anything to do with this competition? There’s always some group that’s fighting or mad that someone went to bed, and it’s generally just a waste of time.

Why are all of these girl contestants sporting messy Mohawks like Mia’s. Is this the new trend? I am not a fan.

Group Choreography: First group is a disaster. Silky the tapper is asked to dance for his life. One of the many Mohawk girls goes home. Adam calls something “so convention 101 barf.” I have no idea what that means, but Adam said it, so I assume it’s the gospel truth. The judges hate all of the choreography and dancing. What do they expect? I hate it too! Only five got cut in that round. Was it really worth it??

Oh man. Now they have to do Mia’s chorography on no sleep. Favorites get slashed, including Naboya the Japanese popper, the future Laker girl, and Tony has to dance for his life. We get a sibling update; the sister with the curly hair from Miami (Megan) is safe. Her sister Caitlyn seems to forget the choreography, and is asked to dance for her life right then. Her solo is really good, I thought, but they call it “old fashioned”. Nigel tells her to bring her dancing up to date. Mia hates her, of course, because Mia hates all conventionally pretty girls.

Evan and Ryan—the tapping brothers. Oh, I love them! Ryan is first; Mary calls him adorable and tells him he nailed it; he’s through to next round. Evan is also great; however, Mia makes him “flea hop” off the stage. Have some self respect, Evan!!!

My satellite is going out with these storms. Boo!!

Tony does okay the second time around. He’s crying. The piano of pain plays. Debbie says he let them down, and gives a long speech, but he goes through, and the just breaks right down on the stage. Cat hugs him and says “I love it when fully grown men cry” and laughs right in his face while he’s crying. She does this cutely, though. She is such a good host.

Final day! Tasty Oreo’s choreographing to West Side story. AAAAHHHH LOVE!

The girls are dancing to “America”. I am thrilled about this, as it’s my favorite song from one of my favorite musicals. One of my great regrets in life is not having an opportunity to perform in West Side Story. I must save this eppy on my DVR so I can learn this dance.

Whoa…Fantasia Barrino is trying out??? Oooh no, it’s that girl tapper, Bianca. Holy crap, they could be twins. She doesn’t make it past this round; nor does Gabby or Sister Megan. It’s about frickin’ time they cut Gabby. They’ve hated her every round! Sister Megan seems a little bitter that she got cut, but that her sister made it through. My husband has a theory that Megan wasn’t the cute sister, but that dancing was her thing. And now Caitlin comes along, and has only been dancing for five years, and goes farther than she does in the competition. I think this is an excellent theory. They cut it down to 16 girls.

The boys are next, and are cut down to 16 as well. Brandon, Phillip, and Tony make it.

Montage of the top 32 solos. Do we not get to see those!?! They skip right over to it, and start talking about the dramatic reveal of the top 20. Which we will learn about—tomorrow!

Cue Music: So You Think You Can Dance Episode #3

2009-06-22T13:36:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the city of angels. Oh lordy. By the look of the hideous scarf wrapped around Cat’s neck like a bib from Red Lobster, it appears that Mary’s stylist has found another victim. This criminal must be stopped!

Our guest judge is Adam!!! He choreographed the movie “Hairspray”, among others. He’s a very animated and amusing judge, so I’m excited to see him. Some of last year’s top 20 contestants are in the audience as well.

First up is Bianca, who tried out last year, and almost made it to the top 20. She’s a tap dancer. I have to say, SYTYCD has a super high number of people who audition repeatedly, esp. those who made it to the final cut in previous seasons. How heartbreaking will it be for them if they don’t make it onto the show again? Bianca wows the judges, and it’s Vegas again for her.

Xavier and Brynelle are siblings, and they are CREEP-PAY! During their pre-audition interview, they discuss with pride how they always hold hands, go everywhere together, and are so close that their friends call them girlfriend and boyfriend. Their audition piece is very passionate, but not danced well. Mary asks “Are they brother and sister?” Adam confirms that they are, and all of the judges (well…Mary as best she can with botox face) look horrified. I’m sure my face mirrors their expression. My husband actually had to turn away, it was so ew to watch. If the CIA is looking for a new way to make detainees uncomfortable now that waterboarding is out, I would highly recommend that they use this footage.

Debra does a dance about pain, and searching, and reaching. It is not good, and not just because she doesn’t have the typical dancer physique. I like that the judges give her constructive feedback about what type of movement would work best for her body. She stays classy and thanks them.

Suzanne performs what she calls a “fairy medicine dance”. Nigel asks what she’s on, and she replies “joy”. I don’t think I’ve heard crack called that before, but okay.

More LA trainwrecks; some guy in clown makeup, another guy dancing en pointe to Rhianna. Judges grimace.

Calico the swing dancer shows us her stuff. Her dancing is nothing special, but she’s smiling and really seems to enjoy herself. It’s a no for Calico, but Adam offhandedly says “I’d love to dance with you”. Calico beckons him up to the stage, and Nigel insists that he go. Adam’s like “um…really?”, but up he goes. Like all of the other contestants, they display Adam’s biographical information on the screen, complete with “Age: 21ish”. Heh. He steps up to the mic to receive his feedback, and the judges invite the old contestants to critique him in their place. He then performs a pitch perfect imitation of the contestants who are put through to Vegas. This was an amusing diversion.

Ricky and Asuka are an international latin ballroom couple; Asuka made it to the final round last year, but didn’t make the top 20. Again with that? They are fantastic; Adam recommends that Ricky push Asuka down a flight of stairs, because it’s so hard not to watch her. Hee—I heart Adam. He would be the world’s best dinner guest. They both go through to Vegas.

Nathan is the last audition of the day. He almost gave up dancing because he was tired of being mocked. He is amazing, his turns are unbelieveable, and he’s one of those people that aren’t just technically good, but captivating to watch. There’s a big difference. But he’s only 17, and you have to be 18 to compete. Nigel gives him a ticket to Vegas, but for the next season. Can you do that? I guess if you’re the executive producer, you can do anything you want.

Day two!Sammy’s a popper who is rocking a red Mohawk. He chats with Cat about how he’s a dancer, but also used to wrestle. Cat excitedly takes this opportunity to demonstrate her “The Rock” move, which actually looks more like she’s super constipated. This is why I love Cat. Sammy performs some crazy hair choreography that the judges love, he goes through to choreography, and ultimately to Vegas.

Stacey is dressed in 80’s attire, and OMG she is TOTALLY copying my “Fan of the Game” dance!!!!! I gots to copyright my nonsense. She does not go through. Harumph. The judges clearly do not recognize brilliance when they see it!!

Amanda Kirby is next. We see her with her family at home; her dad has MS. She’s crying; he’s tearing up and says seeing her dance is inspirational. Sigh. I’m sorry if I sound like a jerk--these stories are def. sad, but it's always the same: sad story, people cry, they dance well, they go to Vegas. We all have problems, sister! Her audition is good; she does some sexy move and Nigel gets all letch like he does and eww—I HATE it when he does that. But I think I know why his grin creeps me out now—his teeth are way too big for his mouth!!! Same with Simon Cowell. Neither of them have teeth that look any kind of natural. I know they are veneers and all, but still. I bet they went to the same dentist. He needs to drink more coffee and stain ‘em up. Anyway,she’s good, and she’s really pretty, and she’s through to Vegas. I don’t see her making the top 20, but she would be a great Laker girl.

Phillip auditioned last year, but got pneumonia, and couldn’t go to Vegas. He’s back, and as he’s warming up, Nigel pulls him out and gives him a ticket to Vegas. But he’s not done, because he’s auditioning with Arielle, whom he met last year. We begin their interview, and oooh—the piano of pain is playing. Sigh. Here comes the tough luck story. Welcome to Vegas, Arielle! Family was in a horrible car wreck; Phillip drove her to the hospital to visit her mom. Momma then taught Phillip how to partner from her wheelchair. Their audition is really cute; they manage to combine his popping and her contemporary into a great routine. She makes it through to Vegas—obviously.

Kevin “Shakiro” is excited to show the judges his style of Latin dancing. He is wearing a plaid shirt and white Levi’s that are way too tight on his not slender frame. OH MY GOD camera man PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD stop zooming is on this guy’s crotch!!!! Ugh! The judges note that he wasn’t dancing, he was just shaking. But like they do, they encourage him to keep dancing if he loves it, even if he’s not meant to be a professional. That’s fine, as long as I’m not subjected to staring at his crotch wiggling in all its HD glory on my TV screen.

I’m super tired the song they dance to in choreography. “nobody nobody nobody…”

We’re in Seattle now. The intro song is that “apple bottom jeans and boots wit the fur” song. Really? This is not Oakland. And our guest judge? Is Mia!!!! Oooh, y’alls in trouble! Mia is an amazing choreographer. She does not suffer fools gladly. And she will rip your head off if she doesn’t like you. Previews show her telling some poor soul “that was the biggest piece of s**t I’ve ever seen.” Heh.

First up is Christopher. The judges guffaw during the audition, to the point where Mary is in hysterics. Nigel remarks that his partner, who is not competing, is the sensible one. It’s all kinds of awkward.

Nick Nasty, an aspiring tattoo artist, is next. He does a hip hop, break dance type routine. In the beginning he does well, and Mia looks like she just wants to eat him up. But after about a minute he stops, claiming that he can go for five minutes or so, but he ran out of energy. Nigel merely remarks that he didn’t make it two minutes, and asked what happened. Nick gets crazy defensive and amazingly rude. Mary says that he was a yes, but now he’s a no, because of his personality. Mia points out that if he’s this disrespectful to the executive producer, how will he be to the choreographers and other dancers. I hate those people who tell the judges off. Nasty Nick shaves his head, but I will bet you good money he was a redhead!!!

They show a montage of terrible performers. They have yet to send one person through to Vegas on day one. Apparently rainy weather does not inspire good dancing. Ultimatly only four people make it through to Vegas from choreography.

Day two. Nigel begs them to ‘bring something magic”. I beg Nigel’s hairdresser and dentist to do the same.First contestant has some Hawaiian name that I cannot spell, but his nickname is “Porno”. He dances with a chair, and copied Sonya’s haircut. Mia thinks he has “something”; he’s through to choreography.

More people who are good, and go through to choreography.

Oooh, Sex is back! He auditions every year. The judges plead for him not to return.

Leonid from the Ukraine is up next. Omg, I LOVE his accent. He dances like he’s at a rave. Mia says she would love to see a battle with him and Sex. And it’s on! They take up about a quarter of the show with this dance battle, probably because they have no good auditions to show. Vegas week is next! And the previews show Nigel with a decent haircut. About time!!!!

So You Think You Can Dance Episode #2: The Recap

2009-06-22T13:30:00.000-04:00

Today we’re in Miami, where we are told repeatedly and enthusiastically that it’s “Caliente, baby”. Judging by the montage following these proclamations, being caliente inclines folks to plant their feet in a squat and jiggle the rump really fast, because we see about half the people in line bust this move. I think I will incorporate this jiggling into my repertoire; maybe then I’ll win the Washington Nationals “Fan of the Game” contest. (I’m still bitter about my loss last week, y’all. Stinkin’ cute little kid.)

Our guest judge this time is Tice DiOrio (Not “Tasty Oreo”, although that’s exactly how it sounds when you say his name out loud.) I love most of his work, except I think he’s the one who choreographed some crazy cave man dance last year and both dancers who performed it got the boot.

First up is Tony, who is wearing a polo and khakis. He tells us he has the “Tony” style, which involves the grapevine, making licking motions at the camera, and doing some dog-going-#1-move. Sigh. Tony, the goofy guy dancing is so 1999 teen movie. Nigel initially looks quite alarmed during his spirited but terrible audition, Mary laughs, and Tice looks annoyed about the obvious waste of time. The judges critique; Tice belabors the “you were bad” point, and afterwards, preppy Tony proceeds to have an asthma attack or something outside of the theater. Not a good start, caliente Miami!

Pricilla is next, and she redeems her city. From the footage shown during the interview, she’s very good. Tice won’t stop moaning “Oh yeah” during her audition, and it’s very distracting. Good technique, theatrical…Tice is in loooooove. She’s through to Vegas.

Our next ballroom couple auditioned last year; Jeanette made it through to Vegas but got cut; Romulo didn’t make it through at all. What does this year hold? They kick booty!! Lots of fun (and dangerous looking) tricks. Mary screeches and demands that the go to Vegas, and so they do. Yay! I like them.

Twins with hot pink eyeshadow and terrible costumes. That never bodes well. They are not good. Nigel calls it a nightmare; Mary seems speechless, and Tice calls it “tragic, but fun”.

Montage of Tice’s critiques. He points out to one girl that she sniffed her armpit. He tells another guy “if you’re going to do drag, drag it up on the stage and do it right!!!” This is why I love me some Tice!!! But also why after a short time, he annoys the crap out of me.

We shall now be “showizzhammed”, Joseph says. Indeed! He’s got one of those cute popper type routines. Through to choreography. I loved him; I’m such a sucker for this style of dance. They better put him through…and they do!!!! Yay!!!

Cat greets the dancers as they run out with their tickets and celebrates with them. She is so cute! My husband has been told that he’s totally allowed to have a crush on her.

Day two!!

Wislande is a hot mess. That’s all I have to say about her.

Oooh another tapper! Erik “Silky” is tapping to Thriller. Do you know that William and Mary holds the Guinness world record for most people to dance Thriller at one time? Tribe Pride! Anyway, Silky is really good. Oooh. Last week, Peter the tapper challenged the world to a tap duel. Silky would take that guy down!!!

Now we have Miss Washington auditioning. Paris has been doing pageants since she was 10. She’s dancing very well to some effed up version of one of my favorite Britney songs. Why would you not use “Toxic” in its original, brilliant form, Miss Washington?!?!

More good people. They go through.Question: When did it come de rigueur for girls to wear tiny tight shorts and normal shirts out of their closet for dancewear? I get on my knees and thank Jesus every day that was not the trend in my dance class days. My juicy was not built to be stuffed into those shorts, even in my buffest days.

Talia got married at 18, and after four years of marriage, was widowed. They are interviewing her at home, and showing family photos. Just like one plus one make two, sad story plus home video equals Top 20. Congrats, Talia! Audition; she’s just okay, I think so. Her facials are really annoying. Will she be an exception to the rule??? She gets up through to choreography, and makes it through to Vegas. I knew it!!

We’re off to Memphis (but not Graceland, sadly.)Dancers greet us with “welcome to the dirty south, y’all!” What does that even mean!?!? Why is the south always referred to as “dirty”? I think we have enough image issues without propagating this notion.

Lil’ C is our guest judge. He’s a great hip hop choreographer, but his critiques are usually words that don’t belong together but are somehow mushed into a sentence. Except when he calls something “buck”, which was my new favorite adjective last year.

Marico introduces us to Memphis Jukin? Whatever it is, he does it well. He’s the type of dancer who seems capable of mastering any style. The judges love it, and put him through to Vegas. Good for him!

Oh man. I love this next guy. He’s wearing a huge red headband. His second cousin is Howie from the Backstreet Boys, and he learned how to dance from their videos. Oh dear. I think that only ever worked out well for Snowball the Cockatoo. Dustin dances to Lady Gaga, and for a brief and terrifying second, I think he’s going to do a striptease for us. It’s a no for Dustin. Thank the lord!

Ooooh no. Creepy Christopher Corroza, who is a pale white guy with red hair twisted into really long dreadlocks. Okay, if I have a son who is a redhead like his momma, THIS is why I want to dye his hair. I think it’s a hard, cruel world for the redheaded boys out there. I get a lot of dismayed “noooo, that’s not true” when I tell people this. Whatevs! You didn’t suffer through 9th grade English being told “you know that Jack is a devil-like figure, because he’s a redhead” or “please note, Duchess in ‘The Outcasts of Poker Flats’ is a redhead, and therefore a prostitute” (Thanks, Mrs. Flippen!). Critics, I present to you Exhibit A:Chris is wearing denim flamenco pants and a shirt that looks like wallpaper from the 1970’s. He performs his own style called “electric”. Captivating, it is not. He hops around waving his arms. It is painful to watch, particularly because he clearly takes himself so seriously. When the judges try to provide constructive feedback, he bitches (the only word for it) to them that they are being “critical”. They say “yes, we’re judges, that’s what we do”, and he snips some more and marches off the stage before they can finish. I totally blame this deviant behavior on his hair color. Def. whipping out the sun-in, y’all. If Gwen Stefani can dye her kid’s hair (thanks for that insight, US Weekly!), then so can I!

Caitlin is up now; her sister just auditioned in Miami, and got through to Vegas. She performs beautifully. She’s only been dancing for five years? Wow. They stop the music when she is literally in a handstand. Oops. She goes through as well—yay sisters!

We hear Anna’s super sad story about her dad committing suicide. They just don’t share this stuff if the contestant isn’t going through to Vegas, so while it helps us get to know the contestants, it kinda takes the mystery out of it. Also, is it mandatory to have a hard luck story in order to get into this competition? It’s not “So You Think You Can Endure Some Personal Tragedy and Dance”. They put her through to choreography. And of course she goes to Vegas.

Travis is here from Texas. His dad is a Texas high school football coach, and Travis is not a guy’s guy, to put it mildly. His dad loves him to pieces, and it’s so nice to see parents accept their kids for who they are. Since we’re hearing from daddy, I’m pretty sure he’s a yes. He is really good, and when offering feedback, Nigel applauds daddy, too! Good good. He goes to choreography, then to Vegas.

Brothers who tap dance, but are auditioning separately. One will use a whoopee cushion as a prop and his accompaniment. The other made it to the top 40 last season. Evan, the one from last season, gets through to Vegas again. Ryan of the whoopee cushion? Through as well. They are cute.

More twins. Hope they are better than the pink eyeshadow girls! Lauren and Lydia are great, but I think I like the one in blue better. They are both sent to choreography and after a fake out from Nigel, they are both through. What is it with the siblings this year?

Eppy two! I think I was a little more excited about the people we saw last week, particularly Brandon. At this point I’m kind of feeling “seen one amazing ponche, seen ‘em all”. We’ll see what tonight holds!

So You Think You Can Dance, Episode 1

2009-05-24T08:19:00.000-04:00

SYTYCT Episode 1 Finally!!! My absolute favorite reality show on the face of the earth is back.

They show all of the contestants in line, and is that Kirsten Dunst? If so, this is sign #8 that your acting career in the toilet.

The opening montage shows mostly promising dancers, a few obligatory nightmares, Mary screaming her head off, and that Nigel’s hair has actually gotten worse. Who knew that was possible? It’s gone from bad to horrendous. And his smile is still creepy.

New York auditions are first, and they are kicking it Brooklyn style. They try to show dancers being gritty, and yeah…no. Cat, whom I ADORE and want to be my new bff, is still charming as ever, as she dances with the kids in line and does her thing. Tabitha and Napoleon are the guest judges, and we’re treated to glimpses of their fabulous dances from last season.

The first to audition is Gabby, who has rheumatoid arthritis, and is the daughter of a circus performer. OF COURSE she is. She dances pretty much exactly like Hawaiian Mark from last season; complete with that weird bird like quality. She actually “whoops” during her performance, does a butt spin into writhing on the floor, and some odd backwards run thing. But her whoop doesn’t drown out the judges, who feel compelled to go on and on and on about her. Nigel calls it one of the best auditions in five year; Mary hollers like she does. I don’t get it; but she’s through to Vegas. Whatevs. Mia and Sonia will LOVE her.

Now Storyboard K and Hobgoblin, who paint their faces green, introduce us to “mutation”, a new type of dance. They say “Obama wanted change, and we’re bringing change to the dance world.” Eyes rolling. They are weird, and leap on the judges' table, and are put through to choreography. I can tell you right now they can’t do anything else. When choreography starts, they just drop out on their own. Good call, guys.

Now we see “Crazy Kate” clearly violating the under 30 rule—26 my juicy—doing some awful west coast swing. She doesn’t get through, but the judges are kind.

Peter gets all tough and challenges us to a “tap duel”. Boy, you best not be throwing down if you don’t know who you’re messing with! We now see Peter eating spaghetti with his family back home, and talking about how close they are, and you immediately know that he’s going to be in the top 20. Seriously, they aren’t going to waste this much time with someone they aren’t putting through all the way. There is an empty place setting on the table…I’m guessing it’s for the camera guy? If so, how considerate! The family seems nice. His audition goes well; they put him straight through to Vegas.

And now we have the once-a-season display of a dancer with a physical disability auditioning. I am a sucker for this; I always cry. Tiffany’s spine didn’t straighten properly, and the doctors told her parents she wouldn’t make it a day. She tells Cat about how every day, people laugh at her. Seriously? What the hell is wrong with people. It is just not okay to make fun of people with disabilities! Anyway, her audition? Is good! That woman has extension! I like that Nigel critiques her fairly, and give suggestions for improvement. She doesn’t get through, but she does get a standing ovation from everyone.

A bunch of other good people, and now Naboya (sp??), a popper for Tokyo. I heart him; he’s a Japanese version of Twitch. He is charming, goes through to choreography, and ultimately makes it through to Vegas.

Day two brings us Arielle, who auditioned before, but was cut on the last day in Vegas. She does a contemporary piece that involves a lot of grabbing her head like she has a migraine. But she’s good; gets through.

Next couple is terrible. Here’s a hint y’all—when you’re performing a serious piece, and the judges are guffawing, you’re probably not going through.

Now we have some guy dancing very emotionally with an umbrella. He’s fine; and has a sad story about how the umbrella represents his aunt who just died, and he cries, and he’s through to Vegas. He’s very dramatic.

Oooh, some guy just ran up the wall and did a flip! I like me some of that. He goes on to choreography, then Vegas. Good, I really liked him.

Now we’re in Denver. Sonia is our guest judge for this round. Oooooh lordy, this should be interesting. That woman is crazy. The contestants are all apparently “ready to rock the Rockies”. Nigel’s hair looks even WORSE!!!

First up is Kayla. Oooh, we have sad story…and…bingo! Footage of her at home, living with her Mom and grandparents, because dad is “out of the picture.” Welcome to the top 20, Kayla! They scrimped and saved to pay for her dance lessons, and they are all just so proud of her. They have dogs that they seem to adore, so you know these are good people. Kayla dances, and she is really really good. She’s through, and her grandpa? Is BAWLING. Which makes me cry, too. He is sooo proud.

There is a commercial for the movie “Up”, and it looks like the best thing ever. But then again, the commercials for “Hole in the Wall” during SYTYCD last year also made it look like the best thing ever. I think we all know how that turned out.

Back to the show and OH MY GOD! There is this like 80 ft. statue of a bear peering into the windows of the place where auditions are being held. It is bright blue. I must get one of these for my home. Denver just won as “best place in the world” in my book because of this fabulous statue.

What fresh hell is Mary wearing today? She has a red plaid shirt, some leather fringe vest—girl, you gots to get a new stylist, right now.

We now have a montage of female dancers performing well, and Sonia practically having an orgasm over each and every one of them. The montage is set to some song with the lyrics “Hey, I’m in love, my heart is beating like a jungle drum”. On a side note, I think this would be a good running song. Remind me to iTune it later.

Oh, and now we have our first same sex ballroom dancing pair. Nigel? Is not a fan. He’s all “ I think boys should be boys and girls should be girls”. Honey, tell that to your Farrah Fawcett haircut. They both go through to choreography.

We have brothers popping together; they are cute. Oooh, we have footage of them swimming together! They go to choreography, and then get cut? Non-audition footage for someone who doesn’t make it through? This is rocking my world. The lack of a sad story should have warned me.

Last but not least, we have Brandon and Natalie. Natalie was Katie’s roommate from last year; the one who didn’t get picked for the show. And Brandon lost out to Gev in the finals in Vegas. Ooooh I hope this goes well. They show that awful scene from last year’s auditions where Katie was like ‘whatever, if you don’t pick me now, you’ll never get me”. Natalie is like “yeah, that was really hard last year, but I was so happy and so proud of her”. Natalie’s audition is first, and she’s really really good. YAY!!!! Sonia is DYING, and doing some weird praying thing and declares herself Natalie’s biggest fan. She’s crying.

I am sorry, but I can’t take Mary seriously while she’s wearing that terrible vest!!!

Brandon is incredible. Really, really incredible. He needs to go straight to Alvin Ailey; he was born to dance Revelations. Mary cries and says she has the greatest job in the whole world to be able to witness dancing like that. Yes yes y’all.

And that’s eppy one. So happy the show is back!!!